DS went through DH phone. DH blames me

[Evkopk]

My sister’s phone had died and she needed to check her emails so asked to use mine. I was using mine so I unlocked my husband’s phone for her. My DH came downstairs and saw DS scrolling through his photos and ripped the phone from her hand.
He has since refused to talk to me and has deleted and blocked me from his phone, including the family groups.
Ive apologised but he doesn’t want to hear it. I am being unreasonable to think he should get over it? It’s been 2 weeks where he has refused to speak to me, nor can I contact him via his phone.

I have nothing to worry about on my phone but I’d be annoyed at this. Not to the extent your husband has been which is totally weird but you shouldn’t have done it.

Is OP coming back or is this just another interesting first post

He isn’t hiding anything. I know his passcode, so why would he want to hide anything on his phone if I know the passcode?
I want to know if the level of silent treatment is acceptable. I don’t think it is and I just want to tell him to get over it.

Or let the sister borrow a charger to charge her own phone.

You're back! Do you accept that what you did was wrong and what your sister did was completely unacceptable? You said you apologized, but how did you frame it? Your posts don't really admit how wrong you were. Has your sister apologized?

My DH knows my pin but I'd be bloody furious if he let his siblings snoop.through it. What on earth processed you to give it to your sister? You should have given her yours or she had to wait.

Have you sincerly apologised or just said sorry without any insight into what you and your sister did was wrong? From your post, it doesn't seem that you understand why he is so livid. The whole thing is dodgy.
On the other hand, your husband's silent treatment is also not ok. You both need to be mature and have a honest conversation, first by accepting your mistake.

You took the piss, you abused his trust, what do you expect, has your sister apologised, I would block you too, you and your sister can't be trusted, why did you even think it was OK and why didn't you stop your sister scrolling.

The level of silent treatment is utterly ridiculous. Even though you really should not have handed over his phone to your sister.

Are there any other issues in your relationship? This feels pretty extreme. Is he staying g elsewhere, or just ignoring you in the house?

You lent his phone to someone else who, in turn, looked through his photos?

He is not the problem here.

But it still reads like you don’t think you’ve done anything much wrong and the consensus says you have !

He shouldn’t be giving you the silent treatment but if you haven’t properly acknowledged fault then maybe that’s why

Has your sister sincerely apologise for invading his privacy? Did you apologise for giving his phone out?

When it all happened, did you back your husband up and tell your sister she was out of order for going through his things when she was meant to check email and sign off?

Agree. But I would not be ignoring/ blocking my partner for weeks on end. We'd likely have an argument - they would apologise, and that would be done.

No amount of silent treatment is acceptable but you don't seem to realise just how out of order and disrespectful you've been to your husband.

You probably should have used his phone and gave your sister yours at the very least.

So, see the second paragraph, why would anyone ever think it's acceptable.

Telling him to get over it isn't going to the brightest move but the question of where this is all going next is. And perhaps find an apology in there as well.

You’re projecting. Why would I know the password to his phone if he was hiding something?

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

I don't have anything to hide on my phone but I'd be furious if my partner lent it to someone else who then started looking through my photos.

Why are you not acknowledging the invasion of his privacy?
Dh would be annoyed with me if I unlocked his phone for someone else to use and they casually started being nosey. I would too. Although to be fair, I think if I picked his phone up and just started being nosey without "just looking for a photo/number/something on xyz" he'd be a bit put out.
Both dh and I are very open with our phones, locked because we have young childrent that like to touch, we can access everything, but granting that access to a 3rd party without checking is rude.

😂😂

Are you teenagers?

But there is a big, big difference between you - his partner who he loves and trusts - and your sister, looking through his phone, @Evkopk!

You had no right to allow your sister to invade his privacy/use his phone without his permission.

You need to tell him you understand why he is so upset, then apologise properly, and promise that this won’t happen again. If, after that, he carries on with the silent treatment, that is tipping over towards him being unreasonable, but at the moment, he is probably just really upset at what you’ve done, and he has every right to be.

She was looking through his photos, maybe he has nothing to hide from you but things he doesn’t want your sister seeing.

A few weeks ago, a woman posted in a state of deep pain about feeling violated in her own home by her BIL, who wasn’t respecting her wishes that he call before popping in. She was very upset with her husband about it and hadn’t spoken to him all weekend. Posters absolutely ripped her to shreds, saying that “silent treatment is abuse,” that she was an abuser, and falling over themselves in pity for her kids who had to suffer through that. The woman ended up so distraught at the attacks that she begged Mumsnet to remove the post. Why is it suddenly not called abuse to give the silent treatment for two weeks?

I think you were wrong to give out his phone. She was wrong to be in his photos, that wasnt what she asked for it for.

That said, blocking you and not speaking to you for a fortnight is ridiculous. This is either forgivable or it isnt. If it is, he needs to talk about it and let it go and if its not he needs to leave. But he cant punish you forever.

It's not called abusive because we don't know why he is doing it.

It seems very likely, based on her posts on here, that OP has not apologised properly, and he is waiting for her to do it. Silent treatment as a response to being treated badly, is not abusive. If OP has tried sincerely to apologise and to make amends and he was still giving her the silent treatment it would be abuse.

In the example given, having your brother pop round without forewarning you is not bad behaviour. Silent treatment is an unnecessary overreaction.