Asked friend to dog sit and she said 'it was a bit inconvenient'

[Terracottafarmers]

I've asked my good friend, who’s really good with our dog, if she’d be able to look after her while we’re away for a couple of nights in December. Normally I’d ask my parents, but since they’ll be away with us, we don’t have anyone else to help.

When I asked her, she said she’d let me know, but this is already the second time I’ve had to bring it up (even though she’s looked after our dog a handful of times before). This time she made a comment I found a bit odd 'Well, you haven’t chosen dates Diana that are exactly easy'. .

I just find the comment a little strange, you either can or you can’t. To be honest, it’s made me feel like I’m being a bit of an inconvenience even asking her. The only thing is, I know if I go back and say we’ve found someone else, she’ll probably get annoyed that we chose another option.

AIBU to feel a bit taken aback?

She doesn't want to dog sit but is unsure how to refuse. Find another option - she won't mind. And don't ask her again. In the future consider getting a dog walker who will also dog sit for you?

Then you say no. perfectly entitled to. No one would expect you help if you don’t want to. My mum doesn’t want to feed my cats when I’m away. I’m Totally cool with it.

Lots of people look after their friends dogs and cats. Not at all unreasonable to ask. I’m always happy to help a friend out if I can. If I can’t, then I don’t.

If she did already have specific plans then yes she could have said that. But I imagine she doesn’t yet know what she’ll be doing. It’s August and December is months away - I dont have a single December thing in my diary yet but I know I’ll be flat out all month when it comes, because it’s DECEMBER.

I imagine she’s feeling awkward because she knows that she is very likely to be busy, but because she doesn’t have set plans yet that she can offer as an excuse she feels she can’t say no. Hence saying it’s an inconvenient time.

Also, I’m guessing that she said yes the first time to be a good friend and then found she’d been turned into the default dog sitter, and now after doing it multiple times is starting to feel taken advantage of. OP’s tone conveys a lot of expectation, and very little appreciation.

The Op never said her friend was unreasonable not wanting to do it. What she was upset about is that her friend was saying ‘maybe’ and being non committal soshe wasn’t sure if it was a yes or no and should make alternative arrangements. She was worried if she made other arrangements that the friend would take offence

I honestly have been in the situation where the person has asked more than once (like OP) and it can be tricky ground to navigate saying ‘sorry I don’t actually want to look after your dog’ without the dog owner being hugely offended! Luckily my friend with the cats totally understood when she saw how allergic I was, and it is a no going forward but some
people can be pushy and OP seems to think it’s fun to watch others pets. It’s not, it’s a lot of responsibility.

This is crying out for a McEnroe emoji!

I am truely baffled. Why on earth can’t you say ‘I don’t know my plans for December and I don’t want to let you down at the last minute so I can’t do it.’

or

’i don’t really like dogs or not very good with them so don't want to do it’.

why would the person asking be offended? Either you can do it or you can’t. Asking a question is simply asking a question. Ambiguously giving an answer means the person is losing time to find alternative arrangements .

You dont need to mention it again to her its an obvious NO, Find an alternative,

OP, are you seriously this entitled/oblivious? Unless you're offering to pay her (in which case she's still free to say no) then you're being a complete C and you don't even seem to see it.

I also agree with the pp who said you sounded patronising in your original message, unless you happen to know she hates living at home, and even then you need to offer payment for dog-sitting.

I’ve never paid a friend to feed my cats nor have I ever taken payment for looking after someone’s dog. I’ve even looked after my friend’s children when she was in a childcare bind. I do read these mumsnet threats sometimes and think I live in alternative world different to everyone else. My friends and family help me where they can and I reciprocate where I can. We don’t go around charging each other for things and enjoy helping each other where possible. I wouldn’t feel offended to be asked to help nor would I feel I was causing offence if I said no.

It's a big ask. Some people find it hard to say no. Just read the room and book the the kennels.

No, no and no!!!! She doesn’t want to do it!!!

It's one thing when the playing field for favours is level, but OP sounds so entitled/oblivious and her friend so unwilling that I'd bank on this being a one-way street that the friend is getting tired of. Either way, though, personally I'd always offer to pay a friend to look after my cats. They can refuse payment if they want, but pet-sitting saves a hell of a lot in kennel/cattery fees and I personally wouldn't feel right not offering at least a token payment for the favour.

With childcare I think it's more nuanced, but you've only got to read around MN to see there are some CFs around where childcare favours are concerned, too.

Obviously the dates are inconvenient. The girl has just started Uni. She has no idea if she will have assignments or exams in early December.
She may want to develop a social life and have fun at the end of December.
Any weekend in December is going to be difficult.

OP next time arrange the dog care before you book. Or book a dog friendly.

Agree, she should have said yes or no, the way she left it sounds like she may do it but doesn’t really want to, get someone else

I have dogs, I love dogs. But you are outrageous.

1. You’ve had to bring it up more than once.
2. She’s told you it’s inconvenient (unsurprising for a weekend in December).
3. She will categorically not be annoyed if you find an alternative.

It’s really presumptuous of you to even ask without some kind of reciprocal arrangement.

I think she's trying to tell you she doesn't want to look after your dog. I'd suggest finding someone else or nice kennels. Certainly don't mention anything to her about it again and act innocent as and when she may bring it up.

Just because she's really great with your dog when she's with him, it doesn't mean she actually likes him in the sense that she will see looking after him as an opportunity 😆

Sue doesn't have a dog because she doesn't want a dog.

If you looked at me you'd think I'm "great with other people's kids". Given a free weekend, there's no fucking way I want them anywhere near me! Same as the dog, it's planning your life around another, in the busiest wettest month of the year, at a time when she wants freedom.to make her own plans.

If you aren't happy to to dog friendly places, use professionals or stay home, a dog isn't really the right commitment for you.

When is your son going to get it @VielleTruite ??!

You didn’t take the hint when she didn’t get back to you twice, then she tried to say no a bit less directly (ie trying to be polite/less blunt) by saying the dates were inconvenient. She doesn’t want to do it so you need to get the message!

Yabu to expect others to look after your dog, it’s no one’s responsibility but yours.

Sorry if this has already been raised, but who is Diana? That’s what I want to know.

Where on earth did she say anything like that?

She doesnt want to do it. But obviously feels awkward just saying no.
I have to for my mum several times a year and I actually hate it. I dont want to but cant say no as she thinks I dont mind.
Dont get me wrong I do a good job I stick to all the diet rules/walks and so on. But i resent having to feel guilty enough to say yes every single time.
I just want to shout use a bloody dog kennel or dont go on holiday

Your friend doesn't want to do it, full stop. Like many other people she perhaps struggles to say NO to a friend so is being avoidant in her answers. Do not insist and pay someone to do it.

@nomas

Where on earth did you get that the OP does more favours for her?! Talk about jumping to conclusions.

The Uni lady has already previously minded their dog before.

This does not sound like an unequal relationship in the way you are suggesting. Where on earth did you get that from?