To not want to live to an old age

[2sidesofcoins]

Reading the eldery parents board it has filled me with dread for old age. It has so many wealthy elderly people living in misery, too old to enjoy life anymore, no matter how wealthy.
My generation won't see much of retirement as it's pushed up to 70. We have 2 working parents, a lot more stress, enviromental toxins and will see life expectancy reduce very soon.
But the altenative of having my brain die while I am live on is terrifying. I think I'll be refusing antibiotic treatment and going out with the old persons friend Pneumonia!
I'm mid forties and pissed off at all the age related shite already (Reading glasses, stiff joints, looming menopause, inability to lose weight!!)

I agree with this, while people can't help getting cancer or Parkinson's etc , it pays to keep as fit and healthy as possible. We lost my dad at 90 from a brain tumour but up to diagnosis, he was still playing 18 holes of golf a week.
My mum on the other hand refused a hip replacement years ago and is now very immobile due to the pain. She's miserable.

YANBU. Honestly unless you are blessed with exceptional health I don't massively see the point of going on past mid 80s. For most people your world gets smaller and smaller, you can't plan ahead because you don't know if you'll be well enough to do things and so on. My grandfather enjoyed relatively good health and full mental capacity but honestly once he got to about 89 I thought I didn't want him to have to live like he was living much longer because the scope of his life had shrunk so much. He was fortunate to die after a relatively brief illness in his early 90s.

I see all this stuff about diet and routine for longer lifespan, but honestly I'd rather have a regime that allowed me to live in good health until early 80s and then to pop off quickly!

I have joint problems that will only get worse so I know I will not be able to be a super healthy, super active older person.

I always think this when I’m reading the elderly parents threads too x

I think this is a very selfish way to think. Those in good health are privileged so to idly suggest you hope you don’t live to an old age is quite frankly insulting.

I have a life limiting condition. It might be 10 good years or 30- I have no idea. But I do know there is a ticking clock above me. I have two wonderful children who I sincerely hope I’m old enough to see start their own families. I can’t believe any parent would feel differently to be honest.

I agree. One of the reasons I think we should have the ability to call it quits once we’ve had enough. As long as someone has no dependants I think they should have the ability to say when they’ve had enough.

Agreed. I think quality is preferable to quantity. I'm 60 now, so I think it's time for me to kick the bucket sooner rather than later. 70 as the absolute maximum.

I’m sure you’re right, OP but both my parents and my best friend dealt with the utter torment and Hell of terminal cancer diagnoses in their late 50’s. No retirement for them. Best friend’s parents had to bury their beloved daughter. My parents didn’t get to see their grandchildren start school.

All young, healthy, active, non drinkers. Don’t be fooled into thinking you can keep cancer from finding you.

It’s never easy unless like my darling grandmother you fall asleep with your knitting on your lap in your favourite chair one evening and never wake.

What? My sister is 68 and I’m 60. This May we walked 115km of the Camino de Santiago. 70 year olds are often very very healthy. Why do you think you won’t be?

I want to do this! Did you go with an organised tour or independent?

I'm not saying I won't be healthy. .. I haven't seen a doctor for over a decade. But why just go on and on and on? Better to just drop dead whilst still active, than go into a prolonged decline. If I'm not a taxpayer, then I'm not contributing anything, so it's all a bit pointless. We keep people alive for far too long these days, and death isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person.

Half and half! Organised and with luggage portage but independent walking. We used Camino Ways and did the slow walking version. It was amazing.

My DM is in her 80s and, while not running marathons, she enjoys her life of reading, painting, meeting friends for lunch and pottering in her garden. Simple pleasures but very important.

I can assure you that her recent diagnosis of stage 3 cancer is not at all welcome to her and she is not at all ready to shuffle off this mortal coil just yet.

You may well find you feel the same when the time comes.

But ‘sooner rathe4 than later’ at 60? I don’t understand that. Or your belief that after 70 is ‘on and on and on’. You must be fairly dissatisfied with your life now? I’m 60 as I said and hoping for another 20 good years at least!

