Plane seats - refused to swap

[Annoyed321]

please bear with me, I really need to vent but I need advice too.

Holiday with DH, 8 year old DD and 5 year old DS. Our seats were allocated away from each other. Not even on same aisle literally scattered on different parts of the plane. DH books and sorts checking in and I don’t usually get involved. He tried to apparently check in 24 hours before the flight but there was an error (he didn’t tell me), he was unable to check in and was advised online chat to see a member of staff at airport when we were flying, we get to check in on day of flight and lady says she can’t sit us together. I pleaded with her to at least let there be one of us sat with each child, no problem about all 4 of us sitting together.

She said to ask people when we get to the seat if anyone will swap with us. When we got there everyone refused, which I don’t really blame them as they checked in and chose their seats we didn’t or couldn’t.

I got very emotional as my 5 year old was crying about not sitting next to me DH as usual was unbothered and was just standing around looking unfazed. I’m really embarrassed about my reaction but he said it’s fine and I said it’s not fine “I’m not having my kids sat in between strangers”. It wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making out as it was over very quickly as the cabin crew we spoke to on boarding were able to allocate 2 seats together. Myself and my 5 year old took it and DH sat 2 rows In front of DD who was sat inbetween 2 men, DH was also sat between 2 guys so made no difference where I put her.

I was upset the entire flight and kept asking DH to keep an eye on DD, DH kept rolling his eyes and ignoring me. I felt like a bad mother leaving my child sat there with strangers. I feel embarrassed incase anyone videoed me at the start asking/pleading with people to please swap seats to allow me to sit next to my 2 kids. I only asked about 2 people and they avoided eye contact and ignored me, again I get it.

advice: DH is old fashioned (or should say a complete knob) he won’t share the booking details of flight with me as he’s worried I will mess up the booking, like I’m a stupid child! So I need advice please how can I make sure I am sat next to my kids on flight back home? I will need a booking reference I know which I will have to keep asking him for but the holiday was booked via Expedia and I think that’s what messed up when was trying to check in online 24 hours before. How can I check in if flights were booked with Expedia? I will call them if he doesn’t share booking ref but I doubt they will speak to me due to data protection. Any advice please?

Please be kind and don’t make me feel worse than I feel. Can anyone at least relate with me about how upset I was about DD sat alone? I am a survivor of childhood SA so my feelings might be out of place but I also read a news article literally a few days before flight if a 15 year old girl getting assaulted by a fellow passenger during a flight do these things do happen.

Not sure how long your holiday is but make sure you pay for seats or checkin as soon as you possibly can via the airline’s app. Or give them (the airline not the booker) a call now (avoid webchat that’s useless)

Anyone who thinks it’s acceptable to split a family needs to give their head a shake. The system is completely and utterly flawed and frankly a safeguarding issue. Whilst yes people can select their seats it absolutely should be young families as a priority and the cabin crew should have moved people. The airline likes to stoke tensions on this and make money out of it, but it’s absolutely their responsibility. We once had to fly in an emergency last minute. There were NO seats available to even pay for and me, I checked in immediately and my two children under 3 were separated!! I phoned the airline up and argued for ages but they kept telling me to sort it at the airport. At the airport they told me I had to speak to the flight attendant as it was their responsibility! Panicking we got to the plane and I spoke to the flight attendant and it’s like they had never heard of it. Funnily enough you cannot get a 3 year old and a 2 year old to sit in separate seats on separate rows away from you and be responsible to keep their belt on. Luckily two very lovely men from the back of the plane offered to move. It is not embarrassing- it’s ridiculous that airlines are getting away with this. Families with very young children should be treated the same as those requiring extra assistance and get priority checkin.

I'd be happy not to sit near children, so I would move unless I'm seated next to a complete knob. He sounds awful.

To get seats together you either pay for them at the time of booking or at any time up to about 2 hours before takeoff, subject to availability. It's really not difficult. TBH I wouldn't swap seats when I've booked and paid for a specific seat (I always do, I always buy an aisle seat. My reasons, my choice, my money-it's important enough to me that I am prepared to pay) and no amount of crying children or parents having a wobble would make me change..sorry🤷🏼‍♀️
Back to you though. You need to get your ridiculous husband to share the booking arrangements with you for all future flights. This isn't 1950 ffs!! And if sitting with your children is important to you (it is to me) you'll have to pay for that certainty and suck up the cost.
I hope your next flight(s) are much less stressful for you and your children.

