Plane seats - refused to swap

[Annoyed321]

please bear with me, I really need to vent but I need advice too.

Holiday with DH, 8 year old DD and 5 year old DS. Our seats were allocated away from each other. Not even on same aisle literally scattered on different parts of the plane. DH books and sorts checking in and I don’t usually get involved. He tried to apparently check in 24 hours before the flight but there was an error (he didn’t tell me), he was unable to check in and was advised online chat to see a member of staff at airport when we were flying, we get to check in on day of flight and lady says she can’t sit us together. I pleaded with her to at least let there be one of us sat with each child, no problem about all 4 of us sitting together.

She said to ask people when we get to the seat if anyone will swap with us. When we got there everyone refused, which I don’t really blame them as they checked in and chose their seats we didn’t or couldn’t.

I got very emotional as my 5 year old was crying about not sitting next to me DH as usual was unbothered and was just standing around looking unfazed. I’m really embarrassed about my reaction but he said it’s fine and I said it’s not fine “I’m not having my kids sat in between strangers”. It wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making out as it was over very quickly as the cabin crew we spoke to on boarding were able to allocate 2 seats together. Myself and my 5 year old took it and DH sat 2 rows In front of DD who was sat inbetween 2 men, DH was also sat between 2 guys so made no difference where I put her.

I was upset the entire flight and kept asking DH to keep an eye on DD, DH kept rolling his eyes and ignoring me. I felt like a bad mother leaving my child sat there with strangers. I feel embarrassed incase anyone videoed me at the start asking/pleading with people to please swap seats to allow me to sit next to my 2 kids. I only asked about 2 people and they avoided eye contact and ignored me, again I get it.

advice: DH is old fashioned (or should say a complete knob) he won’t share the booking details of flight with me as he’s worried I will mess up the booking, like I’m a stupid child! So I need advice please how can I make sure I am sat next to my kids on flight back home? I will need a booking reference I know which I will have to keep asking him for but the holiday was booked via Expedia and I think that’s what messed up when was trying to check in online 24 hours before. How can I check in if flights were booked with Expedia? I will call them if he doesn’t share booking ref but I doubt they will speak to me due to data protection. Any advice please?

Please be kind and don’t make me feel worse than I feel. Can anyone at least relate with me about how upset I was about DD sat alone? I am a survivor of childhood SA so my feelings might be out of place but I also read a news article literally a few days before flight if a 15 year old girl getting assaulted by a fellow passenger during a flight do these things do happen.

Sorry to say this Annoyed321, but your DH is an imbecile and a twit. I've booked with this website a few times before and their online check in is extremely straightforward. I suspect he was very late logging in and therefore made some excuse. There is NEVER a problem with seating a family of four together, or a child with one parent (2 separate pairs), or two children with their mum (3 together). I strongly suspect he messed up the booking or tried to save something like £30 so that he could only check in late and have to accept that everybody will be scattered far and wide. If I'd messed up myself I would be asking my spouse to come and take a look and help, not hide it from them. But then again I don't cut corners for holidays abroad.

If there is a seating issue, it is often worth asking the staff at check in (10% chance of getting seats together), if unsuccessful, asking the staff at the gate (5% chance of getting seats together usually if there are no shows - ie people have checked in online but don't turn up), or ask the cabin crew very nicely, calmly and politely upon boarding- the final say rests with the onboard supervisor , who is the most senior flight attendant on duty during that flight. Be patient, be prepared to stand with kids quietly and unobtrusively to other passengers while they discuss where everyone is. I've been asked to swop seats before- included a coveted aisle I got up early to reserve! - but always by the flight attendant, never by passengers. Once, their intervention was essential - someone had been assigned my seat! Well we can't both spend the flight in the same seat. The man stayed in his seat so I went to tell a flight attendant I'd found a problem and explained it politely and calmly. He said, could you wait a while so that we can sort it out? I did, while still holding on to my hand luggage. (He didn't tell me what he was going to do). After what seemed like a long but not unreasonably long time, I thought I would be put into some cramped corner seat, but he said "please follow me", and led me to business class! (I felt like I didn't totally deserve as the other passenger had been more punctual and boarded first). But they said they reseated me and not him because I had my luggage with me and was polite and ready to move (the other passenger had already put his hand luggage in the overhead compartment and settled in comfortably!)

