Page 27 | Husband has extreme right wing views

HelpMeUnderstandPolitics · 2025-08-24T19:34:55+00:00

Not sure if this is the right place to post as it's not an AIBU but more of I think my husband is being and I'm not sure what to do about it. He's getting caught up in some quite extreme right wing views in regards to migrants. Complains about how they're coming in, being housed in hotels, paid allowances etc. with no checks and how crime rates such as rape are now ten fold etc. He thinks Trump is great 😪 He's very intelligent so I'm not sure how he's managed to get caught up in this extremist view point. WWYD?

hamstersarse · 26/08/2025 07:22

nothingbeats · 25/08/2025 23:54

This. When will people wake up fgs

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I would also note that many of these men are from trauma situations so not in the best frame of mind

theiblis · 26/08/2025 07:54

He thinks a child rapist is great, if he thinks that then he isn’t ’getting caught up’ he is in the cult. The amount of American women divorcing or going NC with family just shows how bad things are.

I personally wouldn’t want to be anywhere near someone who think half the world population should be incubators for the global workforce. Absolutely awful situation for you to be in, but you cannot stay in a relationship with a fascist.

i know people that having been secretly using parental controls on phones and TV’s to try to recalibrate people’s algorithms if you need to fight back and can’t leave?

OleanderBoat · 26/08/2025 08:29

OP you may not know much about politics you say, but you do have an instinct. You have a gut feeling that his comments do not come from a good place and are possibly racist etc. If you are not going to leave him, then I guess all you can do is ask him to stop talking like this in front of you and the children.

And maybe this would be a good chance to learn a bit more about the issues so that you can have a decent debate with him.

OneAmberFinch · 26/08/2025 08:42

hamstersarse · 26/08/2025 07:21

I can’t speak for men but I have tried to understand what’s going on and my take is that there is a growing backlash to untethered femininity in our culture. Nb: not feminism, femininity

it starts with non competitive sports day and ends up with open borders to ‘be kind’

IMHO there is something in this, ideally femininity and masculinity work together, keeping each other in check and a lot of our politics leans more feminine atm - prioritising kindness over competitiveness or strength. Some call it toxic empathy.

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Yes. I agree with this.

I think young men find it hard to come up with specific examples because it's become so much the default, that they are worried rejecting them will make them seem uncivilised rather than simply male.

e.g. Are you angry? Go to talk therapy, not an hour in a boxing ring to let off steam

Why would someone immediately jump to the conclusion that the only way to "act more like a man" is to wantonly go around raping everyone in sight unless society has totally lost any kind of positive channel for masculinity?

marshmallowfinder · 26/08/2025 08:42

GreenTurtles3 · 24/08/2025 20:52

I'm going to go against the (left wing Mumsnet) grain here and think that LTB is bad advice. It could be that he's been caught up in all the media hype and has become a little brainwashed. Listen to his concerns and discuss like adults. I'm sure things will calm down in time.

im an educated non racist female and I am extremely concerned about the sheer volumes of young undocumented males fleeing war zones and other cultures alien to ours. How can you not be??

Edited

I couldn't agree more. Well said.

OneAmberFinch · 26/08/2025 09:13

theiblis · 26/08/2025 07:54

He thinks a child rapist is great, if he thinks that then he isn’t ’getting caught up’ he is in the cult. The amount of American women divorcing or going NC with family just shows how bad things are.

I personally wouldn’t want to be anywhere near someone who think half the world population should be incubators for the global workforce. Absolutely awful situation for you to be in, but you cannot stay in a relationship with a fascist.

i know people that having been secretly using parental controls on phones and TV’s to try to recalibrate people’s algorithms if you need to fight back and can’t leave?

"To prevent fascism, secretly reconfigure your partner's phone to avoid them viewing any non-approved material"

JHound · 26/08/2025 10:21

Trendyname · 25/08/2025 22:10

Op already wrote in her updates that he won’t disown them. I don’t think she is coming back as posters are using their own imagination over what she said.

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I was responding to HelloHellNo

StandFirm · 26/08/2025 10:24

hamstersarse · 26/08/2025 07:21

I can’t speak for men but I have tried to understand what’s going on and my take is that there is a growing backlash to untethered femininity in our culture. Nb: not feminism, femininity

it starts with non competitive sports day and ends up with open borders to ‘be kind’

IMHO there is something in this, ideally femininity and masculinity work together, keeping each other in check and a lot of our politics leans more feminine atm - prioritising kindness over competitiveness or strength. Some call it toxic empathy.

