Husband has extreme right wing views

[HelpMeUnderstandPolitics]

Not sure if this is the right place to post as it's not an AIBU but more of I think my husband is being and I'm not sure what to do about it.

He's getting caught up in some quite extreme right wing views in regards to migrants. Complains about how they're coming in, being housed in hotels, paid allowances etc. with no checks and how crime rates such as rape are now ten fold etc. He thinks Trump is great 😪 He's very intelligent so I'm not sure how he's managed to get caught up in this extremist view point.

WWYD?

They use emotional manipulation to control their family. I try to model it in my own life to my leftie circle (my Trump-voting parents!) who have no idea I voted for him too because it needs be fucking normalized again. Politics is no reason to cut off loved ones who are otherwise decent people.

At least he's not a Tory supporter . Now that would be a real problem!

@standfirmI’m not sure if you got the point of my post. I’m in no way a supporter of Trump or his politics. My point is - in my experience - saying you believe sex is real and matters typically results in the progressive left labelling you as far-right, a Trump supporter etc. It’s an ideological purity spiral whereby people are effectively bullied into complying with the ‘correct’ set of opinions, with no room for deviation or nuance. You’re in or you’re out.

I’m a Labour voter, I marched against apartheid, I spent the first 5 years of my career working for a refugee charity, I voted remain, I believe in abortion rights, I don’t think men can become women. Am I allowed to call myself left-wing? Or is that only possible with complete capitulation to the approved set of opinions?

I find it interesting that people talk about how they couldn't live with a husband who "loves Trump". Did the OP say that?

I have a lot of right wing and conservative friends in my circle, including Americans who voted for him and campaigned for him

They say things like

He's a bit sleazy but I find him funny!
Come on, against Kamala it was an easy choice
I don't like him personally but he's the only one who sees [issue X] clearly
I'm glad someone's finally making a stand for traditional values but I'm uncomfortable with how many wives he's had
I loved hearing him on Rogan, it gave me such a good sense of him as a flawed but full human
He's wrong on Israel but he's right on Ukraine

etc etc
There are probably people who think he's literally Jesus but it's a bit odd to act as though every one of his "supporters" is in this camp.

In the dystopian world of the extreme leftists on this thread such as @Ymiryboo, I bet they’d argue it would be “abusive” to expose their children to their father’s “toxic” views, and that he should not be permitted contact.

In the dystopian world of the extreme leftists on this thread such as @Ymiryboo, I bet they’d argue it would be “abusive” to expose their children to their father’s “toxic” views, and that he should not be permitted contact.

OP wrote, "He thinks Trump is great".

So, it doesn't sound as if her husband thinks Trump is an odious human being, but agrees with a few of his policies. He actually admires him.

Or maybe option 5, as most mature happy couples do…. seek to understand the other, be open to their opinions, and agree to disagree where they differ, respecting that people can - in good faith and without being monsters - have different opinions.

It’s largely the “extreme” left and right, convinced of their own purity and correctness, and the depravity of those who disagree, that tend to struggle with this I think. The fact you didn’t identify the 5th option suggests you’re on the extreme end of the spectrum.

On the contrary, the Left’s insistence that legitimate concerns about immigration are far-right “dog whistles”, demonises those with the concerns, and pushes them right-ward to those who are more welcoming, and who are sympathetic to their views, even if they might disagree with some of them.

As a species, we naturally align ourselves to tribes… that alignment is generally far-stronger than “facts and logic”, so they’ll join a group that broadly aligns with their views and welcomes them. The insistence on ideological purity is the Left’s fatal weakness, and counterproductively lead to the surge in the right.

For all their talk of inclusivity, the Left seem to be intent on forming their own exclusive ideological clique… and then wonder why they’re losing the “culture war”.

For example, I’ve never previously considered myself on the “right”, but now feel much closer to them than the “left”, who’ve pushed me away with their intolerance.

Do you have absolutely any evidence for that? Because all actual scientific research shows that such behaviours are in fact learnt not ingrained

Option 5 only works in cases where neither party is extreme. I am laying out 1 through 4 because of the OP's own wording: "He's getting caught up in some quite extreme right wing views in regards to migrants. Complains about how they're coming in, being housed in hotels, paid allowances etc. with no checks and how crime rates such as rape are now ten fold etc. He thinks Trump is great 😪 He's very intelligent so I'm not sure how he's managed to get caught up in this extremist view point."
My own experience dealing with someone who slipped far down the rabbit hole over a number of years is that option 5 is de facto ruled out. It's very unfortunate when that happens. I'm not talking about extremes, OP is.

My husband is allowed to think Trump is great if he wants to (he doesn't though). It honestly wouldn't bother me. How my husband is with me and our children is the real thing.

We've clashed a lot over many things over the years, the more important things like raising our children, and on those big things that actually makes a difference in your daily life, we learnt to negotiate for the bigger picture of our lives and our children.

