To think I can squeeze into a 5 person car with just 2 other people

[Emma6cat]

I have a trip planned from the north of England to the south coast on Friday to see my Son off who will be away for a year. Originally I was planning to drive down but since then I have been plagued with neck arthritis and its painful to drive long distances. I asked my Sister who is also going down (driving) if I could go in the car with them (her and my dad) to be told no the car would be full. Now granted they are going down for a week, but surely the boot and three back seats wouldn't all be taken up by luggage? AIBU to think surely they could squeeze me in. I am now looking at the train, 3 changes and lengthy trip bearing in mind I will have my luggage with me. My neck, collarbone and shoulder are constantly sore and I am taking medication for this. Just feel a bit hurt tbh!

Frankly your sister is being a cow.

If I was your son I’d be telling her not to expect to meet if she couldn’t at least try and make his mums life easier. I’m sure you are emotional enough about him leaving for a year without your sister trying to control the whole meet up.

Frankly your sister is being a cow.

If I was your son I’d be telling her not to expect to meet if she couldn’t at least try and make his mums life easier. I’m sure you are emotional enough about him leaving for a year without your sister trying to control the whole meet up.

And if I was your Dad I’d be tellling her to take you instead of me!

How unkind neither of them will help you out.

Don’t want to get involved shows he’s weak in their relationship. Probably because she lives at home and he’s going to be relying on her.

Wow, this is really mean.
Can you offer your sister the cost of what your train fare would be, to offset the fuel costs (though I would imagine she would be in profit, knowing how expensive rail travel is in this country!).

I hope she sees sense @Emma6cat .

My SIL does this sort of thing with PILs. Both her siblings are married and have DC, she is neither married nor a parent. She doesn’t live with her parents, but she openly says they are the only family she has so they should prioritize her over her siblings. She gatekeeps her parents, I guess. And they let her do it because her siblings allow her to and pity that she has to do this sort of thing. It applies to all sorts of things: who gets which room at Christmas (she will get the master as a single woman, her siblings + kids have to sleep on air mattresses and bunk beds in a single smaller room); she will get ££££ tech and jewelry for her birthday, her siblings will get a card; her dad does all her diy (changing lightbulbs, putting air in her tyres, changing her air purifier filter - she lives 45mins away from them) often timed for weekends when she knows her nieces /nephews will be staying with them. It’s exhausting and pitiful, but what can you do 🤷‍♀️

When you say Ford Puma, do you mean one of the newer model SUV type, or the 1990s coupé? Because if it's the latter you really wouldn't want to travel very far squished in the back so they're doing you a favour refusing tbh!

That seems like a lot of stuff and quite specific to your outdoor hobbies , the father and sister here are going to stay in a nice cottage after seeing of their grandson/nephew, so will presumably mainly need clothing and toiletries maybe food but you could always do a click and collect near the property which is better for fresh things anyway.
I'm assuming that's why you have the note , because it's flexible for that kind of equipment, I had one as a work hire car once. They probably are a similar size/capacity to a puma

Adding another person changes many things. With your pain, are you really going to be happy sitting in the back seat? Will the front seat passengers need to move their seats forward to give you more space? As someone with long legs I typically have mine all the way back. You will have your own preferences for temperature and air. There are additional people to consider for breaks and agreeing on a place to stop to eat.

traveling is already incredibly stressful and difficult. At least travel is difficult for me as I get travel sickness and have other issues. I think through every detail to try to make it as smooth as possible. Adding an additional person isn’t just about having a seat in the car.

It’s all a bit weird. I don’t think your DS respects you or values you.

They do however, respect your son.

Have you got a track record for cadging lifts and ducking out of driving?

My car is bigger than a Puma, & the back seats have to fold down to fit in the luggage for 2 of us.

This is appalling behaviour from FAMILY.
You are the 'mum' here going to see your son off (is he in the Navy?)

Is there any chance that one of them could go by train?

I'm wondering how old your dad is and if he's able to take a train, or your sister?

Or- they can surely travel lighter and fit you in.

Failing all of that- have you looked into a coach?

But surely if a situation like this arose, you'd do your utmost to reduce your luggage and take your sister/ daughter with you?

@soupyspoon There is no need to 'explain' why you take so much stuff.

We could all do that, and thrown in the kitchen sink for good measure, but in this case it doesn't apply, does it?

One suitcase each for an adult for a week is enough. That leaves the back seat and even if one side was taken up, there is still room for another person.

Would you manage the drive if you split it over 2 days with several stops?
Would be a lot less stressful than the train.

They seem really mean - he’s your son and they’re not making it any easier for you to see him off too!

Did you have a major fall-out? If not, I would tell her that it's not very kind of them to not take you as well. Call bs on her excuse and ask what the real problem is. Might as well get it out there in the open instead of pussyfooting around it.

Yeah I think your sister is being a dick.

My sister has been very inconsiderate of me on multiple occasions, so I have also stopped being considerate of her - are you sure there's not some back story OP?

I think it's unfair to expect your family to take less stuff (presumably things they need/want to use to enjoy themselves) so they can take you when the train is an option you're ALREADY utilising

Both your sister and dad are being dicks. They should give you a lift and let you share the apartment.

Only because her sister won't give her a lift!

Horrible behaviour.

I’m sorry but either there is some back story you are not sharing or you have horrible family members. I would pack light to ensure my sister could come with me if she was unwell and couldn’t drive. And can’t imagine all of us not staying together if we were going down for the same reason. Just bizarre! With family like this who needs enemies?!

On the surface of it it sounds as if your sister is being mean and doesn’t want to give you a lift for some reason. I’m not sure what your Dad can do about it other than tell her behind the scenes that he thinks it’s unkind. If it’s her car and she’s driving he can’t make her take you. I think she could squeeze you in but doesn’t want to. Have you any idea why? If it’s your Dad’s car and he’s doing some of the driving they’re both being mean. Personally I wouldn’t argue, I would just get the train and let your son leave on a pleasant note but I would remember this and not bend over backwards to help her in the future.

Flipping Nora - does your sister hate you???

Time to phone your dad and have it out with him and bypass your sis! Is he really happy with leaving you out when it's your own son? And what would your mum would think about that..

Does your sis drive? Can't she drive herself and your dad drive you in your car?

Otherwise you could train up a day early and break the journey somewhere with a travelodge or b&b so it's not as hard on your neck. Or drive slowly and take frequent breaks/a hotel halfway?