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What are femininity and masculinity though? You've given a list of arbitrary stereotypes. Jesus preached compassion and founded a major world religion off the back of it. Was that feminine? The fact that you are opposing strength and compassion is concerning. And what does 'untethered' mean? Are you saying that whatever the feminine 'essence' is needs to be controlled or limited (which is what tethered implies)? Men can be men all they like, all we want is for them to respect us, to be grown up and accountable. 5 min on MN will show you that the man-child behaviour is the biggest issue in most problematic relationships. Women want the freedom to call out abusive behaviour when they see it and to be believed. I think the men we are talking about here, those who say 'feminism has gone too far' are scared little boys who don't know how to be grown up human beings with a moral compass. Of all the attributes you listed, none are masculine or feminine:
Compassion - neither feminine nor masculine, ie. treat people as you would be treated, it's what should drive human behaviour (very old message found in all major religions). People pleasing and hypocrisy are toxic but true empathy can never be.
Strength - neither feminine nor masculine, it encompasses resilience, fortitude, moral courage. It's not about muscles or testosterone levels and is most definitely not the same as anger and aggression.
Competitiveness - neither feminine nor masculine, found in all human beings with drive and confidence.
The problem with politics is not too much 'femininity'. That's bullshit and buying into the old misogynist trope that women can't lead. The politics of cruelty that Trump is imposing on the world is not about strength, it's about brute force, bullying, and it's not the same thing.

StandFirm · 26/08/2025 10:38

OneAmberFinch · 26/08/2025 08:42

Yes. I agree with this.

I think young men find it hard to come up with specific examples because it's become so much the default, that they are worried rejecting them will make them seem uncivilised rather than simply male.

e.g. Are you angry? Go to talk therapy, not an hour in a boxing ring to let off steam

Why would someone immediately jump to the conclusion that the only way to "act more like a man" is to wantonly go around raping everyone in sight unless society has totally lost any kind of positive channel for masculinity?

Show quote history

e.g. Are you angry? Go to talk therapy, not an hour in a boxing ring to let off steam
This will seem nitpicking but seriously, a guy with anger issues needs therapy more than an hour boxing. DH and I spent years training in a martial art and DH would say it does nothing to make people less aggressive. Physical exertion is an outlet, yes, but boxing and martial arts in general train you to fight. Logically, that's not something that's going to make you more placid. If you're angry, go see a therapist - sports is good but it won't address your issues.

OneAmberFinch · 26/08/2025 12:13

Sorry but these responses are just reflecting the issue. The issue that many men have, which they constantly try to explain to us, is that they feel they are operating in a world now built around women.

I am as far from some demure tradwife as you can imagine, I work long hours in a senior role in a male-dominated industry and I have for my whole career. The companies I've worked for have varied a lot in how many women they had and, over the years, how much they explicitly catered for women (or not).

I know how it feels to be in an environment with all men, much more direct, much more of a pattern of open conflict and decisive resolutions rather than consensus, etc. Much more talk about sports and Warhammer. I know how much I need to adjust and the energy it takes, as someone more consensus-driven.

So I can imagine how it might feel to be constantly in the world where all those things are coded as rudeness, against the DEI policy, toxic masculinity, microaggressions etc. Conversations with lots of interrupting and arguing can be really dynamic and engaging - sorry though, you're speaking over women and it's been noted by HR...

I obviously know that not every person follows their sex stereotypes exactly (because I don't!). But there are patterns at group level, and if we can recognise those as negative factors when it's "women in STEM", why can't we do the same in the other direction?

Midnights68 · 26/08/2025 12:38

OneAmberFinch · 26/08/2025 12:13

Sorry but these responses are just reflecting the issue. The issue that many men have, which they constantly try to explain to us, is that they feel they are operating in a world now built around women.

I am as far from some demure tradwife as you can imagine, I work long hours in a senior role in a male-dominated industry and I have for my whole career. The companies I've worked for have varied a lot in how many women they had and, over the years, how much they explicitly catered for women (or not).

I know how it feels to be in an environment with all men, much more direct, much more of a pattern of open conflict and decisive resolutions rather than consensus, etc. Much more talk about sports and Warhammer. I know how much I need to adjust and the energy it takes, as someone more consensus-driven.

