Got told off by a random bloke! Is this being selfish?

[AgentPidge]

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please.
I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen.
After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him.
I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything):
Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that.
Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder.
Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic...
Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe?
Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden.
Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that.

So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day.

Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

😂 what a weirdo
(him, not you)

Nah, sorry, not buying that. The OP was obviously sunbathing. You don’t have the foresight to put a shirt over your head if you’re having a fit or a hypoglycaemia episode

You do realise that people can have seizures or hypos (or strokes, etc) when they’re sunbathing? Sunbathing with a shirt on your head isn’t a magic protection against unforeseen medical events.

If they were so worried about your welfare, how come they didn't come over and check you were OK?

Stupid arsehole fuckers quite frankly.

The litmus test is, would they have spoken to another man like that?

No?

Then stupid arsehole fuckers.

There's nowt so queer as folks. Take no notice.

Nutter. I'd have told him to fuck off.

However, it shouldn't spoil your day, it's funny!

If they hadn't opened their gobs with the snide remarks I would have thought it nice for randoms to care....but as it was they were either d1cks or very very bad jokers.

I did worry about a bloke once spark out on the path on the outskirts of town......took 10mins to rouse him, turns out he was literally legless drunk and thought he'd have a lie down....it was midnight and freezing so not exactly the same.

I swear people are getting weirder by the day! What a pair of nosey Parker’s they are.

I would too. A field is different from a park or beach where you might expect sunbathers, and OP had just lain down on the grass as she was - she wasn't surrounded by sunbathing paraphernalia.

And to think someone started an actual thread the other day to ask whether women should ever tell men to fuck off.

Would they have told a man off?

Must be one of the Rules of Misogyny:

Men must do whatever they wish to do, and women must do whatever men wish them to do.

I don't think that's OP issue, it's more the bollocking for doing nothing wrong that she got afterwards. And being called selfish for sun bathing in a field is bizarre IMO.

The fact the field was next to a NT carpark, it was a sunny day and she was only there for 10-15 minutes you would have thought would have taken the edge of their panic. Maybe they felt silly for overreacting? Not an excuse for their behaviour though.

Fine to be concerned, fine to go and check but unreasonable to give some stranger going about their business a hard time.

editted to say that sunbathing in fields with animals isn't unusual in this neck of the woods (Hampshire) or where I grew up in rural Devon

YANBU

But most people don’t randomly sunbathe in a field full of cows (even if they weren’t around at the time) and so it’s likely that they’d never seen anyone do that and they were worried.

You didn’t do anything wrong though.

I thought I saw a dead body on the side of a motorway once because there was a woman barely dressed lying on the grass verge with no car around.
I rang the police as I couldn’t turn around and check and it turned out she was sunbathing and walked to that spot (a small grass verge next to a motorway).

They moved her on but said that they regularly get calls about people sunbathing in random places and I guess people feeling uncomfortable about going to check on them. Especially if it’s a woman and you’re a man I guess.

I could understand if there were cows in the field as they can be dangerous but given the field was empty I think the pair of them were overreacting.

I might have been concerned, seeing a woman lying motionless in a field. I would have probably approached you calling “Are you all right?”. And then, when you replied, I’d have either laughed or said “Just checking” and gone away. Simple enough.

So every man that tries to help a woman is just trying to be a hero and is accused of being an incel …….Jesus, no wonder the world is the way it is!🤷‍♀️

Standard jobsworth volunteer at NT site I think!

I was once told off for parking on yellow lines in the main street of my local town. He went on and on about the ticket man coming and fining me for it, when I kept saying to him "I've got a blue badge" which he didn't seem to understand that I can use on yellow lines for three hours. Anyway after about two minutes we gave up on each other and I got on with my day.

So many things about the modern world are unbelievably depressing and I seriously wonder how I’m going to cope in 20 years time when I’m even older and grumpier and the world has gone even more batshit! I recently saw a man in a cafe looking at porn on his phone whilst his young son was sitting across the table from him. Fucking grim.

@DashboardConfession I bet you my house he wouldn't have said any of this to a man.

I read the OP's post, then I thought "I bet at least one person has made the obligatory 'he wouldn't have said that to a man' comment."

And it was right there in the first reply. Mumsnet, you do not disappoint.

This. He should have laughed it off, not continued up his ego path!

As for ‘shouldn’t sunbathe alone! Ridiculous!

And yes, I may have suggested he seek some therapy for his anxiety too like another pp has already said.

We weren't in the carpark. We were in a field. It was hot and we didn't want to walk far because we'd already done a lot of walking.

A 60 year old woman out and about on her own in a field without a man in charge!! Outrageous behaviour! It’s just as well two passing men were there to put you in your place.

A man who berates a woman and 'tells her how to exist' because he felt embarrassed that he made a silly assumption... yes absoloutely.

A NORMAL person if worried would say 'hey just checking are you ok?' and OP would respond something like 'yeah I'm good thanks' and then they would go on their way without giving it a second thought.

They would not approach while ignoring her, wait a bit watching her (AFTER knowing shes fine) and then mansplain to her when shes leaving about how to appropriately sunbath safely as a woman (as in with her husband present not even about sun safety etc...) in case she 'worries' passing men. That is not acceptable behavior and exactly what Incels do.

Um... Did you read the second sentence of the post I was agreeing with?

I live in rural Scotland and have never seen anyone sunbathing in a cow field... 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ill bet he wouldn't say it to a man.
My DD once laid on the floor to admire a cathedral ceiling she was about 4ish at the time. It was a good idea. I asked her to stay near me as a middle aged heavier than id like person i didnt people to think id had a heart attack. True story sadly.