Priority check in, yes then everyone else in left to just get on with it. No sorry don't agree, life's unfair so what. Budget airline is and unless you stump up then cope.

How am I nasty for wanting something iv paid for

I recently bought RA tickets through a 3rd party in error (the website colours were exactly the same blue and yellow as airline)

I was travelling with my 12 year old and I have mobility issues. The 3rd party were useless and wanted everything done online and then stated I couldn't check in my daughter online.

I contacted RA, explained the situation, got my booking validated and added to their direct booking site and got my daughter checked in, got mobility assistance and paid for seat allocations. There was no hassle at the airport.

If you're ever told you cant check in online, call the airline directly and speak to a manager. Even when booked through a 3rd party (or unauthorised party as RA kept telling me) you can get your booking requests sorted. You have to be prepared to wait on the phone to speak to a real person, but if you're polite you can usually get things sorted.

Sorry that your husband won't let you take over. It just adds to the stress of the situation as he's not taking this seriously nor great at admin.

First of all big hugs. Your DH is an utter knob and this is not your fault. Even if booked with Expedia, you should have a booking reference separately for the flight itself. Unfortunately without him providing that information to you, you’re a bit stuck. Also unfortunately you can check in much much earlier so lots of people will have reserved seats way in advance complicating matters further.

If he doesn’t like to lose control, just suggest you sit down together and check the seat arrangements for the refurn journey.

As others have said, when you book the holiday or flight you get the option to pay to book the actual seats you will sit in. Like when booking theatre or concert tickets you get to see which seats are available or taken. Then you can select a row of 4 together. The closer the time is to the flight date the less likely you are to be able to book seats together even if you pay. So if it was a last minute holiday / flight there may not have been an option to sit together even if you paid for the allocated seats. After that it is pot luck as to which seats you will be allocated - basically if you dont pay for allocated seats then the staff will book you into what remains on check in.

I travel on holiday with a friend - each of us single parents with kids. I always pay to ensure me and child are sat together. I would hate the thought of my child sitting next to strangers and I know he would be very anxious about it as would I. I too have previously experienced SA on public transport when I was young. I just would not take that risk. My friend is more relaxed about it and doesn't see why she should pay extra for allocated seats so she does not. She says she has never had a problem, and upon check in tries to get seats together. She says staff will always try and sit parents and young children together and yes they do - but if its a full flight with 90 percent of passengers booking allocated places they can still only do so much. She has had to have one of her children sit away from her. She asks folk to move and sometimes they will and sometimes they wont. So its is a gamble. I guess its her gamble to take.

In your situation you could see if you could book allocated seats next to your child and pay ahead for this privilege if not too late to do so - it would be what remains of any remaining unallocated seats. Its all done online so you would need the booking ref and login. Even if you managed to get this info there is no guarantee you could sit next to your children.

The best thing probably to do now is to try and arrange to arrive super early for your flight and check in asap and ask for seats with an adult next to the children - seating 2 together in different parts of the plane is more likely. The earlier you get there the more likely you will get the best of what remains in terms of seating. At this point most folk who wanted to pay for allocated seats have already done so so it is probably the best option.

If you dont get to sit together try and sit near and in sightline. Try and keep yourself calm for your kids. Try not to get emotional as this will transfer to your kids that this is risky and scary. Use deep breaths to control any anxiety and emotion. This is more likely to get the best out of asking strangers to swop seats also.

Once you are back home you can evaluate the relationship that has resulted in a husband who will not book seats for his family to sit together - like I say possibly there were not 4 available at the time anyway but you can probable agree some ground rules for future holidays to save this unnecessary stress in future. Best of luck !

Smallpinecone

I think seating the two DCs together between two strangers would mean they’re unlikely to fight. Also bribery helps.
DCs generally fight to attract parents attention.

