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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

466 replies

Erisheck · 25/08/2025 13:35

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 26/08/2025 16:24

NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 16:03

Your argument about leaving them is about not hearing them

For deaf parents, they can't hear their child. Do you expect them to stand and watch them none stop every hour of the day?

It was left alone for 10 minutes to play whilst Dad was outside, not left to feed and bathe the toddler whilst Dad went to the pub!

Show quote history

Daft isn’t it?🙄🤷‍♀️

BrickBiscuit · 26/08/2025 16:26

YANBU. A 16-month-old should only be without adult supervision for the minimum possible time. Lawnmowing is not essential, and should not contribute to that time.

Devilsmommy · 26/08/2025 16:28

OhHellolittleone · 25/08/2025 13:49

We have a very open plan downstairs but if I’m washing up my back is the the front room/play area. I will ask my 3 year old to tell me if baby crawls off mat towards the pram (the only thing I need him to stay away from!) I turn round frequently, of course, but trust my 3 year old to call me and she does… your 8 year old should be able to be in a safe room with baby alone and call dad if necessary…

Id happily leave my baby to be supervised in the play room at my in laws with cousins 8 and 10. I’m in shouting distance, as is your husband.

But it's not shouting distance is it if a lawnmower is going? No way would I do a noisy job and hope an 8 year old could watch a 16 month old. If it's a job where you can hear what's going on then fine but not lawnmowing

Hairshare · 26/08/2025 16:30

Parents should not have to literally have their eyes on their children for every moment of the day. DH was only in the garden and would have rushed in if anything went wrong. Eight isn't too young to be watching a toddler with a parent close by.
DD's behaviour was very disappointing for her age, and hopefully you'll be able to make her see how wrong it is to draw on a defenceless child.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/08/2025 16:31

splendidpickle · 25/08/2025 13:41

I know lots of people on AIBU like to be performatively laid back, but you can't leave an 8 year old to look after a baby while you're outside and completely incapable of hearing any shouts if there's a problem!
Maybe to leave them alone while you're doing something in the house is one thing, but this is not that.

That's true. He wasn't in hearing distance... and even then he had the lawn mower going. I don't think the 8 year old was being very friendly towards the baby. They would not have liked or allowed someone to draw all over them with a biro..so they knew what they were up to.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/08/2025 16:32

Just to add, DH's task was to look after baby whilst you were out.. not do the gardening outside the house instead.

WhichPage · 26/08/2025 16:36

He was not being a very responsible parent, personified by your biro covered baby should anyone be in doubt.

If he makes such decisions then you can not leave him to make such decisions can you which leaves you solo parenting.

Is he trying to make a point to you that you don’t do enough while also watching kids I wonder..,,,

Plus getting a quick shower is different in that it needs to be done, is quick, is close to kids and safe for them to get to you as well as possible for you to get to them.

loulouljh · 26/08/2025 16:54

Husband was there though..I would be ok with that but not ok with child who should know better drawing on the baby

Pdam · 26/08/2025 16:56

I'd be more concerned at your 8 year old's behaviour, I have a (only just turned) 8 year old, this isn't the behaviour of a child that age, even my 4 year old wouldn't do this.

Your husband was fine to mow the lawn, unless you own 30 acres I imagine your garden is right outside your back door.

OverTheWater28 · 26/08/2025 17:36

Your 8 year old is the issue here not your DH

Rewis · 26/08/2025 17:59

I know lots of people on AIBU like to be performatively laid back,

Parenting on MN is anything but laid back.

LeesLady72 · 26/08/2025 18:06

Your story changes several times. Did your DH have headphones or ear defenders on? Who wears ear defenders for a normal domestic mower? You said it’s no different to when you nip upstairs for a shower, then you said your children are always upstairs when you shower and you’re only steps away. Weirdly inconsistent.
Your 8 y/o should have known better than to draw on the baby, that’s appalling behaviour.

Sharptonguedwoman · 26/08/2025 18:15

YABU at under 8 I was sent out to walk my DB round the green in his pram. An 8yr old should have a reasonable idea what to do.

youngmum2000 · 26/08/2025 18:38

I looked after my younger brother all the time from the age of 9. He was born when I had just turned 9 and I cared for him from a newborn. I don’t think it was unreasonable of your husband to, it’s not like he left the property. 8yo should know better than to let baby scribble everywhere

NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 18:48

Petitchat · 26/08/2025 16:07

No matter how much you try to deflect, it was dangerous and risky.
Not a risk I or any parent I know, would take.

Edited
Show quote history

It was as risky as leaving them to shower

It's as risky as many other basic things in life

And as shown here, it's a risk many parents WOULD take

NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 18:51

Boomer55 · 26/08/2025 16:24

Daft isn’t it?🙄🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Honestly some of the replies would have you believe he abandoned the children in a pit for several hours with the older one expected to cook, clean and wash the younger one and no idea when someone would return to them...

Soontobe60 · 26/08/2025 18:52

Erisheck · 25/08/2025 14:23

Ok wow lots of strong opinions here.