My dad is 87 and whilst in good health he keeps saying he doesn't want to live another five years. He's lonely and lost my mum many years ago. All he sees ahead of him is decline.
I work visiting a lot of older people and it is depressing although my view is possibly skewed as I am visiting them to do disability benefit forms so they do mostly have some problems. Most have nothing to look forward and are miserable and struggling. I've visited a lot in their mid nineties and many have lost adult kids or kids are abroad and they have little contact with their kids. many have no family at all. They've lost faith in GP's and had horrible experiences in hospital.

I'm 80, a widow, living by myself in a remote rural environment. I have Myalgic Encephalitis, which is tiresome but I work round it, so that I have the required energy to do the things that I enjoy. I read a lot, go and see my beautiful retired Arabian horse at his excellent livery yard, and have interesting conversations with my cat.
When I was working in a professional role, I enjoyed that, but it was, on occasions, very dangerous. The pension that I receive keeps the horse.

My father died when he was 52. My mother at 84. I hope that I can get up to that age or older, as well.

My mum is 75 and has various health issues, she's actually lived longer than anyone might have expected given she has a chronic condition that can be life limiting.

She had a minor stroke last year which meant increased risk of a more severe one in the 48 hours afterwards and her attitude at the time was that she totally prepared for the end if it came, because she is in pain every day anyhow. And she is very stoic so to be admitting she is in pain means it must be pretty dreadful.

I love her dearly but the fact is I know she is ready to go when it comes now, and there's a sort of comfort in that. I suppose she has always known she wasn't going to live to see grandkids get married or to be a great grandmother.

So Fing miserable. What is wrong with some of you.
I'm convinced that British people have some kind of shame about being happy. They actively look for reasons to be unhappy, angry, sad, because it would be shameful to find / have happiness when there is so much wrong with the world. Seems like that is the mindset.

Just get over it. Your pessimism and misery won't fix anything that is bad in the world.
Every day has opportunities. Any day you can do most or even all the things you want to do, even though some are challenging to achieve, is a good day. Most of us can do something every day to brighten someone else's day and give ourselves purpose and be appreciated.

Friend (age 57) has NF2, symptomatic since age 29, which means every day is a total challenge. Legally blind, stone deaf, poor mobility, can't speak clearly or even smile, bad dexterity, constant medical things. She's a survivor after a deprived childhood & youth. No way is the NF2 taking her down a day earlier than it has to. She's always looking for creative outlets and keeping her relationships going as best she can. Pfffft.

This thread is good for me. The negativity has reminded me how much I don't want to ever give into self-pity.

Not really as I was refering to the elderly parents posts. And all the adult children of elderly parents burdened with looking after them. So yes, I don;t want to live long enough to become a burden to my kids.

I have a very happy life, thank.you. But that is entirely the point - I want to die whilst I'm still active, with all my marbles and enjoying myself. Why wait until I'm on a downward slope?

You quote someones elses suffering. How do you know that persons inner thoughts. What challenges do you face?

They used to be happier. They no longer are. They are miserable, partly as a result of age and infirmity.

You sound like you have lived a very privledged life.

You can do a “living will” or “advance decision to refuse treatment” which is exactly what you describe.

I’m with you op. Nursed my df, and watched him die horribly in hospital. Can’t really talk to anyone about it because it’s just too upsetting, and people don’t need to hear the details. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for not being able to protect him better.

I’m not convinced euthanasia is the answer either, having put a pet down. The vet said she’d never seen an animal react like that, but a quick google suggests that lots do, and that all the vets said something similar.

Had a short hospital stay myself, that was really hard going as an autistic person and it has prompted me to put some careful thought in to my future. Happy to hang in there as long as I’m healthy, fit and independent. But I’m not anticipating a protracted old age.

My dad had bowel cancer at 39, in 1970. There was no chemo then. He's 92 now, lives on his own, and has a busy social life. He was made redundant at 59, never worked again, and has had over 30 years of retirement, doing pretty much what he wanted.

I hope I've inherited his genes ( apart from the early onset bowel cancer one, obviously, but that's what the 3 yearly routine colonoscopies are for).

The reason I think he's been able to live to a fairly healthy old age, is keeping physically active, so with that in mind, I try to walk everywhere.

The rest is down to luck I think.