This only works if the flight has a business or club class that isn't full. If you're on one of those charter flights or a full economy class-only "low cost" (I use quotation marks as budget airlines can sometimes be more expensive than BA!). It's an awful situation if you are faced with a plane that is full and you can't find two or three decent human beings not travelling with children or disabled companions willing to be civilised and move around to help out some kids. Usually getting your DD or DS to cry loudly and unendingly on cue upon sitting down is effective- the noise generally makes the adults on either side so agitated that they will beg you and your other DC to take their seats!

I'm usually a control freak over the booking and would have refused to leave on holiday if I wasn't in charge of the booking myself.

If faced with the situation of being separated on the flight like you were and there really was no other convenient solution, I would have told the crew I'm not flying, asked to offload our checked in luggage, and either booked another flight or stayed home. If I did have a traumatic personal history as you have with SA, I'd have absolutely refused to go on the flight. (But would have tried getting both kids to cry loudly first. If bribes/rewards to encourage them to give their best Oscar-winning performance didn't work, I would really have given them something to cry about, eg tell them some fake bad news that would trigger the tears.)

Your DH is useless and awful. I'd have got off the plane with the kids and be preparing to give him the boot. (Sometimes, however, if you ask to offload, and leave the flight, the cabin crew miraculously manage to get people out of their seats to swop with you. Because offloading means they could be at risk of delaying the flight and being fined heavily. But I have only ever flown with airlines that have never allowed a seating situation like that to get out of hand.

The cabin crew really do have the final say - that's part of aviation law - and not passengers regardless of whether they have paid more for early check in or seats with their BFF or newly wed spouse or whatever. So when it comes down to it, it was actually the cabin crew at fault here for your misery. And as a parent, I'd say a 13 year old does not need to sit next to their parent/guardian, but for safety, eg turbulence, accidents, etc all under ten year olds should sit with their parent/guardian. Which awful airline or holiday company (if it was a charter flight) was this??

Whenever I’ve booked through Expedia they’ve supplied a booking code that can be used directly on the airlines site for seats and check in.

Budget airlines wont work with 3rd Parties beyond the absolute legal minimum. You will still get asked if you want to buy seats when you check in. Do it as soon as you possibly can and you have a better chanc. Your partner not working with you on this is a bit strange tbh.

With and next to are two different things. So a child in the middle seat with the parent on the row behind in the middle seat counts within aviation guidelines. Or across an aisle.

checked the regs with ChatGPT No, there is no UK law that legally requires parents to sit with their children on flights. However, the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) strongly recommends that airlines should seat children close to their accompanying adults for safety reasons Which?GoodtoKnow.
What UK Guidelines Say

• The CAA guidelines estimate that children and infants should ideally be seated in the same row as their adult, and—if that's not feasible—no more than one row away to ensure quick emergency evacuation Which?reducedmobility.euGoodtoKnow.

Airline Practices in the UK Airlines are not legally bound to follow these guidelines, but many choose to do so voluntarily:

• British Airways: Guarantees that children will be seated with at least one adult in the same booking; infants (under two) can select seats for free Which?reducedmobility.eu.
• easyJet: Their system tries to seat families together, especially if you check in early, though it's not guaranteed; children under 12 will be seated "close to an adult" in your booking Which?The Complaining CowMoneySavingExpert.com.
• Jet2: Will always endeavour to seat children (under 12) next to their accompanying adult; if not possible, they're placed no more than one row away Which?VisaVerge.
• Ryanair: Requires one adult in the party (with children under 12) to pay for a seat reservation; children's seats are then allocated adjacent at no extra cost. Without paying, seating is randomly assigned, making separation likely Which?ExpressBirmingham Mail.
• TUI (formerly Thomson): Aims to seat families together, but cannot guarantee it; if a child ends up separated, the airline will reassess and reassign during check-in Which?The Complaining Cow.
• Other UK carriers (like Virgin Atlantic) generally aim to seat families together, but specifics vary

Sure. If I’m paid to. You don’t pay for something and then have it taken away from you and not get your money back plus some for making yourself inconvenienced.

imagine ordering a meal at a restaurant and having it given to someone else because they really wanted it. And you being given the cheapest thing on the menu and told you are still paying for the original dish

No if im paying others should to or deal with the consequences. BA flights are triple the price of low cost airlines so lca need to make their money through seating and luggage

Well obviously you are not the target audience here. It’s childless single people travelling that it makes no real difference to if it’s 20D or 24D, whereas to young families this would cause separating them.

I think the OP explained how this happens.

We can never check in online with a lap baby. So in theory my other child could be apart from us. My husband has a BA card that lets him book a seat when he books the flight, so we usually do, but I think generally they only offer this at online check in time.

