Page 8 | Got told off by a random bloke! Is this being selfish?

Original poster

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 20:18

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 27/08/2025 16:02

Years ago, a guy cut me up, leaned out of the window to swear at me as he went past, saw I had a male passenger (a friend) and said to him, "Sorry, mate".

Also years ago, a bloke went into the back of me when I stopped at a T-junction, got out and started swearing at me and telling me it was my fault. My very tall husband then got out of the passenger side and he stopped mid-sentence and muttered, "Sorry, mate".

Each incident gives me the absolute rage every time I think about it.

EDT: sorry, my point is that yes, men absolutely give strange women gratuitous shit that they would not dare to give a bloke, and it is utterly pathetic.

Edited

Yep. Those two incidents say it all.

OP posts:

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 27/08/2025 20:30

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 20:18

Yep. Those two incidents say it all.

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The apology goes to the bloke I am with, you see, because it's not for being a massive turd, it's for trespassing on another man's property.

Someone2025 · 27/08/2025 20:35

housethatbuiltme · 27/08/2025 20:12

A man who berates a woman and 'tells her how to exist' because he felt embarrassed that he made a silly assumption... yes absoloutely.

A NORMAL person if worried would say 'hey just checking are you ok?' and OP would respond something like 'yeah I'm good thanks' and then they would go on their way without giving it a second thought.

They would not approach while ignoring her, wait a bit watching her (AFTER knowing shes fine) and then mansplain to her when shes leaving about how to appropriately sunbath safely as a woman (as in with her husband present not even about sun safety etc...) in case she 'worries' passing men. That is not acceptable behavior and exactly what Incels do.

Edited

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People who get overly upset ( I presume you are with your use of caps to display anger in your comment ) about minor interactions like this have definitely not got enough going on in their lives, most sensible people would be able to put it out of their minds pretty quickly and move on to thinking about bigger issues…..it’s not a kill I would want to die on

If you think this behaviour is that of an incel then I would think without a doubt you are a misandrist

Petitchat · 27/08/2025 20:41

Someone2025 · 27/08/2025 19:32

So every man that tries to help a woman is just trying to be a hero and is accused of being an incel …….Jesus, no wonder the world is the way it is!🤷‍♀️

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"The world is the way it is" because a poster points out how entitled some men are?
And we've all met them or will meet them at some time. No woman, young or old, escapes them.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/08/2025 20:46

I’m a worrier so I might well have come to check you were okay, but then would have been relieved that you were, probably felt a bit silly, and hoped that you had a sense of humour about it. He’s a knob.

Someone2025 · 27/08/2025 20:56

Petitchat · 27/08/2025 20:41

"The world is the way it is" because a poster points out how entitled some men are?
And we've all met them or will meet them at some time. No woman, young or old, escapes them.

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Huh?!?

onedogatoddlerandababy · 27/08/2025 21:04

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/08/2025 11:18

Is it completely bonkers though? You were on your own in a field. It is quite unusual to find someone lying in a field on their own. So whilst he shouldn't have told you off, I don't think he was wrong to show concern.

okay I suppose he might be concerned, but the moment she stood up and was walking about, looking absolutely fine, he should have kept his concerns to himself.

also if he was concerned and worried why tf didn’t he actually approach her instead of talking about her to someone else at a distance?

Lifestooshort6591 · 27/08/2025 21:05

What a weird interaction. Forget about it, pair of silly men.

Mirabella7 · 27/08/2025 21:06

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/08/2025 11:11

Honestly, you will find a lot of people coming on this thread to ask why you didn't just tell him to piss off etc.

The thing is, when you are relaxed and minding your own business, and someone unleashes some completely bonkers comment at you, it's easy to feel caught off kilter.

He was wrong, and rude. Try to put it out of your mind and don't take any weird comments on here too much to heart.

Totally agree with this! Just a stupid, interfering individual. You didn’t do anything wrong, put it out of your mind.

Original poster

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 21:33

HatandCoat · 27/08/2025 18:02

Who owned the field that you were sitting in?

It was part of the estate, so the National Trust. It had a proper little gate you could open and a well-trodden path across it. I wasn't trespassing.

OP posts:

Fuzzymuddle33 · 27/08/2025 21:39

I think that they were just worried about you. Maybe seeing a body lying there have them a scare. Not your fault of course but I don’t think it was particularly rude of them either.

jjeoreo · 27/08/2025 21:42

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 11:04

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please.
I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen.
After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him.
I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything):
Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that.
Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder.
Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic...
Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe?
Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden.
Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that.