Grown ups do this to maintain long-term relationships where people frequently change over the years in what they think and believe. I once had a spell of going to Church, DH once voted conservative.

Putting husbands, family and friends in the bin is actually the extreme behaviour and a shitty game to play on your kids.

OP has since said that on reflection, "extreme" was the wrong word and he isn't an extremist.

Sit down together and look at the evidence for and against his views, then discuss your findings. Some of them may well have some foundation, others might not - same as with yours.

Really wasn’t shocked that the first 20 replies were telling the op to leave her husband because he holds a view that they don’t agree with. Some people are actually fucking crazy

That's how I feel. I was left wing, then became centre for many years , as Is my current stance. But seeing what left wing now looks like and all the intolerant, insult flinging, ignorance, hatred and gaslighting of anyone with legitimate concerns re: immigration (illegal or economic under the guise of asylum) is pushing me to centre right.

Extreme right = "I do not agree with immigration (both legal and illegal) I hold prejudice to anyone that doesn't look like they are a UK native and will voice that opinion and act on it if needs be " I am not willing to listen to the other side of the debate and will not be open to suggestions providing information to the contrary.

Extreme left : "I support immigration in all forms and am willing to overlook any growing problems emerging from illegal immigrants/asylum seekers and will shut down /report/become aggressive at any opposition. I will continue to support and encourage all forms of immigration at all costs " I am not willing to listen to the other side of the debate and will not be open to suggestions providing information to the contrary.

So far : I'm only seeing one form of extremism on this thread.

Most people's opinions (non extreme left) can probably be summed up as : "I support measured numbers of legal immigration. That's not my problem. I do however have concerns about illegal immigration and economic immigrants under the guise of asylum seekers that are here in increasingly high numbers and am concerned about the damaging effect it is having on our economy and way of life "

That does not call for people being gaslighted and accused of racism and bigotry.

👏👏👏👏

This is exactly what happened to me. I've been called a bigot and a neo-nazi by the very inclusive 'progressive left' because I dared to say sex is simply binary. It's been an eye opener

Furthermore, I genuinely feel for @MNHQ who have been essentially accused of being racists themselves on another thread by the extreme leftists, including accusing one moderator of not taking down "racist bile" because they want the cash 😯. And by "racist bile" what they actually mean as they're thoroughly hacked off that MNHQ are not removing opinions that are different to their "correct" one. That right there is extremism.

Too long the extreme left have gotten away with running the place. Extreme liberalism, increasing silencing and it's been left to flourish. Hence our children are being told they can change sex if they don't like pink dresses, and further still, it's being brainwashed into them at school via a government approved curriculum! Young vulnerable girls are being told it's all in their heads when seeing an emerging trend of immigrants from certain backgrounds practicing malicious sexual predatory behaviour towards them. They must ignore the race or ethnicity element. People being accused of racism for angrily expressing the multiple child murderer Axel Rudakubana looked "scary and unhinged" in his (if you can call that it a him) mugshot. More concerned about the sensitive aspects of a child murderer than the 8yr old (non white 2 of them ) victims.

And this utter utter madness is why people are fed up of letting the liberal left run the show. It'll lead to wars.

Most people are looking for balance . Yes, balance. And the more extreme the left get , you will see a rebellion that borders on "angry right". But if you start listening to people that are rightly concerned- you might just get the balance right

One of my friends votes Tory and I definitely don't.

My mum is a practising Christian and my dad is an atheist.

But for me personally, those differences aren't remotely comparable to finding out that your husband admires Trump. I find Trump truly despicable, so that would be a red line for me. Substitute Trump for Putin and I would feel exactly the same.

I'd worry about what sort of beliefs and values that such a man would try to pass on to our children, and how I could best protect them from this. That might involve splitting up, or it might mean staying together until our children were older. But our romantic relationship would be dead in the water.

As I've said before, I think the best case scenario for the OP is that her husband has got sucked into some internet propaganda and doesn't know all of the things that Trump has said and done, or wrongly believes them to be fake news (even the felony conviction and the sexual misconduct that Trump has openly boasted about). If this is the case, then maybe one day OP's husband will look back at his previous beliefs and be horrified. I hope so.

You must be kidding, right? Disgusted?!

All these posters asking these questions about OP and their children - what do you suggest she should do? Divorce him and inforce NC with his children?!

Of course having loads of disagreement is not ideal, and yes, in some circumnstances may lead to divorce, but I do nto think this is what is happening here.

My husband was a legal immigrant in the USA, and is now a citizen. He despised Trump with all his heart, and would call his supporters 'uneducated Trumpanzees'. He now thinks he is vile, a narcissist and possibly a sociopath, but also that 'a couple of his policies are not totally wrong'.

Should I LTB or not?

Probably not. He doesn't sound like a rape apologist or a hate-filled racist. Also, a stopped clock is right twice a day, so I dare say even Trump has a good idea once in a while.