I just googled and BA guarantee children will be with parents until 12 which seems sensible and probs why we have never encountered any issues or seen all these bizarre situations where people argue about seats.

I did once swap with someone when I had a B seat on the upper deck of a BA flight, someone asked to swap assuring me she also had a B seat… Well I didn’t realise it was 3 abreast and not 2 downstairs. will never fall for that again.

This^
People might have different reasons for choosing a particular seat: back problems, visits to the toilet, anxiety
Adults are entitled to suitable seats as well, it’s parents role to make sure that they sit together with their kids.
We always pay even if DD has additional needs and the airline will absolutely try to put us together but it’s not worth the hassle and upset. A couple of time we asked to swap but it was the same seats just a different row (for 3 of us to sit together), value wise people were not affected. I knew they could refuse and I was grateful they did it as DD was at a state.

She said to ask people when we get to the seat if anyone will swap with us. When we got there everyone refused, which I don’t really blame them as they checked in and chose their seats we didn’t or couldn’t.

of course you could have picked your seats. I always chose to pay as I travel with 2 disabled teens. Literally nobody prevented you from booking your seats. You likely spend thousands on the holiday and couldn't be bothered to spend a tenner on seat res reservation. All self inflicted.

I would not give up may paid for seat either.

How is it rude to pay extra to choose the seats you want to sit in and then not let someone else sit in the seat you have paid for? Do you apply this logic to other things that cost money?

Everyone has their reasons… well I think often these days they’ve probably been hyped up by Threads like this one. Not all reasons are good reasons. Why would someone be so determined to keep their seat that they would rather have a random child next to them.

I won't use third party sites to book flights anymore due to numerous problems in the past.

Me neither. I use third-party sites as a search engine to find the flight options, then go to the airline's website and book directly.

From her posts, I suspect that the OP is not a native English speaker, which might explain her use of the term.

Even checking in 24 hours before a flight doesn't guarantee you'll all be sat together, because most people pay for seat allocations when they book the flight.
Also, you are setting your children up for a lifetime of anxiety if you fall apart like that in front of them.

This would have been stated at the time of booking and Dh invited to select and pay for booked specific seats. Have travelled with my children for 20 years. Several dozen airlines. Always been able to book seats together with kids whether at booking or at check in…. But there was a fee.

DH did not want to pay the required fee.

What's the airline? Are you sure that you haven't been checked in for both legs already?

I fly easyjet a lot, never pay for seats and they always put me and DS together.

This happened to us flying to the US this summer with an Irish airline. All the adults could check in but not our youngest - we had pre booked seats on booking but the airline changed the flight time very slightly and we were allocated seats, despite paying.

I don't think this is only an issue when booking through third parties, though things may have changed in the last few years.

We flew with our children a lot when they were young. Even though we were flying long haul and always booked directly through the airline, we experienced this same problem. The online systems wouldn't allow us to book seats because children were included and we couldn't get allocated seats until we checked in at the airport. It was frustrating, but they did always manage to seat us together.

A few years ago, my DS went on a shorthaul domestic flight with a friend. They were both 15 and classed as unaccompanied minors. We wanted them to sit together, especially because his friend was an inexperienced flyer. They were not allowed to book seats online so we phoned the airline. They said there was no way to book their seats in advance because they were unaccompanied minors. It seemed bonkers to us! In the end, they weren't seated together but were fine.

I understand that, which is why I referenced childless people in my post. I personally don't like to treat people as less worthy just because they don't have kids. Everyone has their reasons - physical disabilities, anxiety (or other non visible disabilities) toilets, preferring a window seat, being tucked away, etc.

This is the way to go. If you get a delay or are bumped and are entitled to compo it is an absolute nightmare trying to process it with a 3rd Party booking. Direct bookings 10 times easier and some like Wizz give you 20 perc extra if you put it in a wallet to spend on flights. They wont even talk to 3rd Parties.

You have no need to feel embarrassed by what you said or did. I’d be very upset in your shoes too. Unless those passengers were sitting by their own children, I think it’s pretty shitty they didn’t move

If you book with easyjet you can check in weeks in advance, it's a million times better than Ryanair and BA's crappy last minute policy.

Why don't you and your husband book stuff together OP, you can both keep an eye on each other then!

OP’s husband messed up at the time of booking, also British Airways typically charge more than the budget airlines, as explained earlier, so that’s why you’ve not experienced the “bizarre situations”.