Got told off by a random bloke! Is this being selfish?

[AgentPidge]

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please.
I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen.
After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him.
I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything):
Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that.
Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder.
Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic...
Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe?
Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden.
Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that.

So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day.

Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

As someone who suffers with Epilepsy, if you are lucky enough to receive aurora’s first you can easily lay yourself down, get yourself comfy and place a shirt over your head etc if that’s needed so that comment is a bit redundant tbh.
I do think they were being overly sensitive and irrational in their behaviour, but at the same time they didn’t really do anything wrong other than approach the situation in the wrong way.

I appreciate it would have ruined your day and made you feel shit but you also could have just been the bigger person and reassured them you were fine and then walked away.
a lot of people here are saying they wouldn’t have approached a man like this, and maybe not, but if two women had approached you not two men, would you have been as annoyed?

"Thanks for your concern. Now fuck off and mind your own business, Random Men."

Really, you can't know it was all National Trust, and therefore you can't know you weren't trespassing. Lying down in someone/anyone's field that may contain cows at some point is a foolish thing to do, anyway. Whether or not you were in the wrong for ' worrying them' you shouldn't have been there in the first place and you were in the wrong.

I agree, but If everyone managed their feelings like mature adults, there wouldn't be a need for an AIBU category 😆

Totally weird. Don’t give it a moment’s more thought. He’s the odd one not you.

Checking on a stranger if they look like they may be in distress is a normal thing to do. It's part of what makes us a community, however loosely designed, and a civil society. You help a stranger one day, another stranger helps you when you're in need. When this system breaks down, we treat that as a societal failing - see Kitty Genovese and the "bystander effect".

The apparent anger or at least disapproval toward you for "making" them worry that they might have had to ask if you needed help (and perhaps even actually help) is probably a sign of poor socialisation. The fact that they indignantly expected you to modify your behaviour in order to spare them the inconvenience of having to ask "are you OK?" may be a sign of narcissism. (I'm assuming it's not anxiety or extreme shyness, as they were bold enough in lecturing you).

In any case, they are colossally privileged to assume that everyone has someone who can come along sunbathing with them at all times. Are you supposed to keep a spare boyfriend in the trunk of your car, or perhaps travel with a ladies' maid? Don't let stuff like this ruin your day. As they say, there's naught so queer as folk; just write them off as eccentrics and carry on.

But surely if you’d found out he was ok you’d just have laughed it off, not told him off for worrying you.

Um yes, that's what I was commenting on. It may be unusual in Scotland to see anyone lying in the sun in a field, butl like I said, round here, with many footpaths going through fields, it's not. OP wasn't in a field in the middle of nowhere, she was in an NT field, next to an NT carpark, on an NT estate. However, OP was bothered by the bollocking not their 'concern'.

May have already been said…they thought you were ill but instead of coming over abs asking if you were ok, they decided to belittle you? Nice people

Both of you were startled, it seems.

The bloke should have been nicer, Op.
Oh, so glad you're okay. We were worried you'd had a health event.

Then you would have felt comfortable enough to respond by thanking them for their concern and that you were just enjoying the sunshine.

I have gently checked a couple of people, both male, 'snoozing' alone in remote places in my lifetime. You never would forgive yourself if they were having a Diabetic coma or a stroke etc.

So considerate but he didn't check wtaf he is mental lol

I am increasingly challenging a cold, polite: “please leave me alone.”

Cows are really dangerous so you were bloody stupid to lie in a field if you weren’t sure it was empty or picnic there. The man however was just annoying.

It reminds me of my day in court with a very aggressive Skip lorry driver who went into the side of my car. He shouted at me and called me a silly bitch etc. I was a bit shaken up but he took it with the local council, his employer, to court. I kept going over it in my head how I could’ve crunched past it. The magistrate tore him a strip and said that he’d obviously stalled it when it lurched forward and ordered him to be retested. What the man also didn’t know was at the time I was training to be a lawyer. Sweet sweet revenge 😊

Then you understand that we agree on your main point? Concern - fine. Bollocking - not fine.

As for lying in fields, I think we've now established that it's normal in some places and not in others. I still think a cow field is a strange place to sunbathe but will try to accept that it's apparently normal for some people... 🤷🏼‍♀️

Could these two random blokes have been volunteers at the NT property? I ask because on several occasions when we have visited various NT places a few of the volunteers are of a particularly unpleasant nature……..not necessarily rude, more abrupt and ‘jobs-worth’s’. Not anything to justify complaining about but their mannerisms and attitude can potentially spoil a lovely visit.

You did nothing wrong except call them epileptic fits. Seizures please!

What is don’t understand is, if he was concerned why didn’t he just ask if you were ok? You could have said yeah and you could have all carried on your day with no stress.

seems like a man trying to belittle a woman here to me.

He’s felt silly immediately and took out his embarrassment on you. This wouldn’t have happened at all had u been male. He would have made a joke about it no doubt and laughed and been on his way but as u are female he’s got annoyed. How he stepped on a cow Pat on the way back. Idiot.

She said she sat up as he walked by so he presumably knew she was ok at that point.

I stopped in the supermarket once and rubbed my eyes. A passing woman stopped and asked if I was OK. I reassured her I was my eyes were just irritating me and she placed her hand gently on my arm, laughed and said, "Oh I'm glad. I thought you might have been crying!"

I laughed back and again reassured her I was fine, thanked her for her concern, and we both went on our way.

It would have ended very differently if she'd responded by berating me, "Well, you really shouldn't stop and rub you eyes in the supermarket because people will think you're crying and it's not fair to make people.worry lile that!"

Fine to worry. Fine to check. Not Fine to berate someone because they 'made' you worry about them.

This.

Don't be daft!
If there's a gate and a well trodden path then she's not trespassing, is she? (Or perhaps you haven't heard of "public footpaths" and "right to roam").

And in any case whether or not she was trespassing is completely irrelevant to the question being asked.

If I saw someone in a field I was concerned about I'd just ask them if they were OK.
They are both being unreasonable.