So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day.

Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

If he thought you were unwell he should have come over and checked. Pure cowardice. Ignore.

Baggingarea · 27/08/2025 21:44

What I'm hearing is a man saw you taking up space in the world and it irritated him. He probs didnt even know why he was annoyed so decided on a very niche concern.

notsobeachready · 27/08/2025 21:47

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 11:04

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please.
I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen.
After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him.
I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything):
Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that.
Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder.
Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic...
Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe?
Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden.
Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that.

So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day.

Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

As an epileptic, during or post seizure it is quite obvious something is wrong. I have never seen or been someone fit and do it nice and neatly with their face covered.
They sound like the type of people who enjoy being annoyed and will find any reason to do it.

Missj25 · 27/08/2025 21:50

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 11:29

Exactly. If I was worried I'd see if they were breathing and then creep away.

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😂 😂
cause that’s not a bit creepy 🤣

Emptyandsad · 27/08/2025 21:50

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 11:10

Thank you. What a relief ! He seemed so adamant it made me wonder if he'd just done a First Aid course or something.

He's just been on a 'How To Be An Arse' course...

Perimenipausalmum · 27/08/2025 21:53

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 11:04

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please.
I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen.
After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him.
I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything):
Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that.
Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder.
Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic...
Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe?
Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden.
Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that.

So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day.

Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

Not unreasonable at all! I had the hottest week of the year off work, and literally sunbathed in a field, where kids play, and people walk their dogs! I was living my best life

Surveille222 · 27/08/2025 21:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MrsJeanLuc · 27/08/2025 21:55

Tesremos82 · 27/08/2025 11:37

I don't really see the issue. If I saw someone laying on the ground in the local cow fields, I wouldn't expect them to be sunbathing. He was concerned and it gave him a scare. Perhaps he has previously found someone that was deceased or in need of medical attention that made him extra vigilant. I don't think people can automatically assume they wouldn't have mentioned it, if it had been a man lying there.

Yes, but when you see that they are ok you say "glad you're ok, I was worried about you for a moment there", and you get on with your day. You don't proceed to then tell that person what they can and can't do.

What a plonker.

I agree with the pp who suggested we should all have one or two sharp responses up our sleeve for situations like this.

Roastiesarethebestbit · 27/08/2025 22:10

Tesremos82 · 27/08/2025 11:37

I don't really see the issue. If I saw someone laying on the ground in the local cow fields, I wouldn't expect them to be sunbathing. He was concerned and it gave him a scare. Perhaps he has previously found someone that was deceased or in need of medical attention that made him extra vigilant. I don't think people can automatically assume they wouldn't have mentioned it, if it had been a man lying there.

Yes but rather than laughing with relief and making a lighthearted comment to the OP, he chose to tell her off. He felt stupid/embarrassed that he’d been concerned and unable to manage his feelings like a mature adult, it all came out as anger.

buckeejit · 27/08/2025 22:14

Nice = concerned to come & check on you.

relieved = when you got up & were clearly fine

Prick behaviour = telling you off for lying down

it sounds like you stole his chance for a hero
display & that pissed him off so he thought he’d try to teach you a lesson. He could have got the point across by saying ‘we were worried somewhere coming to check you were ok. You’d have felt completely different if he took a
different line. As it was that would have ruined my day too.

fetchacloth · 27/08/2025 22:15

Clearly these men are easily triggered. If they'd spoken to me I would have suggested therapy.

Cackle · 27/08/2025 22:16

I have fallen over in the road, with no one around, and broke a vertebrae so I couldn’t move. A woman eventually came along and asked me if I was ok, I said no, so she called an ambulance. Checking on you was ok, berating you after was not and was a controlling man thing.

thestudio · 27/08/2025 22:36

DashboardConfession · 27/08/2025 11:05

I bet you my house he wouldn't have said any of this to a man.

Some men get their kicks from trying to make women feel small and stupid unfortunately. The same ones that try and force me to speak to them when I have earphones in to say something inane about the weather.

Edited

perfect first answer nails it.

Pherian · 27/08/2025 22:48

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 11:04

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please.
I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen.
After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him.
I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything):
Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that.
Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder.
Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic...
Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe?
Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden.
Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that.

So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day.

Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

I think you need to get a grip.