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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my DD to go to sleepover

151 replies

Contraversialcatergory · 23/08/2025 22:41

I fear this may be me not wanting to let my DD go but she’s been invited to a bday sleepover of one of the few girls in class who I like - the girls are 7 turning 8. It would be her first ever sleepover with friends, having said no thanks to the same girl two years ago when they were turning 6. I like the girl and trust the mum, though the two other girls who are going have both been very nasty in the last year to her. DD desperate to go because it’s quite a ‘grown up’ thing to do. I don’t like the idea of her being upset in the night and she doesn’t know the mum particularly well.

I can’t work out if my concerns are genuine or if I just don’t want my baby to grow up.

AIBU to not let her go?

OP posts:
Campingisnexttogodliness · 23/08/2025 22:42

Personal choice.. My dd's didn't have sleepovers until secondary school..
Ds 10 has never had one. Only at his sibling's home not friends...

Feedthebirdies · 23/08/2025 22:46

She is very young to go to a sleepover.
I wouldn't be happy about it at all.

Cecilly · 23/08/2025 22:47

I wouldn’t either. I feel 7 going on 8 is too young for a sleepover, especially with the risk of two of the girls ganging up on her. It wouldn’t feel right to me.

Thisisnotmyid · 23/08/2025 22:47

Personally no. My kids won’t have sleepovers with anyone outside the family until they are at least 14/15. I definitely wouldn’t be letting them go if there is other girls who are known to be nasty.

IllBeLookingAtTheMoon · 23/08/2025 22:51

I never allow them. Your child is so vulnerable and you don't have a clue who is in that house.

One of my parents allowed me to attend a sleepover, which is where my friend's elder brother deliberately showed me the first hard-core pornography I was ever exposed to, and her dad told us we would get a "knuckle sandwich" if we went in the fridge. Yay.

Sailing8 · 23/08/2025 22:56

A sleepover at age 7 with two bullies?! Not a bloody chance!

5foot5 · 23/08/2025 22:56

Thisisnotmyid · 23/08/2025 22:47

Personally no. My kids won’t have sleepovers with anyone outside the family until they are at least 14/15. I definitely wouldn’t be letting them go if there is other girls who are known to be nasty.

Seriously!!!

I think DD was about 6 when she had her first sleepover. she had her first Brownie weekend away at 7 and by Y4, so about 9, they were doing school residentials.

I mean, everyone knows their own DC best, but it does sound like the OPs DD is keen to try it. OP I think the reservations are all coming from you and 7 turning 8 doesn't sound too young to me.

Gobsmacked at poster who wouldn't want a sleepover until 14/15.

Imbusytodaysorry · 23/08/2025 23:01

@Contraversialcatergory just say “oh we don’t do sleepovers”I will collect her at bed time (that’s if it’s a hang out day before bed ) type of thing.

MatLeave · 23/08/2025 23:03

Why don't you let her go and pick her up about 10pm and she can still enjoy time with her friends

justanotherdrama · 23/08/2025 23:04

A sleepover at 7/8
not a bloody chance

I’d say minimum 11 and at secondary - there is no way I would entertain this at juniors not a chance

I just always said to people - I don’t agree with them they’re too young and I stuck to my guns it’s not necessary at all

Thisisnotmyid · 23/08/2025 23:07

5foot5 · 23/08/2025 22:56

Seriously!!!

I think DD was about 6 when she had her first sleepover. she had her first Brownie weekend away at 7 and by Y4, so about 9, they were doing school residentials.

I mean, everyone knows their own DC best, but it does sound like the OPs DD is keen to try it. OP I think the reservations are all coming from you and 7 turning 8 doesn't sound too young to me.

Gobsmacked at poster who wouldn't want a sleepover until 14/15.

Show quote history

Yes seriously. Between me and DH we have almost 15 years experience of working in child protection and that decision was made before we even had children, sleepovers at families houses only until a certain age. We also don’t have school residentials here in Scotland until secondary which is at least 12/13.

SortYourselfOut · 23/08/2025 23:11

Nope.
Sleepovers are horrible.
Let her go for tea etc and collect her afterwards.
I agree with the others who say that you’ve no idea who else is in the home.

CrochetQueeen · 23/08/2025 23:11

My kids have had sleepovers for 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th birthdays all absolutely fine and lots of fun and memories. I think if you know the families we'll it's not such a worry for me personally. A friend said no to 8th but agreed for 9th, she was worried he'd not sleep and be anxious but he wasn't at all bothered. He's known us since he was 3 years old though. Personal decision but your child might miss out

ScrollingLeaves · 23/08/2025 23:13

Imbusytodaysorry · 23/08/2025 23:01

@Contraversialcatergory just say “oh we don’t do sleepovers”I will collect her at bed time (that’s if it’s a hang out day before bed ) type of thing.

