To not want my DD to go to sleepover

[Contraversialcatergory]

I fear this may be me not wanting to let my DD go but she’s been invited to a bday sleepover of one of the few girls in class who I like - the girls are 7 turning 8. It would be her first ever sleepover with friends, having said no thanks to the same girl two years ago when they were turning 6. I like the girl and trust the mum, though the two other girls who are going have both been very nasty in the last year to her. DD desperate to go because it’s quite a ‘grown up’ thing to do. I don’t like the idea of her being upset in the night and she doesn’t know the mum particularly well.

I can’t work out if my concerns are genuine or if I just don’t want my baby to grow up.

AIBU to not let her go?

This post should be repeated on so, so many threads on here!!

i have 3 DD’s, all done sleepovers from different ages depending on them (ie dd1 very confident, dd2 not so).
id only let them go if I knew the family set up and the family and always made it very clear, we ‘d pick up any time (so id not drink).

sleepovers are so special and so much fun, its really sad reading some of these posts.

How old are your children?

Exactly triple. Think the level of distrust is sad. Why not get to know your child’s friends parents? Do you let your children travel in cars? There’s risk in everything worth doing.

No I wouldn’t pack my 7 year old off to a near stranger with some potentially mean girls. But a 9 year old going to her best friends house when we have been close to the family for several years? Absolutely yes.

I wasn’t allowed to attend sleepovers. Had a great childhood, lots of friends, fond memories and have a great social life to this day. I actually have a lot more friends than others who had sleepovers so the “missing out” argument is nonsense.

I wouldn’t allow a sleepover at this age, too young.

Just find that odd sorry. Never come across anyone that doesn’t allow sleepovers in real life - struggle to actually believe it.

My son had a sleepover here at age 7 and he was way too young. Something happened and now we don't have any children over to play for him as he overstepped the boundaries. I would now wait until they are at least 10.

So your objections are one girl was a little nasty at 6yo but has since grown out of it and the other has too much screen time?

Seriously, you sound rather judgemental and snobbish here.

That is separate to whether your DD is ready for a sleepover.

So you would say no if you were me? Vote is almost exactly 50/50 so it is clearly a divisive issue

We don’t allow sleepovers, full stop. Not worth the risk of men we don’t know having access to DD.

I am definitely not snobby and don’t know if I am judgemental but as per my post the girl was more than a ‘little nasty’ school had to intervene at the point she drew blood from my DD by scratching and biting her. I am protective of all 3 of my children but don’t want them to miss out and we are always those people having play dates and big parties. I just get worried about my child being upset in the night and I’m not there.

4 and 8.

I wouldn’t allow it personally, but then I don’t agree with sleepovers at all and I don’t really see the need for them.
I’d agree to pick her up at bedtime if she wanted to go and play with her friends.

Our DC don’t have sleepovers at all - even with family 🤷🏻‍♀️

My parents shipped me off to sleepovers at every given opportunity (I was never allowed friends round for play dates or sleepovers to mine) and I was put in too many uncomfortable situations with friends older siblings & their friends, and some odd family members.

She’s definitely old enough to go and mine did

it comes more down to

do you know the family
whats going on with these ‘bullies’?

If it was mine it would be a definite no.

I was never allowed to go on sleepovers because my parents were super religious and wouldn't let me spend the night under the roof of anyone worldly 🙄
Anyway, I certainly felt I missed out and I bitterly resented it.
Maybe if you clearly explain to your DD, and don't make it sound as though she'll NEVER have one, that would help?

The fears are not irrational.

All sorts of awful things happen at sleepovers. I will not be allowing my daughter to sleepover anywhere until she is a 14/15 based upon my own awful experience.

You judgemental sweeping attitude is not based in reality.

My DC were going on sleepovers with close friends at that age and absolutely loved it, but it is the bullies that would make this a no.
I agree with a pp, maybe arrange something separate for your daughter and the birthday girl?

Many primary schools in Scotland do residentials in Primary 7. Every school I taught in did them as they to help with transition to high school.

Those people saying no sleepovers until 14/15 - that’s the absolute worst age to allow it IMO! At age 8/9 they might watch some tv, play games, eat some sweets. By 14/15 it’s sneaking in alcopops, snogging older siblings and their friends, sexting people as a “joke”/ “dare”. Especially bad if they’ve never done a sleepover before!

Our eldest (both sons) started at 10, the youngest had one at 8, as our childcare plans fell through last minute. I’m much more comfortable when they are a bit older, but feel we’re know the families really well and they are part of a very tight friendship group.

Surely the main way predators access children is on line these days? I would have thought going to a sleepover with a known family that you have made your own assessment about is safer than giving your child a smartphone? Nothing is risk free but I do think there is a tendency towards overprotection in the real world (causing anxiety and stunted development) and under protection on line.

I think its about risk management. Dd wants to go, youve known the mum 2 years.

Id just make sure I had the mums number, explain its her first sleepover and if she needs picking up even at 4am its fine.