Asked friend to dog sit and she said 'it was a bit inconvenient'

[Terracottafarmers]

I've asked my good friend, who’s really good with our dog, if she’d be able to look after her while we’re away for a couple of nights in December. Normally I’d ask my parents, but since they’ll be away with us, we don’t have anyone else to help.

When I asked her, she said she’d let me know, but this is already the second time I’ve had to bring it up (even though she’s looked after our dog a handful of times before). This time she made a comment I found a bit odd 'Well, you haven’t chosen dates Diana that are exactly easy'. .

I just find the comment a little strange, you either can or you can’t. To be honest, it’s made me feel like I’m being a bit of an inconvenience even asking her. The only thing is, I know if I go back and say we’ve found someone else, she’ll probably get annoyed that we chose another option.

AIBU to feel a bit taken aback?

Well great, how nice for you all, but I really don't know what's wrong with people expecting a clear yes or no, or with people who can't just use their words to say, 'Sorry but no.'

OP my friend at uni used to get regularly asked to house sit for her boss at her weekend retail job. She also got paid.

We were in a grotty house share and the boss lived in an expansive period property in the suburbs. Like you, the boss assumed these long weekends were wonderful opportunities for my friend to have a luxurious stay away from the crowding and grime of our miserable poverty stricken student lives.

Except it wasn’t! She’d spend the whole weekend on edge that she didn’t stain or break anything, disliked some of the rules for the dog which weren’t how she would choose to keep one and found it lonely and inconvenient to put her whole personal life on hold for several days. She felt she couldn’t say no after the first time as it was her boss so was stuck with it for 3 years and even got a snotty text a year after graduating when she didn’t want to come back and do it even with the offer of paying her train fare!

Do you pay her for this, or do you ever return the favour?

I had a friend (who lived in my building) and I dog sat for her probably dozens of times when she'd be called into work last minute, or had a work trip (for free)... I asked her to look after my dog one time in an emergency and she said no because she was tired.

I realised then it was always going to be one-way.

Because many if most people would not feel comfortable to say just "No, I cant", unless they have a bomb proof reason for it.

Yes and similar to my friend 30 years ago I’m wondering if OP is 3x older than the person she’s asking and as a very newly minted adult they’re still figuring out assertion

Ha, entitled much. Take the hint OP

I quite agree.

You are being an inconvenience asking her, that's why she said it's inconvenient. You need to make other arrangements

It's much safer to use an experienced sitter, or kennels. At least that way you are pretty much guaranteed your pet will be safe and not being half looked after by someone who is doing begrudingly.

YANBU, she doesn’t want to do it so she should just say it, instead of making passive aggressive comments and leaving you hanging.

Who cares if she gets pissed off? Tell her you’ve confirmed with someone else now so she’s off the hook.

And remember this next time she needs a favour. I’m guessing you do her more favours than she does for you?

You’re in a tiny minority in not understanding this friend

December was typically exam month when I was at uni so maybe that's what she means about the dates, as well as around Christmas being busy. Just make other plans and let her know it's fine.

If she is starting uni she probably has work to be submitted in December and won't want the hassle of a dog to suck up too much attention.

“Couple of nights in December” what dates, are you talking 24th & 25th?! They would be inconvenient!

The fact you had to ask twice ,makes it very obvious she doesn't want to do it
Book kennels like everyone else has to do

Stop asking her and find another solution.

Hahahaha, you wanker. ''What a naice treat to stay in my lovely home and get to babysit my dog...." Jesus wept.

You can’t have holidays or trips away when you have a dog , OP @Terracottafarmers

you need to stay home

Dog people like to think that everyone loves dogs - they don't!

'Well, you haven’t chosen dates Diana that are exactly easy'

Take the hint, Jesus! She doesn’t want to do it, the dates are inconvenient for her!

And there are loooooads of people who will help- they’re called ✨ kennels ✨ wild idea but you pay them money and they look after your dog.

Yep, kennels it’s gonna have to be.

Yes I agree she could've been more straightforward
I don't understand why she couldn't just be honest & say something along the lines of "'Those dates I'm already doing such&such..."'
Instead of passively saying you didn't choose good dates
How are you supposed to know they're inconvenient dates if she doesn't bring open enlightenments
Hope you soon find someone whom doesn't hint at being inconvenienced
You most sure need peace of mind that your dear dog's being looked after resentment free 💚

To be honest, it’s made me feel like I’m being a bit of an inconvenience even asking her.

Of course you're being an inconvenience asking anyone who doesn't do this as a job to mind your dog.

You say you 'offered' to pay her but I bet you never have the other times. Even if she's a relative, she doesn't owe you four nights of dog sitting.

Indeed. Our dogs have all been trained over time (a play session first, then a couple of hours, ditto again, then a longer day session, then overnight and so on) to be comfortable in kennels. This is because relying on family or friends can easily come unstuck and you never know when you'll need the dog cared for in a real emergency.

With our current (exceptionally cute and friendly) dog, our next door neighbours even asked if they could look after her when we're away. We refused - because relying on a favour can mean being let down at the last minute if they have an issue, emergency - or just want to go away on a whim themselves.

Oh, you CAN - we're just back from a 12 day trip abroad. Dog goes happily into kennels (which cost a fortune, but they're superb).