To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

[Erisheck]

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

Yet it hasn't.....

Yep, but that's just luck, not some kind of weird skill on OP's part.

8yo's can easily climb baby gates or open them. Using one isn't some kind magic cure to keeping older children safe.

Totally double standards isn’t it but like you say people ignore that. Some like to just have a go at men regardless of if he’s wrong or right

Those comparing it to the OP showering - yes - you probably wouldn’t be able to hear from the shower. But people do need showers and sometimes mothers need showers when the father is not in the house. The OP has to find a safe way to do that.

What the OP’s DH has done is different though. Mowing the lawn needs to be done about once a week if that. This was a day when both parents were going to be home all day by the sound of it. The OP asked her DH to look after the kids for 10 minutes while she went to the shop.

He couldn’t even do that - 10 minutes. It would have made no difference to mow the lawn 15 minutes later when his wife was back, but no. She asked him to be fully responsible for his kids for 10 minutes and he immediately went outside and left them alone when he couldn’t see or hear them.

I think he actually may want the OP to come to the conclusion that he can’t be trusted to look after the kids on his own and then she will never ask him again. Job done.

I didn't mention baby gates. Is it luck, or is that the risk is far smaller? I think anyone with any common sense knows it's the latter.

Why did you even bother asking OP? Since you're so convinced that you're right?

If a mum posted she went outside to mow the lawn and left her 16mo under the care of an 8yo who then scribbled all over the baby she'd be ripped to shreds so yes, it is double standards and misogynistic.

Well, I personally think it's luck - and I also think she's had a shock to see her toddler covered in biro and is now lashing out because of it.

I agree with you that it’s not at all the same as popping in the shower for a few minutes (and I’m actually quite laid back as a parent - I’m definitely not a helicopter parent!)

Also:
“Still think mowing the lawn could have waited. That’s the part that feels so needless. It makes me feel like he just didn’t want to actually sit with them and found a reason to busy himself elsewhere.”

This is exactly what I was thinking - he couldn’t be bothered to actually spend time with and be responsible for the children for just 10/15/20 minutes, so he found himself a ‘legitimate job’ to do. Something where he can’t be interrupted by the children and he has off-loaded the responsibility onto a child, taken himself off outside and put ear-defenders on. It is a non-essential task but one that, in his mind at least, makes him beyond criticism because he wasn’t just on his phone/watching TV/at the pub just up the road. If this is a one-off, he’s been a bit of a prat, but I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of his attitude to the care of the children and whose responsibility he thinks they are.

Lashing out? By expecting her dh to act like a responsible adult? Gosh how terrible of her.

Yes - because she leaves them unattended too and therefore being just as responsible (or irresponsible) as he is.

This. It's a fucking disgrace seeing people holding an 8 year old to a high standard and a father to no standard at all. Wonder if it would be different if it was a wee boy who drew all over his sibling. Probably more flexibility there in terms of expectations.

As a single parent of dc with a 3 year age gap( mine was left to watch the baby far younger than 8. We did have a make up incident once but again, way before that age where I’d definitely have expected better. We don’t think dh was especially unreasonable although I guess it could have waited where as I had to just get on with things. Still not a massive deal though. Just be glad it was the baby and not the cream leather sofa as I once had. Getting biro out a sofa is no mean feat 😆

An 8 year old drawing all over the baby is unacceptable. I would expectych better behaviour from a child of that age. I would also be completely unmoved by an explanation of teaching them letters. Er no. Having said that I'd also take a dim view of husband leaving them to their own devices especially with pens around.

It sounds like the OP is the one who does all the childcare and is therefore the one who should be deciding when her daughter is old enough and responsible enough to mind the baby, and what circumstances.

People will do ANYTHING but expect men just do what they're fucking asked.

Well we're never going to agree on that are we. However the fact you're more concerned about the hypocrisy than the safety of baby left in the care of an 8yo speaks volumes.

Yes. Also the fact he was so PLEASED WITH HIMSELF ugh

I didn’t say I wasn’t concerned about the safety of the baby - I just personally think it should be absolutely fine to leave an 8yo to supervise a toddler for a short period of time while a parent is on hand for emergencies (whether that’s showering or mowing the lawn).

For me, it’s the behaviour of the 8yo that’s most concerning here. At that age I was walking to the corner shop to get milk or to the chippy to get food - the fact that this child can’t be left alone without drawing all over her sibling is bonkers to me.

Disagree, it’s far too much pressure to allow an 8 year old to care for a baby. Yes they were naughty to have drawn on sibling but the onus is always on parents

Let’s be honest, we only have the impression the OP has provided and the OP is determined to believe that they are in the right and their annoyance is completely justified. For all we know the DH started work in half an hour and was mowing the lawn because there wouldn’t be another opportunity to do so and it’s due to rain from tomorrow.

I do similar with the kids when I shower. I can hear them. Your husband needs to think what it would be like to explain his decision if anything sinister had happened to either child.

Tbh it's one of those things that I wouldn't even put to a vote. Common sense isn't that common, after all.

Yet you addmit to having a shower?
Who is looking after the children then?
Do you like your husband.

I know every child is different but the situation on face value doesn’t sound unreasonable at all to me. I was an elder sibling myself who always looked after my younger brother from a very young age.

I also have a very sweet and sensitive 3 year old and I know if I were to leave him with his 1 year old brother I’d be VERY confident that he would never draw on him. Really shocked that an 8 year old would think to draw on their baby sibling tbh.

Showers can happen when the children are in bed. Lawns can’t be mowed then.

I have an 8 step daughter and there is no way she would draw on my 19 month old and I would definitely trust her to watch him while I done a job. Your other child is definitely the problem here.