To think that family holidays are bloody hard work for mothers?!

[Bliss1985]

I’m three days in and I’m shattered.
The mental load of organising everyone, remembering to pack all the stuff for whatever we are doing that day, sun creaming, snacks, referring the kids arguments. It’s bloody hard work is it not?

DH just doesn’t see all the donkey work I’m putting in and thinks he is carrying equal load, and can’t understand why I’m cranky.

It sounds like it might be for you but that doesn't mean it is for all 'mothers', no.
DH did as much, or often more of the 'parenting' when ours were little and we were on holidays.
We also put in the yards in to teaching our dc what they needed to pack / take out with them so by later days in the holiday, and certainly future years, they were responsible for their things.

Yeah I totally agree - we don’t get much of a break do we

I'm sorry. It isn't that holidays are hard work for mothers. The issue is that your H isn't pulling his weight.

I think it's about picking the right holiday. If your children are under 6, they are hard work and it takes two.

Not all husbands/fathers are like this, OP. My dc are late teens now, but dh and I always shared the load on holiday.

Show him this picture. This is what life is like for you.

I learned to manage my expectations tbh. I would say for about 12 years holidays were a change of scene but no less work.

Totally agree. This isn’t something inherent about being a mother. It’s about having a lazy husband.

DH is the issue here and I wouldn't be going on holiday again until he started pulling his weight more.

It isn't like that for all mothers.

Not here, no. DH found and booked our accommodation, I made sure the washing was done then he packed for himself and the kids, it was self catering so we shopped together, then split home meals and deciding where and when to eat out. Sun cream, outfits, snacks, bedtimes all split equally but informally as neither of us takes the piss. I was having a grim period when we arrived so he took them out more than I did so I could loll around in peace, other than that we alternated lie ins.

I have a 3 year old and a six year old. We go away multiple times a year albeit short breaks 4 nights max. My husband absolutely puts in the work. I make the lists and he makes it happen. I'm happy to work this way. Ask him exactly what we are doing and where we are going and he will have a vague idea. 😂 But,I'm the boss and he executes.

Also when we are out for the day one of our backpacks is lunch, snacks. And the other has change of clothes, wipes, nappies etc. It makes an easy change if you have a food issue or a hygiene issue if everything is in the same place.

It's often the case yeah, but doesn't have to be.

I assume he also lets you carry the load at home?

Let this be the watershed moment.

I love holidays and look forward to it but always go for all inclusive and my husband is very hands on on holidays.

I always try and approach things in a delegated tasks way. For example, I book holiday accommodation, meals out booked in advance, online shopping, oversee and manage packing. He organises trains, taxi transfers and day trip arrangements. Sun cream and remembering reapplication is his department as is remembering to take it and making sure correct toiletries are purchased (Imodium, suncream, headache stuff, allergies, insect bite stuff). Getting everyone up, not something I'm good at but I can do the breakfast organising and chivving along

This is why I always book a couple of days off work a few weeks after we get back when the kids are back at school. It's my holiday to recover from the "holiday".

Of course he can see the work you’re putting in, he pretends not to see it because if you thought he did he’d have to do his share. I assume he holds down a proper job and sees everything there?

Agreed.

It's easier when:

They are a bit older,
Separate rooms for the kids,
Don't go too far: we went self catering an hour away.

I refuse to make things more difficult than what they need to be.

@Bliss1985 you need to get your partner to do more work. Just came back from a 2 week holiday with 3 kids and we both got a break! If you’re doing it on your own then of course you’re tired.

Yeah it's shit. I never appreciated my mother enough.

I picked YABU as when we went on our rare holidays (used to be once every 3 years as was challenging to get leave AND have it coincide with each other). DH was equally responsible for all the mundane shit I was. Just as he was in everyday life otherwise. So, there is no ‘mother problem’, you just have a DH problem.

It’s not just the packing, organising etc I found with young dc it was often more stressful keeping them safe. In a new country the heat, insects, different dangers, change of food and routine was very demanding and needed more vigilance.
Checking the room was safe, being near water etc. I was constantly switched on because I had to be. Dh did of course do the same, it requires both of us. It was exhausting and in many ways it is easier to stay at home.

Scrap the outings and activities and take it in turns taking some time off.

Where do all these equally responsible and hardworking family men come from that posters claim they have? I've never met one in real life.

Offer a trade. You go off on your own for one day while he minds the kids and then it's his turn.

Best case scenario, he'll get it. If he doesn't, at least you'll have had a free day of vacation...

They exist. My husband had no choice to become an equal adult in our household. We have no family support and both work and most importantly he actually likes me so wouldn’t make my life more difficult by being an arse.