To think I can squeeze into a 5 person car with just 2 other people

[Emma6cat]

I have a trip planned from the north of England to the south coast on Friday to see my Son off who will be away for a year. Originally I was planning to drive down but since then I have been plagued with neck arthritis and its painful to drive long distances. I asked my Sister who is also going down (driving) if I could go in the car with them (her and my dad) to be told no the car would be full. Now granted they are going down for a week, but surely the boot and three back seats wouldn't all be taken up by luggage? AIBU to think surely they could squeeze me in. I am now looking at the train, 3 changes and lengthy trip bearing in mind I will have my luggage with me. My neck, collarbone and shoulder are constantly sore and I am taking medication for this. Just feel a bit hurt tbh!

We go to Center Parcs in my Dacia Duster so similar car size and there are 3 adults, my DS8 in his high back booster, we have an electric cool box and all the coats and shoes in the boot, a roof box on with all the non refrigerated food and luggage and the bikes on the back. I would think u would be able to fit 3 adults and luggage in her car.

OP does your sister look after your father by doing housekeeping
Taking him to appts
Generally organising his life ?
If so maybe she feels she doesn't want the added burden of being responsible for another adult.
Esp if she feels all the looking after joint father is left to her ?

My parents are going to visit dd1 tomorrow on the south coast for a few days and they've managed to squeeze me in. I am not travelling light as I have a lot of stuff for dd and gd.
We used to have a Renault clio and we went to the Isle of Wight for a week - 5 of us, 3 adults, 2dc in car seats, a pushchair, nappies, a side for the bed (dd3 had just broken her collarbone falling out of bed). It was a bit crowded but we needed it to work and it did.

Most of my boot is taken up by safety equipment, oil, washer fluid etc. That's before luggage; which I plan around how many people will be coming, how much luggage they'll have etc.

If someone asked last minute to get in the car it would be a no!

For a weeks trip a suitcase each should suffice. Even two fairly large ones should fit in most normal sized boots. And you are going for three days so will probably only have a small bag that could sit beside you if it absolutely can’t go in the boot (which I don’t believe either!).
Some people have a lot of shit in their boots that seems to reside there permanently and doesn’t really have a place in the house. My aunties boot is a riot of blankets, bags for life, crates of soft drink that she buys in bulk and keeps there and other random crap. Could this apply to your sister?
are they taking big items like bikes, golf clubs that sort of thing?
Anyway I don’t think Yabu and they sound nasty.

Cumbersome to somone with neck and shoulder problems does not mean she's taking loads of luggage.

And entitled for asking for help from close family members when they're all going to the same place? Really?

i don’t think you would realistically fit 5 people into a Ford Puma comfortably. They are not really that big. As for fitting 3 people in, that could work depending on how much luggage the other 2 are taking. Sounds to me like they just don’t want to travel with you. It’s a bit mean of them. Why don’t you call your son and explain that you feel unwell, it seems like a big journey to make. These days with FaceTime and Messenger you can still maintain good contact with your son. Hope you feel better soon.

I was accused of being a 'competitive underpacker' in another thread. Nope, just realistic packer. I refuse to belive people need this much stuff. Whenever we go anywhere as a family or friends, we carpool. With very little adjustments we have always managed to fit everyone and everything. The idea that someone would have to use hours and several train changes wouldn't even enter anyone's mind. 3 people going for a hike with Ford ka? Tight fit, but you make do. You do not make one person take an inconvenient train.

Her son is possibly going away with the Navy (my guess) for a year long tour. If so, not sure how much communication they are allowed and how easy it is, for security reasons.

If you maintain your car you don't need to carry all that extra oil and windscreen washer fluid- you top up before a journey and most cars now have an annual oil change with an annual service.

@HerLivingontheHilltop my ds is on a world tour withthe RN. Heard from him lots. Facetime too.

@Emma6cat

No its not really a holiday for them, they too are doing the journey to see my Son off, but granted they are staying a little longer as they dont work so they said they may as well.

