To not want to live to an old age

[2sidesofcoins]

Reading the eldery parents board it has filled me with dread for old age. It has so many wealthy elderly people living in misery, too old to enjoy life anymore, no matter how wealthy.
My generation won't see much of retirement as it's pushed up to 70. We have 2 working parents, a lot more stress, enviromental toxins and will see life expectancy reduce very soon.
But the altenative of having my brain die while I am live on is terrifying. I think I'll be refusing antibiotic treatment and going out with the old persons friend Pneumonia!
I'm mid forties and pissed off at all the age related shite already (Reading glasses, stiff joints, looming menopause, inability to lose weight!!)

I don't think they were being horrible. With respect OP, you sound depressed and this line of thinking reflects that. I hope you can find a way out.

Yes im with you op. im late 40s and im absolutely dreading getting old. i have a parent in their 70s with dementia and it is awful to see the decline, bloody scary tbh.
I suppose everyone ages differently though and I know people in their early 80s that are still very active in body and mind.
My own family though age terribly and have a huge amount of ailments that go along with ageing.

Thank you

I was suggesting the op keep off elderly parents board as clearly feeling down about a lot in life

I’m 49 and was diagnosed with metastatic cancer in September, 2023. I’m very sad this happened to me so young.

Two working parents has been the norm in most families in the UK throughout history.

It's only on MN that the majority of "boomers" bought a 4 bedroomed detached on the husband's teaching salary whilst the wife never worked. Then they retired at 50 and lived a life of luxury on his gold plated pensions.

It's hard to watch a parent be ill, OP, but it's part of the circle of life. You're relatively young, improve your diet, do some exercise, get some fresh air and enjoy your kids.

The thing about almost all the boards on MN is that ppl mostly post when they are looking for support or sharing experiences to support others. So it can all seem very negative.

On the other hand, when I read Elderly Parents threads, it’s to try to avoid problematic situations that I might unwittingly create as I get older.

I certainly want to do all I can to exercise and eat healthily. And I also want to be allowed to go quickly if I’m beyond all hope. I’m 70, creaking with arthritis, but with no intention of giving up hope.

When my mum was in a nursing home for the last 18 months of her life, I was bloody jealous! Meals handed to you, room cleaned for you, all day to watch TV and read, hairdresser in once a week, twice daily visitors (though I'd be happy enough with one visit every other day), out on a Sunday for dinner, all the good drugs ... Sounds like bloody heaven to me. She even had a mini fridge with wine in it FFS!

Interesting, was there a link between having had the Spanish flu and then the development of parkinsons in later life?

Please tell me the name of this nursing home! 😁

Not dreading getting old over here. I'm 66 in reasonable health. My mom is 84 and in good health, she just had a knee replacement and is getting around better, she still lives at home with my SDad. My Aunty just passed this year at 102, still of sound mind and living at home (along with a helper)
We have longevity genes in our family.

I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on 10 July OP. I very much do want to live to old age but last week was researching where I am going to be buried. I haven't told all my family yet as I don't know how and don't want to upset them.

I'm going to hide this thread now.

Maybe it was the norm then, but life has speeded up and expectations have changed, increasing stress and pressure on families. Kids don't get turfed out to "play" all day. We have to manage screen time, social media, and far higher expectations of providing for our children well into their twenties. They don't start work at 15 and contribute to the pot!

These stories of miserable people in their 70s and 80s don't bear relation to my own experiences. I have just seen my own 88 year old mother, who walked the mile from my house to hers. My son and DiL had come over and we all had a lovely afternoon. My dear dad died a few years ago and my mum was absolutely devastated after over 60 years of marriage and of course misses him dreadfully. But she has chosen to keep busy and active, has several close friends who she's known for over 50 years and lots of other friends, as well as her children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren.

She goes to book groups, WI, gardening club, foreign language conversation groups and walks 2 miles every day. She still lives in the large 5 bed family home and looks after it all herself including all the large garden. She still drives although wouldn't drive on a long journey where she wasn't familiar with the place. She cooks proper meals for herself, loves to entertain and often has friends and family round for lunch or dinner. Her mind is active, she does the cryptic crossword every day.
She believes that staying in her own home, having the responsibility of running it and keeping active and busy keeps her going. She has had heart issues, but was treated and is fine. Her friends of a similar age, many of whom are widowed, are similar. One recently went on holiday abroad, alone for the first time, and had a great time.

So old age certainly doesn't have to be all doom and gloom.

Well done

I’m 60. I’ve been a lone parent for decades.
I go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week, doing heavy weights and HIIT, as well as some boxing. I eat healthily. I’m doing this so that when I’m old(er) I’ll have the strength to get in and out of a chair and bed and to lift things from high shelves and so on. As well as because I bloody enjoy it and feel much better for it.

Sorry to hear about parent’s illness but you’re focusing only on the negative side of getting old. I prefer to look at the Chairman of my local breed specific dog walking club. He and his wife are in their very late 80s, they still hold an annual BBQ for us all at their house and are out walking with their dogs all the time. They organise all our monthly walks. Plus he’s also on the local Tennis Club committee. They are living life to the full. Now I know they might be lucky with genes etc, but I prefer to look at them and say that’s what I’m aiming at. Yes something may happen to stop me, so I just try to make the most of life even when it’s not always straightforward. None of us are going to live forever, but mindset can be a big factor on how we age and our health. Plus some people sadly never get the chance to get old.

MiL was lovely but always had complex health needs. It just seems to have ramped up a bit with age and she’s got obsessive about various things. She was always the one needing care, but as her husband has become frailer she’s getting bored. She’s very angry that he isn’t very exciting, won’t (can’t) take her anywhere, dozes on the sofa.

DM is more complicated. She’s in better health than she’s been for years in many ways, though with failing joints, but her cognitive capacity is diminishing. Everything is stressful.

Both are angry we won’t take them on holiday.

DM was always a difficult character. Now she’s difficult and frail and needing suooort.
MiL was a sweet woman but very querulous and demanding with age.

FiL is a delight bless him, as was my dad when he was alive.

So maybe DH can age to his heart’s content and I’ll make other arrangements 😅

I'm really sorry to hear this. I apologise for my post being seemingly insensitive. Please reach out to your family , I'm sure they would want to offer you love and support.

So age hasn’t had much to do with your DM being a very difficult woman and your MIL being very focussed on her health issues

I'm sorry to hear this.

The state of the NHS will be having an effect on life expectancy. When it takes a month or more to get a GP appointment, and then many, many more months to see a specialist and have tests, let alone start treatment. There are terrible delays in Scotland in particular, including for cancer. I feel that just living in the UK is a death sentence for some.
I have every confidence that the new legislation on assisted dying will be used to reduce the NHS bill.

No OP life absolutely doesn't have more stresses, just different ones. I never had to dread the passing of time as my DS approaches 18 and will be sent off to war. He will never work 14 hour days and 6 day weeks doing hard labour. I never had to choose a husband based on his prospects because I had no agency. I never worried about having 12 children because there was no contraceptive. I never had to get up at 5am to light the fire so my children didn't get dressed in sub zero temperatures. All my children survived and I didn't worry about dying during childbirth. I could give a million other examples. Life is so so much better than it was for most. The problem is our generation has a new set of stresses that we do not know how to handle.

Superb post

You just backed up my Post. New Stressors we don't know how to handle, a fractured society , no precendance to guide us.

And all of which you are refering to are the silent generation experiences and I doubt yours.