Autistic child shouting/screaming in the garden

[SimplyStarry]

Autistic child is mine! Please can I have some options as I am very on edge. My son is autistic and non-verbal although he does say lots of words. I’ve recently moved house to a nice area, nice house, quiet neighbours. The garden is quite big and any sound tends to echo around. DS is a loud vocal stimmer - if he plays with water outside or spins my rotary line he shouts and does a loud, low AAAAGH! I’m hyper aware of how loud he is.

I’m next door (not joined) to an older couple with an immaculate garden, they do look after their grandchildren but I’m aware of how loud my son is when they are sitting out their garden. Joined onto my house is a family with 3 kids so not too bad.

He only goes out after 10am and I make sure he’s in early. We do go out a lot so he’s not out all the time.

I try and tell him to be a bit quieter and distract him too. I’m concerned that a neighbour might complain. What would you do?

Thank you.

I wholeheartedly agree. There is a word for people who are intolerant towards kids and adults with SEN. Cunts.

You have my sympathies, that sounds mentally exhausting.

Exactly this.

I fucking hate people like this who do the rest of us, parenting our disabled children, a massive disservice.

So, if my kid can't scream and make the rest of you miserable for hours on end, then you're all pricks who hate think disabled children should be locked up.

No dear.

My disabled child is NOT entitled to ruin every neighbour's evening, every day, for hours on end. Just like my other children aren't allowed too.

And yes it's shit when they're even worse behaved inside, but we're the fucking parents, it's our job to listen to the noises or children make!! You don't shrug off "well it's less shouting in my face if I put him in the garden, so fuck the rest of you, enjoy my screaming child"

Having a disability, or being the parent of someone who does, is not an excuse to do what you like at the detrimental expense of others.

Sincerely,

Mum of disabled child who thinks everyone is equally entitled to enjoy their peace in their own home

We have this exact same situation on our street to the extent I wonder if you are our neighbour, although I'm pretty sure the family has lived here a long time.

The first time I heard it, I thought what's that awful noise and felt irritated by it.

Then I asked my DH what it was and he told me it was an SEN child, I happened to walk past the house later that day and saw him playing in the garden. The noise is still a little bit annoying (I'm AuDHD and find certain noises very grating) but I appreciate that there's nothing the family can do and the child has a right to play outside in his own garden.

Why should family A never be able to use their garden because family B uses theirs for the only 4 hours every afternoon at a noise level that prevents family A from being able to be outside.

We’re talking about clapping and shouting, in this case. Stimming.

You’d actively stop your own child’s happiness to improve someone else’s? More fool you.

If someone has an issue with the way a child is happy, that’s on them.

Even if it is shouting, I know in our case the meltdown that would ensue stopping him from playing outside after school, would lead to someone being harmed.

So no, I wouldn’t watch my child punch himself, or either of us, in the face whilst all the other kids are allowed out to eat their dinner in the garden, or play on their trampoline, but he isn’t because it’s not convenient.

What kind of bullshit message is that? Yes kids do play outside after school. But not you, you play wrong.

Wouldn’t dream of it.

No idea, I’m responsible for the children in my garden.

The happiness of the families in gardens A, B or even X isn’t up to me.

I would question (beyond disability and medical reasons) why someone would have an issue with a child playing, but tbh - it’s not really my issue. We’ve got enough issues thanks!

If someone has an issue with the way a child is happy, that’s on them.

Cool. I'll move next door to you. What makes my child happy is smacking a metal bin with a baseball bat for 4 hours every day.

Got an issue? More fool you... How dare you be so prejudiced against my child just making himself happy.

There you go

Your kids do what they like. Fuck the detrimental consequences to everyone else because that's not your responsibility.

As PP says, you're exactly like the mother on her estate.

Go for it. Ours likes slamming bin lids, they could start a band.

There’s actually an autistic lad lives out the back of us. Stimming noise sounds super high pitched, and his favourite thing appears to be banging too.

As if I’d have the audacity to be bothered by that.