I really feel sad that people are saying “pay like the rest of us”, and wish they’d stop as that isn’t the issue. You’ve stated that you would have paid but there was a computer glitch.
I totally understand your concerns and if you can’t get onto the website to book your seats before flying home maybe you could explain your concerns to the checking in staff. Just take a deep breath and tell them that all children have to travel with a responsible adult and can they guarantee that will be the case if you’re not seated together. Emphasise their duty of care too but keep as calm as possible and ignore everyone else. Don’t worry about anybody filming you, any mother in your position should feel the same surely

Why didn’t he just pay to choose the seats when he booked? Then he wouldn’t be rushing to try and choose them at check in 24 hours before the flight? We pay to be together as a family and our boys are 11 and 13 now.

on the other hand, did you overreact? Yes you did - I doubt you will have been filmed and be on social media, but there wasn’t any need to beg and plead to people who probably had paid in advance to ensure they had seats together. I flew regularly as an unaccompanied minor from age 5, and never had any problems sitting next to strangers. Sometimes they were kind and chatty, other times they didn’t say a word to me, but I knew to behave myself regardless and sit and read a book.

we’re your children actually upset but he situation or just upset because you were crying and getting upset?

To make sure I sit next to my kids, I pay to sit next to them. I don’t care about the extra cost it’s worth it for the peace of mind.

Perhaps you take control of booking it and checking in in future? I know that adds to your load though. He sounds awful

As usual first place nails it!
Ps next time assert yourself and book the seats -

I always book direct with the airline and would never use a third party unless it’s Trailfinders. They are brilliant.

Christ alive. We all pay extra (upon booking) to choose our seats. People who dont pay but then plead and beg others to swap are being unrealistic

I do feel for you OP but everyone who wants to sit together (even parents and children) have to pay extra. It’s just the way it is on (some) airlines.
personally, I would refuse to go on holiday again unless you or your DH pay for you all to sit together.
people not moving is totally normal too, especially as they’ve chosen their seat and paid for it (as you said.)
very difficult situation but unfortunately, you should’ve paid to sit together.

I fly a lot and its my experience that when you check in, if many others have got there before you, that you cannot guarantee sitting together unless the airline allows you to pre book seats together which frequently comes at a cost.

I frequently get asked to move because someone wants an aisle or a window seat or the seat I paid extra for to guarantee extra leg room. If I have paid - no chance, if I just checked in before them and get the same class seat elsewhere on the plane, I am generally happy to move but sometimes the sense of entitlement annoys me and I refuse...because I can and if you want a favour at least be nice! One man asked if I would swop seats half way through a flight as the person in the row in front of him had been sick and it was making him feel sick......and I truly sympathised but no way was I going to put myself in that same position. He had a real go at me for lacking consideration and compassion!

Indeed - when my children were very little and I was still breastfeeding I used to book extra legroom seats for all of us!

Now my daughters are older (one is at primary school) I book an Aisle seat next the and entire row of three seats so I can pop with my children to the toilets! While DH takes a seat with the girls.

I also book within two rows of an emergency exit over the wing (safest place to sit if there is a crash) the most dangerous seats are at the front of a plane.

I pay for this and quite frankly wouldn’t give up my seat, not even if financially compensated.

Only way to guarantee seats together is to pre-book. Your DH hasn’t done.

Sorry that’s not helpful for you returning home!

Also, dw about anyone posting videos. You’re a mum looking out for your kids x

When you said, at the end, you have suffered SA in the past, its understandable why you were upset. Personally, I am with your husband on this. It was very highly unlikely that those two men were S.Offenders. Your daughter was perfectly safe. It all ended OK.x

I think a lot of people have forgotten how it used to be back in the old days before low cost airlines.

A ticket would cost, say, £100 and include your seat reservation at time of booking, hand luggage and hold luggage, drinks and a meal.

Then the low cost airlines started.
£25 a ticket! But £10 for hand luggage, £25 for hold luggage, £25 for your seat reservation another £10 for food etc. before you know it you are back to the £100. But because the headline rate was so low everyone forgot what used to be included. The other carriers had to compete and here we are.

Hi OP I'm sorry to hear that you went through this - it happened to me earlier this year but it was my own fault. I thought I'd already chosen my seats (I had paid for them) but realised when checking in that I hadnt and we scattered all over the plane. I mentioned it getting on the plane and they managed to find us seats together (me and DS) but they didnt expect me to start asking people. On the way back it was the same thing and luckily someone on my row swapped so I was able to sit across the aisle from DS. It was very lucky as he threw up from a dodgy landing and I was just close enough to catch it haha.

That's the risk of doing your checkin last minute. For whatever reason.. if the app does't let you do it you are stuck and it's ones own fault. With kids don't be tight arsed and pay for your seats and sit togerther.

Checking in 24 hours before your flight you do not pay the seats but they give you random seats. Your own fault (or his).

Two ways to all sit together:
do the booking yourself and buy seats.
Do not book through a third party ie Expedia. Book directly with the airline.