Plane seats - refused to swap

[Annoyed321]

please bear with me, I really need to vent but I need advice too.

Holiday with DH, 8 year old DD and 5 year old DS. Our seats were allocated away from each other. Not even on same aisle literally scattered on different parts of the plane. DH books and sorts checking in and I don’t usually get involved. He tried to apparently check in 24 hours before the flight but there was an error (he didn’t tell me), he was unable to check in and was advised online chat to see a member of staff at airport when we were flying, we get to check in on day of flight and lady says she can’t sit us together. I pleaded with her to at least let there be one of us sat with each child, no problem about all 4 of us sitting together.

She said to ask people when we get to the seat if anyone will swap with us. When we got there everyone refused, which I don’t really blame them as they checked in and chose their seats we didn’t or couldn’t.

I got very emotional as my 5 year old was crying about not sitting next to me DH as usual was unbothered and was just standing around looking unfazed. I’m really embarrassed about my reaction but he said it’s fine and I said it’s not fine “I’m not having my kids sat in between strangers”. It wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making out as it was over very quickly as the cabin crew we spoke to on boarding were able to allocate 2 seats together. Myself and my 5 year old took it and DH sat 2 rows In front of DD who was sat inbetween 2 men, DH was also sat between 2 guys so made no difference where I put her.

I was upset the entire flight and kept asking DH to keep an eye on DD, DH kept rolling his eyes and ignoring me. I felt like a bad mother leaving my child sat there with strangers. I feel embarrassed incase anyone videoed me at the start asking/pleading with people to please swap seats to allow me to sit next to my 2 kids. I only asked about 2 people and they avoided eye contact and ignored me, again I get it.

advice: DH is old fashioned (or should say a complete knob) he won’t share the booking details of flight with me as he’s worried I will mess up the booking, like I’m a stupid child! So I need advice please how can I make sure I am sat next to my kids on flight back home? I will need a booking reference I know which I will have to keep asking him for but the holiday was booked via Expedia and I think that’s what messed up when was trying to check in online 24 hours before. How can I check in if flights were booked with Expedia? I will call them if he doesn’t share booking ref but I doubt they will speak to me due to data protection. Any advice please?

Please be kind and don’t make me feel worse than I feel. Can anyone at least relate with me about how upset I was about DD sat alone? I am a survivor of childhood SA so my feelings might be out of place but I also read a news article literally a few days before flight if a 15 year old girl getting assaulted by a fellow passenger during a flight do these things do happen.

Seats are really not your main problem, are they? How can we help you get away from the controlling dick you're married to?

Thank you! But let’s do one problem at a time 😂 how can I make sure I sit next to my kids. Also should I be really embarrassed how I reacted and pleaded with strangers to let me sit next to my kids? I know I sound crazy but I’m worried incase I got videoed and end up on TikTok!

Generally, to sit next to your kids, you pay through the nose.

You can pay for allocated seats at the time of booking, a long time before you try to check in. It wasn't the fault of the other passengers that your husband's a dick.

To ensure you sit together, you have to pay. You can choose seats at time of booking or up to X hours before the flight, depending on the airline. Leaving it until 24 hours is risky. ‘Together’ can also be over the aisle or behind each other.

It’s the least of your problems though, as PP says.

DH is old fashioned (or should say a complete knob) he won’t share the booking details of flight with me as he’s worried I will mess up the booking, like I’m a stupid child!

Well, he's the one who's fucked up, isn't he, not managing to book you seats next to your children? Perhaps you should let him know that he's not to be trusted with booking things and you'll need to take charge from now on.

Just pay the hundreds of pounds to book the seats like the rest of us do.

I really don’t mind paying and DH has faults but he definitely wouldn’t skimp on paying extra to sit together all other times we have always sat other this has never happened. I was shocked they would actually sit kids away from parents. I genuinely think it was an error on the computer.

People pay to get the seats they want. I see it as a part of the ticket price now.

Pay like everyone else!

If you want to sit together you need to pay. Don’t be surprised though if you are left with random seats again for the return.

Well he’s not got a leg to stand on saying you can be trusted with the booking because he massively fucked this one up. I can’t believe he didn’t care about his 8yo DD having to sit between two men she didn’t know. My girls would have found this extremely stressful and upsetting. (mine are neurodivergent so maybe I’m seeing things differently, I don’t have anything to compare them to).

Which airline is it? Ive never been separated from my dc, sometimes I've paid, other times not (usually if we book last minute I can't book seats together but we've been allocated new seats on check in at the airport)

I'm surprised any airline is separating any young kids from parents, not my experience at all

You need to get the reference, log in and pay for the seats. Ask him for it or maybe try and do it together

If you want to sit next to each other or your children you pay for seat allocation. Simple as that

I probably would have sat with the 5 year old for takeoff and landing, and the rest of the flight sat the children together.

(obviously this depends on how they get on)

how long was the flight?

Sorry I don’t think I’m being clear. We would have been able to choose our seats when we checked in but he couldn’t complete it online. There was an error on the system as it’s booked via 3rd party. He’s done it before and I’ve seen him 24 hours before we check in and choose our seats but this time there was an error which he didn’t tell me about

Wow! He won't let you have access to the booking. Get away from this guy. Something tells me you have hundreds of examples like this. No wonder you're a nervous wreck.

Other people won’t know your circumstances with DH and I am afraid they will likely think you were too cheap to pay and have to bear the consequences. Everyone knows you have to pay to sit with your kids on budget airlines these days. The only way you can guarantee it on the way back is to check in sooner online and pay for seats together. If he won’t let you have the details to do this or do it himself then the same thing will happen again. I can’t see any way around it that doesn’t involve him I’m afraid. I hope he will sort it having seen yours and Dds distress

I think in 2014 we probably chose seats at the online check in stage but the last few years we have selected seats and paid at the point of booking. For whatever reason your DH clearly has chosen not to do this and play roulette with the seat allocation.

Seats have different price points, I prefer to sit at the back so they are "only" about £25 each. However having booked them and paid for them I would assume you had made a conscious choice to try and save £100 and it hadn't worked out for you.

I wish people would respond to what the OP actually said - she isn't trying not to pay but her h is controlling and won't sort out the seats together and won't let her do it either.

I don't know what to suggest OP - could you get into his emails if he leaves them logged on on a shared device and do it from there? Sorry if that's not helpful but you're definitely not being UR. Don't worry about what people thought - they don't know you and I'm sure they have forgotten it now. chances are your dc would be fine but I completely understand not wanting them sitting next to strangers just in case they need you.

Your H sounds a total prick.

Yes I’ve never experienced it either and we have been travelling since DD was 4 months old. We never had this issue before. I

You cannot guarantee to sit by your kids. Even paying for seats you could be split up.

You need a clear conversation with your DP about your flight home. When does check-in online open and plan to do the seats immediately. Unless you can book seats together now?

As for flight out, you could have sat your children together and you say alone. I would do this so they had each other.

Use a travel agent.

Your DH is an absolute dick. It’s super easy to get seats together, you just pay when you do the booking. Sometimes it’s not even that much.

Your best bet now (assuming he hasn’t done that) would be to just go online with the booking reference on your phone and check in as early as possible to try and get at least 2 together. I bet it was working fine but your idiot husband couldn’t be arsed. If he refused to share the details with me I’d raise merry hell and either refuse to fly back with them at all (I’d book my own flight), so he has to go with the kids on his own, or say I’m going to book completely separate flights with the kids back myself a day early and then change the locks when you get back.

Honestly I think this is coercive control though, and he’s using the kids to get a reaction, what an utter bastard.