He does what he needs, not what he likes. I’d hope you know the difference.

Sometimes we do things specifically to make him happy. Because he’s a child, who finds joy in very few things.

But moreover, he’s a child. Playing in his garden. Someone call the police!

Ah, I see we're pretending it would be the audacity of the person suffering 4 hours every day of someone smashing a metal bin with a baseball bat, and that most people would be perfectly ok with "just a child making themselves happy"

Says enough

No no, I just meant that I’m housing a shouty tornado so wouldn’t have the cheek to be bothered about yours and his bins.

So as long as both our children are ruining our neighbours evenings, every single day, it doesn't matter. Why should they get to sit in their garden peacefully even once a month? The entitlement of some people eh?

We won't complain to each other because it would be "cheeky" given we're both responsible for the hours upon hours of screaming and shouting and clapping and banging.

If any of the neighbours complain about the screaming, they are disablist arseholes who should be fine with someone screaming the other side of their garden fence for hours every single night. Can't they enjoy the beautiful sound of a child just being happy as mine bashes.the metal bins with his bat well in to the second hour? Oh it's joyous to hear. What's their problem with the sound of happy children?

Anyway, not our problem is it. Only need to worry about what suits us. Who cares about the rest of society living in earshot. We certainly shouldn't. More accurately, we've got disabled children therefore we don't have too.

I’m sorry but I’d hate it .I find excess noise really anti social . I’d be devastated if I was the neighbours enjoying my tranquility and this happened . If your neighbours are in their later years and retired there’s no respite from it because they’re at home in the day .

The reality is we all need to be considerate of others. No one has an excuse not to be.

The reality is you are also doing everything you can, id do what pp suggested abd explain the situation, but you both have as much right to enjoy your space as your neighbours.

If it were 6am - 8pm and you didn't give a shit id feel different but its not

Absolutely. We all do.

But that doesnt mean we all get to do what we want when we want and fk everyone else.

Not for one moment saying thats OP, its not, just pointing out that your view is often misunderstood which is why we have so much anti social behaviour abd lack of consideration these days (again l, not op)

But on the flip side of what i just said, this view is also wrong.

You want total peace and quiet? Sell up and live miles away from ajyone

As long as he isn't out too early or late at night, it should be a problem. I'm sure your neighbours will understand.

She didn't say total peace and quiet.

Ok, i concede, but what is op supposed to do about the fact theyre home all day?

OP says her child goes to school so in a few weeks, he'll be at school for most of the day.

Not allow her child to cause them disturbance every day for hours on end?

Everything doesn't have to be at the extreme. It's not he either has to be out there screaming from 6am to 11pm, or locked inside. It's bizarre how avoidant of just simple, obvious, respectful solutions some people are.

It's just being a decent human. If your child makes loud noise that disturbs other people then you don't let them make it all day every day, in the garden, because it's easier for you as a parent. It's not suddenly acceptable because the child doesn't know any better. You do. Or at least you should.

And if that means more of a nuisance for you, so be it, welcome to responsible and accountable parenting.

I really don't think you should have to explain anything to your neighbours. I used to worry about this sort of thing but not any more. People need to be tolerant.

OP you sound like you’re doing fine. Our neighbours have a non-verbal and extremely loud lad who we can hear whether he’s inside or outside. In the holidays it is, unfortunately, often 4-5 hours of yelling at a time. Not overnight but quite early and quite late, and throughout the day.

They came and told us when they moved in which was much appreciated, as otherwise we’d all have been filing reports with social services. The tone of his yelling is like he’s being hurt, and it must be so stressful moving into a new neighbourhood and worrying the police are about to show up at any moment!

Once we knew, obviously it’s not ideal, nobody LOVES listening to someone scream for hours, but his mum’s doing her best and she’s a lot closer to it than us! It definitely changed the way we thought about it, so if your boy is similar I do think a card or similar is a good idea, or just a chat. Hopefully your neighbours get it, and you def sound like you’re being as considerate as you can be, balanced with his needs.