So I can imagine how it might feel to be constantly in the world where all those things are coded as rudeness, against the DEI policy, toxic masculinity, microaggressions etc. Conversations with lots of interrupting and arguing can be really dynamic and engaging - sorry though, you're speaking over women and it's been noted by HR...

I obviously know that not every person follows their sex stereotypes exactly (because I don't!). But there are patterns at group level, and if we can recognise those as negative factors when it's "women in STEM", why can't we do the same in the other direction?

Because the world isn’t operating around women - on almost any metric. Girls perform better at school, but that’s about it.

I think that when men complain that they feel that the world is operating around women, they mean ‘the power gap between men and women used to be enormous, and now it’s only moderate, and I don’t like it.’

hamstersarse · 26/08/2025 12:46

StandFirm · 26/08/2025 10:24

What are femininity and masculinity though? You've given a list of arbitrary stereotypes. Jesus preached compassion and founded a major world religion off the back of it. Was that feminine? The fact that you are opposing strength and compassion is concerning. And what does 'untethered' mean? Are you saying that whatever the feminine 'essence' is needs to be controlled or limited (which is what tethered implies)? Men can be men all they like, all we want is for them to respect us, to be grown up and accountable. 5 min on MN will show you that the man-child behaviour is the biggest issue in most problematic relationships. Women want the freedom to call out abusive behaviour when they see it and to be believed. I think the men we are talking about here, those who say 'feminism has gone too far' are scared little boys who don't know how to be grown up human beings with a moral compass. Of all the attributes you listed, none are masculine or feminine:
Compassion - neither feminine nor masculine, ie. treat people as you would be treated, it's what should drive human behaviour (very old message found in all major religions). People pleasing and hypocrisy are toxic but true empathy can never be.
Strength - neither feminine nor masculine, it encompasses resilience, fortitude, moral courage. It's not about muscles or testosterone levels and is most definitely not the same as anger and aggression.
Competitiveness - neither feminine nor masculine, found in all human beings with drive and confidence.
The problem with politics is not too much 'femininity'. That's bullshit and buying into the old misogynist trope that women can't lead. The politics of cruelty that Trump is imposing on the world is not about strength, it's about brute force, bullying, and it's not the same thing.

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I think you know what I mean by femininity and masculinity as being opposing forces in nature, we all do. It isn't male or female, but there are trends. It is not sexist, those old tropes don't really get to the depth of what we are talking about.

I totally agree that Trump is extreme masculinity, and I don't think that is a surprise given what I am saying about femininity being predominant in institutions over the past few decades - it is the rising of masculinity - and it is totally inevitable. You can see it everywhere at the moment, masculinity is rebalancing the femininity of the world, and granted, at first it feels a bit weird. However, I do think things like education, politics and healthcare and pretty much everything have too much femininity - and I think it needs a rebalance. We need more meritocracy, less DEI, we need safe borders, less nurturing of strangers, we need less 'anxiety and depression' and more let's get on with it.

hamstersarse · 26/08/2025 13:22

StandFirm · 26/08/2025 10:38

e.g. Are you angry? Go to talk therapy, not an hour in a boxing ring to let off steam
This will seem nitpicking but seriously, a guy with anger issues needs therapy more than an hour boxing. DH and I spent years training in a martial art and DH would say it does nothing to make people less aggressive. Physical exertion is an outlet, yes, but boxing and martial arts in general train you to fight. Logically, that's not something that's going to make you more placid. If you're angry, go see a therapist - sports is good but it won't address your issues.

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On the flip side to this, I worked for decades in psychology, and abandoned it because it is clear most psychological interventions, as they stand today, do not work

StandFirm · 26/08/2025 13:28

hamstersarse · 26/08/2025 13:22

On the flip side to this, I worked for decades in psychology, and abandoned it because it is clear most psychological interventions, as they stand today, do not work

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Well, I don't want to go into this too much but I agree that mental health provisions for young males specifically are dismal in the UK. I get that there's a lot to do in that area. My son lost his best friend to suicide a few years ago. However, the answer cannot only be go find the nearest punchbag.

StandFirm · 26/08/2025 13:29

hamstersarse · 26/08/2025 13:22

On the flip side to this, I worked for decades in psychology, and abandoned it because it is clear most psychological interventions, as they stand today, do not work

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Deleted as it got posted twice

Nottoosurereally · 26/08/2025 21:04

bigoted: having strong, unreasonable beliefs and disliking other people who have different beliefs or a different way of life

The sheer lack of self awareness of those suggesting op leave her husband... dumbfounding.

