To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

[Erisheck]

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

I’m with you op. Not sure if this makes you feel any better, or worse, but when my baby was little mil and sil were pressuring me to employ 9 year old dn as a babysitter so we could go out at weekends. Bear in mind, this was an only child with absolutely no experience of babies.
They made me feel like a basket case for not being ok with this.

Dd2 was 8 and ds 7 when dd3 was born. Not in a million years would they have drawn on her. Ever. It is not OK behaviour and OP thinking it is makes it worse. I teach. I would be very concerned at that.

We were living in Sweden at the time. Nos 2 and 3 would pop out to the local shop to choose and buy lunch (to my set budget). Either times have chnged drastically in 20 years or OP is utterly oblivious to her child's behaviour.

I agree with you op, it's not like he popped to the next room for a couple of minutes. An 8 year old is still young enough to get distracted and stop concentrating on the baby and 16mo is mobile enough to get into all sorts of trouble.

My 8 year old would’ve been fine but he’s a very risk averse little lad and sensible. Your DS sounds a bit different. As pp said it’s your lad not your husband you should be cross with.

I couldn't get worked up about this at all. An 8 year old should be able to shout if something was going wrong. Scribbling on a baby is definitely weird, it's like they were rebelling in the face of a bit of responsibility.

Does your eight-year-old feel any resentment towards her sibling? Her behaviour is quite bizarre if "playing schools" involves drawing on her "pupil"!

If your older child does feel resentment, or regularly displays this kind of immature and weird behaviour, it's probably not a good idea to leave your children together unsupervised for any length of time, including while you have a shower.

On the other hand, if this is a one-off episode and your child usually acts like a normal eight-year-old, you are being unreasonable.

I don’t think DD’s behaviour was “normal” either, I’ll give you that. She does know not to draw on people, she’s not daft. I think she got carried away in her little “game” and yes, that will be dealt with. I’m not excusing it, but she is still a child and makes silly decisions at times.

What I can’t get past is DH knowing what she’s like and still leaving her with that responsibility. He’s her dad, he knows she’s not a mini adult. Why risk it? Why not just wait until I was back? That’s what I don’t understand. It was literally 10 minutes until I got home with the shopping. Instead he chose that exact moment to start mowing the lawn. Baby was in the living room crawling about, pens left on the coffee table from earlier. Honestly it could have been so much worse.

And to those saying I’m “neurotic” or “furious over nothing” it’s not nothing to me. Maybe it’s my anxiety talking but I don’t think it’s over the top to want my baby properly supervised. A 16 month old can get into all sorts of danger in seconds. What if she had got hold of something small and choked. DH would not have heard a thing because of the mower and the ear defenders he had on.

I do take on board the point that if I’m not happy with either of us leaving DD in charge, then I need to be consistent with things like showers as well. Fair enough. But honestly, I’d rather just agree that neither of us does it again. Then at least I know baby is safe.

Still think mowing the lawn could have waited. That’s the part that feels so needless. It makes me feel like he just didn’t want to actually sit with them and found a reason to busy himself elsewhere. It makes me feel like I can’t trust him to use common sense. And that’s why I’m so cross.

The baby was safe. It was your DD who drew on them!

It’s not fair on the 8 year old. Imagine if something had of happened while she was ‘in charge’?

100% agree with this. Fine to be in and out getting on with chores, definitely not fine to be in the garden unable to hear anything. Particularly if your 8 year old isn’t used to that type of responsibility. An 8 year old could do it maybe, with clear instructions, but I don’t think its a good idea at all.

I think the issue here isn't the distance he was away, it is that he could not have heard had something gone wrong.

So if the baby was choking, or fell off something, your 8 year old would have to run into the garden and right to her dad and prod him or get in front of him to get his attention. She may, in a panic, not think to do that.

Some 8 year olds would be fine to be left with a toddler and a parent who can hear if things are going wrong, but I don't think any 8 year old is fine to be left with a toddler where the adult cannot hear whats going on.

10 yes, 8 no.

If there's a parent in the garden leaving an 8yo to watch a toddler and raise the alarm if anything goes wrong is reasonable enough.

Drawing in the toddler OTOH......

@Erisheck - "... What I can’t get past is DH knowing what she’s like and still leaving her with that responsibility.... "

So what is she like? A liability?

You didn't say so in your OP.

I'm more team OP.

I could never leave a one year old without eyes nor ears on them for 15 minutes. Not all 8 year olds are the same and they are still young children and can be impulsive - as demonstrated here.

Considering your 8 year old is badly behaved or hasn't yet mastered the impulse control of a toddler, I'd say that they shouldn't be left, but it's more a DD issue than a DH issue. I'd be happy leaving my child inside whilst I do garden jobs and they're younger.

OP - AIBU?

MN - Yes you are, but you have a different issue to address here

OP - No I don't and I'm NBU

MN - Yes you do and yes you are

OP - No I don't, it's different when I do it. Time moves differently when I'm in the shower to when DH is in the garden so it doesn't matter that it only takes a milisecond for something to go wrong, I can sort it

MN - but what about the other issue you have to address here?

OP - I don't have one, it's still DH in the wrong

If it was "common sense" (as you've written above) not to act as your DH did, then this thread would be completely siding with you. The fact that c90% of posters disagree with you shows that it definitely can't be considered "common sense", even if you disagree with his actions.

I'll ask again: what's the point in asking 'am I being unreasonable?" if you dismiss anyone that thinks you are?

Exactly

You can’t hear when you’re in the shower, the older child acting a bit weird and I think your husband is fine to mow the lawn

I have an 8 year old and a 20 month old.
She will happily supervise her brother for 15 minutes or so.
DH is not the problem, you're massively over reacting.

What I can’t get past is DH knowing what she’s like and still leaving her with that responsibility

Considering that teenagers can be random silly things too, do you plan to never give her responsibility like that?

I mean this tongue in cheek but you know what your DH is like but you still left him with the baby 😉

Tbh I would have mowed the lawn and had the girls play in the garden if the older one couldn’t be trusted. I am a single parent and when I mowed the lawn, my kids would stay inside and get me if there was an issue.

I wouldn’t leave a child to look after a baby. Big gaps don’t mean kids can look after kids. I’ve seen first hand sibling rivalry with the older kids delibrately hurting or provoking the younger kids.

YABU

I agree with everything you’ve said, including that a shower is different (with children just outside the door, door cracked open) and that DDs behaviour is within the realm of normal. I don’t think it was appropriate for him to leave them alone inside together and I’d have been very annoyed as well.