Just to clarify again I am NOT “fine” with DD drawing on the baby but she honestly thought she was being helpful. She was “teaching” her letters. She is still a child herself, and I don’t think it’s fair to pile blame on her when the adult in charge literally chose to hand over responsibility.

And yes I really do think it’s different to me going for a shower. When I shower I can still hear bumps, crying, shouting. The mower is SO loud and DH had headphones on as well. He couldn’t have heard a thing.

Maybe “furious” was too strong but I am still very cross. It just feels like DH doesn’t take it seriously, and that is what is winding me up most. It’s always a joke with him when it comes to stuff like this.

I just don’t think an 8yo should ever be left in sole charge of a toddler, even for 10 mins. That’s my hill on this one.

But you’ve said you go for a shower and leave them.

BrickBiscuit · 26/08/2025 19:54

Soontobe60 · 26/08/2025 18:52

But you’ve said you go for a shower and leave them.

Show quote history

The idea is to minimise unsupervised time by limiting it to more essential activities, and taking care to maintain awareness by earshot etc. OP points this out - surely you can't miss it. DH withdrew his attention completely for a non-essential task, which was negligent.

Sennelier1 · 26/08/2025 20:56

I think YABU. I'm sure your DH told your 8yo to immediately come to the backdoor if there was any problem. An 8 yo should be capable of doing just that. Your young daughter is a big sister for 16 months now, has seen the baby grow , has played with her sibling numerous times. And this time what she did, p'aying, only you were gone for 15 minutes bjt dad was in shouting distance. I don't really see a problem here.

Washingupdone · 26/08/2025 21:50

I would be really worried with an eight year old writing on another person. . Where would the idea come from as teachers at school do not write on the children.

SomeKindOfMeh · 26/08/2025 21:53

When DS1 was 6, DS2 sucked a bottle top into his mouth and would have choked if DS1 hadn’t noticed and grabbed it out of his mouth. I think younger kids are pretty responsible when you trust them.

I don’t think it’s that bad. How big is the lawn??

Lalalalalala1992 · 26/08/2025 22:37

I am a social worker and do not think that you are being unreasonable. A 16 month old is prone to accidents due to their stage of development at that age and needs to be supervised by an adult. An 8 year old and a 16 month old can be together in a room for a short period of time, it's realistic and part of life however at no point is an 8 year old responsible for keeping a toddler safe for a period of time without an adult in ear shot. I have dealt with multiple referrals over the last 8 years in practice with young children of this age who have sustained significant accidental injuries due to a lack adult supervision. Examples include drinking diffuser liquid, multiple head injuries from falling from sofa, pulling furniture down onto them, being intentionally injured by an older sibling- the list goes on. The responsibility in these situations is always on the adult.

In summary, it's just not worth it. If it was an emergency situation it could have been proportionate and justified however to mow the lawn, he should have just waited for 15 minutes to until you came back. The amount of blame placed on your 8 year old whose brain has not fully developed in relation to consequential thinking is really sad to hear from so many adults.

Not directly linked but for context- there is a reason, backed by research and evidence as to why the age of criminal responsibility is 10 years old above in the uk and 12 in Ireland.

Petitchat · 27/08/2025 08:15

BrickBiscuit · 26/08/2025 19:54

The idea is to minimise unsupervised time by limiting it to more essential activities, and taking care to maintain awareness by earshot etc. OP points this out - surely you can't miss it. DH withdrew his attention completely for a non-essential task, which was negligent.

Show quote history

I agree, it WAS negligent.
And unfair on the young girl to pass his responsibility onto her.

Petitchat · 27/08/2025 08:20

Lalalalalala1992 · 26/08/2025 22:37

I am a social worker and do not think that you are being unreasonable. A 16 month old is prone to accidents due to their stage of development at that age and needs to be supervised by an adult. An 8 year old and a 16 month old can be together in a room for a short period of time, it's realistic and part of life however at no point is an 8 year old responsible for keeping a toddler safe for a period of time without an adult in ear shot. I have dealt with multiple referrals over the last 8 years in practice with young children of this age who have sustained significant accidental injuries due to a lack adult supervision. Examples include drinking diffuser liquid, multiple head injuries from falling from sofa, pulling furniture down onto them, being intentionally injured by an older sibling- the list goes on. The responsibility in these situations is always on the adult.

In summary, it's just not worth it. If it was an emergency situation it could have been proportionate and justified however to mow the lawn, he should have just waited for 15 minutes to until you came back. The amount of blame placed on your 8 year old whose brain has not fully developed in relation to consequential thinking is really sad to hear from so many adults.

Not directly linked but for context- there is a reason, backed by research and evidence as to why the age of criminal responsibility is 10 years old above in the uk and 12 in Ireland.

I was wondering how SS would view this.
I'm glad you posted and I'm sure OP will be too.

Sadworld23 · 27/08/2025 08:28

Hrft, if he left them doing an activity, eg playing with toys and they could get out to call Dad, then maybe reasonable.

If he just walked off and left them to do their own thing, or for 8 year old to entertain toddler, not reasonable, not sensible and not advisable. Same goes if they couldn't get out to him bc doors locked high gates etc.