GoodPudding · 26/08/2025 21:11

arethereanyleftatall · 24/08/2025 20:52

The tolerant left out in force in the responses as usual.
he’s not doing anything particularly extreme - he likes trump (so did the majority of Americans) and he thinks we need more control over migration. Is that extreme? Is he correct about rape?

Indeed… I may not agree with Trump, but the only “extremists” I see in this thread are those saying LTB because he’s concerned about illegal immigration and happens to like Trump.

It is very extreme to dissolve a marriage with children simply because someone expresses views that the majority of people also happen to.

GoodPudding · 26/08/2025 21:14

Nottoosurereally · 26/08/2025 21:04

bigoted: having strong, unreasonable beliefs and disliking other people who have different beliefs or a different way of life

The sheer lack of self awareness of those suggesting op leave her husband... dumbfounding.

Completely agree… It’s astonishing how bigoted those who purport to be anti-bigot are - they are utterly blind and seem to lack any introspection.

BadgesforBadgers · 26/08/2025 21:17

HelpMeUnderstandPolitics · 24/08/2025 20:41

Whilst I see everyone's point, I don't feel that it's worth throwing my marriage away for. We have children and a otherwise happy home.

Of course it's worth leaving for.

He's a racist and a bigot.

You can give him an ultimatum but I'm sure he will arrogantly brush you off. Just think of the poisonous crap your children are hearing.

You would seriously live with a vile idiot like this, just for a nice house?

SueSuddio · 26/08/2025 21:25

BadgesforBadgers · 26/08/2025 21:17

Of course it's worth leaving for.

He's a racist and a bigot.

You can give him an ultimatum but I'm sure he will arrogantly brush you off. Just think of the poisonous crap your children are hearing.

You would seriously live with a vile idiot like this, just for a nice house?

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So DH's views are shared by most of the mainstream parties - in terms of curbing illegal immigration and Trump, you might hate him but he represents the Republicans - a mainstream party. This is not the National Front or Andrew Tate.

So let's put it the other way, what would you say if someone's husband was planning to leave her and their children because she held different political opinions to him?

It doesn't look good written the other way does it, and that would be double standards.

GoodPudding · 26/08/2025 21:26

BadgesforBadgers · 26/08/2025 21:17

Of course it's worth leaving for.

He's a racist and a bigot.

You can give him an ultimatum but I'm sure he will arrogantly brush you off. Just think of the poisonous crap your children are hearing.

You would seriously live with a vile idiot like this, just for a nice house?

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Seriously… What has he actually said that’s “racist”?

Somerford · 26/08/2025 21:40

I'm really happy that this thread happened. I'm happy that the OP has seen sense, and equally happy that the lefties on here have had a chance to show themselves for what they are. The levels of fanaticism are off the charts. Actively trying to persuade a mother to break up her childrens' home and potentially cause them life-long damage because they're desperate for this man to be punished for his views, which are actually aligned with the majority of the country. They're still at it now, when the OP has made her decision. Its a cult.

crackadawn · 26/08/2025 21:43

I'm really worried about illegal migration too, it is a hot topic.

I thibk a lot of people share these views, I think it's wrong we are housing criminals in hotels. One just got taken over down the road. It's scary

BadgesforBadgers · 26/08/2025 21:44

SueSuddio · 26/08/2025 21:25

So DH's views are shared by most of the mainstream parties - in terms of curbing illegal immigration and Trump, you might hate him but he represents the Republicans - a mainstream party. This is not the National Front or Andrew Tate.

So let's put it the other way, what would you say if someone's husband was planning to leave her and their children because she held different political opinions to him?

It doesn't look good written the other way does it, and that would be double standards.

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Can we stop with this 'it's just a different opinion' nonsense.

We cannot normalise racism and hatred as a 'different opinion'.

There's no comparison between a 'left ' view which is about compassion and understanding, and a 'right' one which is about callousness , greed and selfishness.

It's truly frightening to see so many people shrugging their shoulders and saying this man's racism and hatred is fine.

As for the half defense of Donald Trump..words fail me. He is the very worse of humanity.

Cattenberg · 26/08/2025 21:49

As for the half defense of Donald Trump..words fail me. He is the very worse of humanity.

Yes, the posters who have no issue with the viewpoint that "Trump is great" have indeed shown themselves for what they are. It's heart-breaking that so many of them are women and presumably parents too.