That is a good idea.

StressedOot3 · 23/08/2025 23:16

Thisisnotmyid · 23/08/2025 23:07

Yes seriously. Between me and DH we have almost 15 years experience of working in child protection and that decision was made before we even had children, sleepovers at families houses only until a certain age. We also don’t have school residentials here in Scotland until secondary which is at least 12/13.

Show quote history

Well that's nonsense. All three of my children went on a primary 7 residential. The girls also went away on Brownie residential trips, here in Scotland.

Edited spelling

HappySummerDays · 23/08/2025 23:19

The worst bullying my 8 year old niece ever endured was at a sleepover.

Dweetfidilove · 23/08/2025 23:21

Sleepovers would be a no at thst age. A sleepover with 2 bullies? Hell no!

Pick her up at a reasonable time

5foot5 · 23/08/2025 23:22

Thisisnotmyid · 23/08/2025 23:07

Yes seriously. Between me and DH we have almost 15 years experience of working in child protection and that decision was made before we even had children, sleepovers at families houses only until a certain age. We also don’t have school residentials here in Scotland until secondary which is at least 12/13.

Show quote history

With respect, I wonder whether you and your DHs views might be coloured by you having experience of more "problematic" families through your jobs.

When DD had her first sleepover she was with her best friends family who we had got to know quite well. We trusted them absolutely, if anything they were more protective than us. IIRC we spent the early evening at their house and went home after the girls were settled in bed. Several repetitions after that with no problems. There were other sleepovers in later years at other houses with larger groups but all went well.

I know Mumsnet is often very divided these days on school residentials and I suppose it depends on the individual child. But DD enjoyed all of hers, even at nearly 30 she still has fond memories of her Y6 residential when she was 11.

murasaki · 23/08/2025 23:25

The problem here for me is the bullies, not the sleepover. I had sleepovers at that age, brownie camps, residential school trip at 10 etc. As have my nieces. But 2 bullies in the mix, it'd be a no.

IllBeLookingAtTheMoon · 23/08/2025 23:26

With respect, I wonder whether you and your DHs views might be coloured by you having experience of more "problematic" families through your jobs.

Their views are coloured by reality.

Bushmillsbabe · 23/08/2025 23:46

The 2 bullies would be the issue with me. And also you know your child best. DD1 did her first sleepovers at 6 with Rainbows, DD2 is 6 now and definitely not ready. It's also a bit different when it's at a friend's house rather than organised by a school or guides.
DD1 had her first friends sleepover at 9, at our house and then 1 at a friend's house. Both were absolutely fine. But I knew all the girls going/coming were kind and supportive.

Your best option might be 'really sorry can't make it and give excuse why busy, but would birthday girl like to come to ours for a sleepover following weekend'. Then still gets sleepover experience but without the bullies?

RigIt · 23/08/2025 23:48

Sleepovers are a fantastic and exciting childhood experience. Anyone stopping children having that experience because of their own irrational fears needs to work on themselves before they harm their child’s development. No wonder we are bringing up a generation of children with mental health problems.

OP Your child is definitely old enough to go. The only thing that would give me pause is potential bullying. When you say these girls have been nasty in the last year, is that one-off or repeatedly/consistently? If the former then I would let her go, if the latter then I still probably let her go if she wants to (she shouldn’t miss out and be restricted because of the potential of bullying), but give her a way to leave - eg make sure the mum is ok for her to call you if she needs to leave. I’d also make sure there are no devices in the room at night. Children of this age should not have unfettered/unsupervised access to the internet, especially not in an over excited group.

Lazydaze123 · 23/08/2025 23:51

It’s a very personal choice, go with your gut. I don’t see the need for sleepovers ever to be honest. But everyone is different and we all know what’s best for our own kids. Sometimes they can’t do what everyone else is doing and that’s okay too. I am team no sleepovers.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/08/2025 23:51

Speak to the mam about your worries, or let her go until 10pm.

Thisisnotmyid · 23/08/2025 23:55

StressedOot3 · 23/08/2025 23:16

Well that's nonsense. All three of my children went on a primary 7 residential. The girls also went away on Brownie residential trips, here in Scotland.

Edited spelling

Edited
Show quote history

The primary 7 residentials are 3 - 4 day trips now at my DD’s school and have been since Covid. Council say it’s a cost issue apparently so no it’s not nonsense.