To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

[Erisheck]

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

Your 8 year old should definitely not be drawing on a toddler, that really needs nipped in the bud. Based on that alone no I wouldn't leave them alone ever when your 8 year old doesn't know right from wrong.

I've left my kids alone to shower, hang out washing etc and tbh they end up finding me anyway and both would find me or shout at the top of their lungs if something were wrong. I've been doing this since youngest was 1 eldest 6. They're now 4 and 9. Eldest has also never drew on their sibling.

How do you think us single parents manage to mow our lawns?

I disagree.
It's not a problem child.
It's a problem husband.

He's very lucky that something worse didn't happen whilst he was outside of the house and deafened with a noisy machine and ear defenders.

What an absolute idiot to take such a risk!

As for the shower, why does she need to have a shower whilst the 16 month old is awake anyway? I always had mine after my DDs were asleep when they were toddlers. Not difficult.

I have a six year age gap between mine and at 8 DD1 could watch her sister for 10 mins if we were elsewhere in the house or garden. She knew things like pen lids were choking hazards and would not have let her toddler sibling have biros.

8 year old enough to know not to draw on a baby. I’d expect that from a 3 or 3 yet old

Deflection from the dad who was outside, using a noisy machine, had ear defenders on and couldn't hear a thing.

It isn’t the point I’m making. IMO, the OP should wait until her DH is at home or when her baby is asleep to have a shower. Her DD could just as easily have scribbled on the baby whilst she was in the shower.

I don’t think the DH should have mown the lawn until the OP was back home, either.

None of this means that the DD shouldn’t also be told off for her actions, obviously, an 8 year old is old enough to know better.

Ah but, had there been a problem, his elder child would have run into the garden and grabbed him.

I used to have mine in the bathroom with me, they usually liked to join me too whether they needed bathing or not.

This incident will blow over, nobody died and everyone has (probably), learned their lesson.

Your poor DH.

An 8yr old is more than capable of being left with a 16month old whilst dad cuts the grass for 15minutes. You're overreacting.

8 is also old enough to know not to scribble on a baby.

Showering is a necessity and she doesn't leave the eight year old in charge. Unless you live in a mansion, you can still hear what's going on and you are actually in the same building. There's also a time difference in mowing a lawn and grabbing a quick shower.

Showering can be done whilst the children sleep

The children are still left alone

Showering does limit what you can hear. Hearing wouldn't stop the drawing either. Rushing out of the shower because of a scream could be quite dangerous too

OP was only out for 10/15 minutes. DH went out to mow the lawn during that time, knowing OP would be back. It's not much of a time difference

I took the children with me until school age

Whose lawn needs mowing anyway? Mine is brown dead and dusty

I’ve just reread the OP and it got me thinking. Please can I check some wording @Erisheck? You said in your OP that you were only meant to be 10 mins when you went to the shop. How long were you away? Did you stay longer?

How long were you gone ?

You said only meant to be 10mins. Then said it was literally 10mins

then dh said it had been for 15m

my dd is 8 and is capable of looking after aka playing with a toddler for 10mins if been asked to keep an eye on them while I was in the garden

she def would have not drawn on them

Yanbu. He could have waited for you to get back, and like you say he would not have heard anything if there was a real issue. I'd also be really annoyed at the 8 year old for drawing on the baby

I also noted that there was an implication OP was out longer

Which makes me wonder if she was out longer than expected for some reason she now feels extra guilty about because if she had been the expected 10 minutes then there wouldn't have been a problem and so she's lashing out and doubling down to try and assuage that guilt

YANBU. I’d be furious with him too.

Like a PP said I assumed the 16mth old had drawn on themselves

She'd have gone to get her dad. My 8 year okds would all have been capable of being alone with a toddler and calling me if there was a problem. And none of them would draw on anything but paper by that age.

Anything can happen when an adult is with a child, and there is no way to dress it up it is not normal for an 8 year to think they are helping by drawing on a child

How many accidents in hospital were there of children being ''supervised'' by parents, and you can justify the fact you think a shower is different but things happen when parents are in the shower, mowing the lawn, using the toilet, cooking or doing any number of things

all this seems to be is a case of you thinking you are better than him, sure be as angry as you like at him I do not think he did anything wrong but I would be working out why an 8 year did this first

As you were only gone for ten minutes and he hadn’t started to cut the grass when you were still there he was probably only away from them for 5 minutes and expected you back. I agree that 16 months is not a baby.

Showering can easily wait until the kids are in bed.

She is leaving the 8yo in charge because she’s occupied elsewhere - and she definitely can’t just pop her head in to check on them if she’s in the shower.

I’m not sure being in the same building means much - if I’m in my living room I’m only a few metres away from my garden - it’s no different to being in the room next door.

OP, I understand your concerns but your 8 year old writing on the baby is shocking, not normal at all.
Really bratty behaviour and certainly not the behaviour of a child that could be left alone for 5 minutes.
Not normal.
Talk to your husband for sure, but the huge issue is your 8 year old writing on the baby.

I think there are many 8 year olds capable of keeping an eye on a 16 month old while you are pottering around doing jobs etc.