To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

[Erisheck]

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

Oh dear, I routinely do this to mow the grass and my eldest is only 6!

My husband works weekends so it’s the only option I’ve got. That said, never perceived it as particularly risky.

I agree with you OP.

I think DD was naughty and you shouldn’t be hypocritical to have a shower and leave them but DH was in the wrong.

The grass did not need mowing at that exact moment and he could have done it any other time.

It would be no different if he posted that he nipped to the shops for 10mins and that’s when you decided to have a shower.

It’s not just the fact that they were left alone but that there was no need to leave them.
He could have just waited until you got back.

OP regularly leaves her children unattended while she goes off for a shower though - how is that any better than leaving them to go and mow the lawn?

He was irresponsible and I'd be annoyed too. But equally, I wouldn't leave a 16 month old in an area that wasn't 100% baby proofed whilst I had a shower either.

Choking is often completely silent and an 8 year old can't be relied on to notice in time.

For the reasons she explained - she’s upstairs with them, she can hear them and she’s in the shower for much less time.

I'm with you op.
Its worrying that we are in the minority 🤔

An 8 year old should know better than to draw on a baby. Your husband shouldn't have left them.

Yeah not great but no real harm done. A word in the ear of your DH and then a chat with DD to say what she did was wrong. Shouldn't happen again.

Spot the golden child here 🤨

Sounds like you don’t give your DD enough responsibility.

She’s certainly capable of keeping an eye on a baby and knowing what is and isn’t safe. Presumably your house is baby proofed and you don’t have choke hazards lying round?

My older DC were definitely keeping an eye on a younger sibling at that age, with an adult in the house. Potentially playing with them in a playpen rather than ranging free. Maybe that would be a good solution for any future shower/lawnmowing situations.

He should have waited until you were home? What’s the big rush! You need a shower daily and can’t always wait for your partner to be there! Im with you OP, again another father just doing as he pleases!

Sorry OP, your being a little silly here.

You have already admitted to doing the same when you shower, the 8yo is more than capable of getting your DH attention the same way as getting your attention if you were showering.. although you could have shampoo in your hair which will slow you down and be naked.. have you cover up.

Your 8yo should have known better, if you had come in and the baby was sat there playing nicely with 8yo you wouldn't have been as bothered, it was the baby being covered in pen which was the 8yo that seems to be the issue.. that could have happened whilst you showered too.

Bloody hell, I’d barely leave my almost 8 year old with my 3 year old without checking in on them/being in ear shot. Toddlers don’t think rationally and an 8 year old can’t parent them. I think 16 months is way too much responsibility.

In the same respect, I’d be very surprised if my two drew on each other or anything they weren’t supposed to.

Id be having words with both your DH and DD and insist he doesn’t leave them like that until the youngest is a older

The husband was 100% responsible for both children until OP got home. He chose to mow the lawn (very noisy) and delegate his responsibility onto the 8 year old. Sure, an 8 year old shouldn't draw on their younger sibling but it was the husband's job to make sure both kids were safe. He was the only adult in the home at the time. So, I'd explain to the 8 year old why what happened was a bad idea and I'd have a strong word with the husband.

so he wouldn't be able to go to the loo either? make a phone call, or go in the kitchen to make some food?

If you can't leave an 8 yo for 10mn, you have a problem.

Calling them both "babies" is weird, neither of these 2 children are babies anymore. They are very little, but the 8 yo need to be treated like an 8yo ,not a toddler by her mum.

The dad should have waited until mum got back if she was only out for 10-15 minutes.

If the youngest child was actually a baby it wouldn't be too much of a problem if they'd been fed, changed and put down to sleep. The 8 year old could do their own thing nearby and go get dad if baby woke up or there was a problem. A toddler is a different story, much more unpredictable but in this case it wasn't really necessary for the older child to look after the younger one, the lawn mowing could wait 10 minutes.

I’d actually feel more comfortable with them watching a baby than a toddler. My youngest isn’t much older than 16 months old and can get herself into a scrape whilst being supervised, let alone the sheer chaos if she wasn’t adequately supervised. 15 minutes is a looong time to not have eyes on a child that age.

I am with OP. If an emergency happened, there is no way the father would have heard.
As quite a young child, I was asked to look after my baby sibling. No, I was not safe to do it and I think parents shouldn’t rely on older children to look after younger siblings. I remember once my mother asked me to walk my 10 month old sibling around the garden in the push chair. I slipped and the sibling fell out into the nettles. My mother was livid.

Anyone with more than 2 kids does things like this all the time. Oldest minds toddler while BF newborn, or stays with newborn while toddler has a bath or whatever. I don't think Dh was wrong. I'd be chatting to 8yr old, it's awful behaviour and unusual but honestly it's the kind of dumb stunt DS1 would have pulled so I can't be too judgemental! Honestly I think this happened because the 8yr old has never been given this responsibility before and they were having too much fun with it.

I just don’t think an 8yo should ever be left in sole charge of a toddler, even for 10 mins. That’s my hill on this one.

And yet you regularly do just that when you disappear off for a shower

She still wouldn't know if her toddler was choking, though, which seems to be her main concern here. She'd also be totally unaware if her 8yo was drawing on her toddler unless she owns special pens that make loud noises every time they're used

Calm down OP!

The 8 year old was given the responsibility of making sure nothing terrible happened to the baby while Dad was 30 seconds away in the garden. He was not at the pub, hadn’t taken drugs etc. He was within easy reach if there was a genuine emergency.

Realistically, Dad got a job done, kids had a marvellous time and baby got a bit grubby. No one got hurt or was truly in danger. Even if they had put a pen lid in their mouth, it sounds like 8 year old could have alerted Dad to the emergency.

You cannot spend your entire lives watching your children. Yes, take reasonable steps but you can’t remove every risk. What if the pens were in a draw? Would that still be your DHs fault?

Take a deep breath and enjoy your children while they are small. If you still have spare time I suggest praying for when the teenage years hit 😂

It is possible to feed a child and have the other 2 with in your sight.

I know right!

Your 8 year old is behaving worse than my 4 year old, who I can leave with his 18 month old brother for a few mins with the door open, tv on and regular checks. Drawing all over a baby is something I would even be angry at a toddler for so the 8 year old is obviously either very badly behaved, testing boundaries or has a learning disability of some kind. The first two require immediate consequences - if the second is the case your DH is a dick for leaving them alone with the baby.