Well it’s bizarre that they are both going to same place to see your son off on his travels but they first of all don’t want to share accommodation & now they won’t allow you to travel in the car. Your sister sounds a bit controlling tbh & your Dad can’t be bothered with the drama she will create if you upset her. Regardless of health it seems madness to take 2 cars or take 1 car & pay for a train in addition.

Or maybe she has her claws in deep and doesn’t want anyone else realise the control she has.

we thought sil was caring for the in laws until we realised she was deliberately keeping us away to hide her abuse.

this is exactly the sort of thing she did. Oh you won’t fit, you’ll have to take your own car. Oh you can’t stay, the room isn’t tidy.

Do you and your sister get on? I mean on both sides, do you get on with her and does she get on with you?

That is probably the most pertinent question here. It doesn’t sound like you do from the way she is responding to your requests and if you don’t get on I think that is the underlying reason for why she keeps saying no to you.

I think it’s incredibly selfish of your family. What are they taking, the kitchen sink? Fair enough if they are taking a dog or a bike or something but seriously they don’t have enough room when they’re going to the same place place to see your son!!! Unbelievable!

me and boyfriend used to go camping in a jaguar, every space was filled including the huge boot, there was no chance we’d be able to fit an extra person.

Campings different though as you need tents, sleeping bags, equipment.

a week in a nice apartment? One suitcase is enough.

people travel abroad without a car full of of crap so it clearly can be done.

@Emma6cat that does seem mean, and you are not entitled at all, can't have that much luggage if they are staying in an apartment for a week. How can they be filling a car boot and the back seats, very strange.

Weather, some are warm but not water proof, some are thin but waterproof for when its wet but warm, some are for folding down in the panniers if we take them. I have different jackets for different outfits if we're out for the day or out for dinner

Arthritis in the neck is horrible. I am sorry you are suffering.
I think you are being unrealistic about travelling all that way. Train would be better. You are going to need a lot of stops in the car. What if the pain is excruciating while she is driving. To expect your sister to do this is unfair. If the journey further aggravates your neck you may not be fit to come home.
Is your son keen for you to see him off? I presume he is an adult so he will not want all and sundry there, unless perhaps it is the armed forces? Could you not video call him?

I couldn't be bothered with that tbh, but each to their own.

Hire a roof top box from Halfords for the luggage. They would even fit it for you.., not sure where in the UK you are from but a quick google showed a load of hire places. One called the journey centre was asking £68 for 7 days hire for a medium box. All the luggage could go in that. They hire the rooftop bars too if you don't have them and will fit it for you.

Plenty of room in the car then. and probably cheaper than a series of train tickets.

Next objection OP's Sister?

Either they are horrible and mean to not give you the lift, so why would you want to be stuck with them in a car? As pp has put, would dsis give you enough comfort breaks?
Or
There's a back story?

it looks like I’m in the minority here but, personally, I think you are being unreasonable! Plans were made, your circumstances have changed and it sounds like you are expecting your sister & dad to now change their plans to accommodate you. Whilst I understand you are suffering with your heath and sympathise with you, that doesn’t automatically trump your other family member’s pre-existing plans or suddenly make you their responsibility. Maybe they have room for you in the car, maybe they don’t but it’s your sister’s car and she has said no, so that should be the end of it. Whether you agree or not, she clearly doesn’t want you to travel with them and shouldn’t have to explain her reasoning. Your comment about the ‘posh’ apartment indicates you may have quite have differing budgets (comes across as perhaps a bit of resentment on your part?). For whatever reason, it would appear you can’t accept your sister’s decision but you seem to be unwilling to discuss this with her yourself, which speaks volumes to me. Invariably in situations like this; there will be a quite different side to this story that is not being disclosed……

Way more to this.

sensing you and your sister rub each other up the wrong way and closely confined is best avoided. If you say no, I imagine she thinks you’re the problem.