To not want to live to an old age

[2sidesofcoins]

Reading the eldery parents board it has filled me with dread for old age. It has so many wealthy elderly people living in misery, too old to enjoy life anymore, no matter how wealthy.
My generation won't see much of retirement as it's pushed up to 70. We have 2 working parents, a lot more stress, enviromental toxins and will see life expectancy reduce very soon.
But the altenative of having my brain die while I am live on is terrifying. I think I'll be refusing antibiotic treatment and going out with the old persons friend Pneumonia!
I'm mid forties and pissed off at all the age related shite already (Reading glasses, stiff joints, looming menopause, inability to lose weight!!)

My mum is 88.

In the last 8 years she has seen 2 grandchildren marry, been to graduation ceremonies of 6 others, has a close and loving relationship with her 12 year old greargrandchild who she sees twice a week( who now will always have wonderful memories of her). She has had 8 more fabulous Christmases with all her children, grandchildren and greatgrandchild, had holidays and trips with children and grandchildren, visited places and countries she's never been to before.

She would have missed out on all that had she died at 80 and her family's lives would have been the worse for it.

I thought you can get an advanced directive to refuse antibitoics?

You can, @2sidesofcoins; I've got one myself: https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/end-of-life-care/planning-ahead/advance-decision-to-refuse-treatment/

Rightly or wrongly though it's the sort of thing some mean to do but somehow never quite get round to, so come the day you get the all too common arguments about "Is this the right thing for them?" / "No, you're just trying to kill them off"

If I have capacity, I’ll be taking myself off to Dignitas when I’ve had enough.

I couldn't agree more! You will feel differently at 60!

Dont stress about old age, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

I remember overhearing a conversation about this once. The response was a cheery, "Well, there's always Dignitas!"

If we can euthanise animals when their lives become unbearably difficult due to old age, cognitive decline or other serious health conditions, and it's seen as a kindness, I've never understood why we can't do it with consenting humans (e.g. a sort of pre-death will in which consent for euthanasia is given in certain circumstances). I wouldn't want to be sat suffering in God's waiting room for years on end and putting pressure on my family to care for me (I've been in that situation and it isn't pleasant, even if you do love the family member in question).

Do you have a source for that or is it just a random anxiety-induced assumption? Because I’m pretty sure your premise is false. By all objective measures the air in the UK is significantly cleaner now than it was 100 years ago (though still far from clean). Our generation did not invent dual working parent families and we certainly didn’t invent stress.

Obviously nobody relishes the idea of living for years with illness and pain and poor quality of life. But everyone’s circumstances are different and none of us know what the future holds. For now it sounds like you are drawing conclusions based on your emotional state rather than objective reality.

You just come across as very unhappy about parenting, work, weight and life generally.

I was just saying… maybe avoid the elderly parents forum 🤷‍♀️

70 seems a very early last possible date to be enjoying yourself. I can’t imagine being ready to die then. I’m just wondering why you do.

I’m 60. I take 3. Thyroxine, progesterone and oestrogen. None suggest a failing body just yet. Not all medications do.

Buy a fast and powerful motorbike at about 57 or 58. Then you'll likely not live to a ripe old age, and you'll have the most fun you can have (with your clothes on.)

My grandma was still very active in her 90s. I have lost most of the quality of life I had (long covid), but live for the days I’m able to do something. I’m working towards acceptance, but have disassociated a bit because it’s hard to face just how limited life is now. It’s like aging forty years. I still mostly want to live, not least for my children who are still very young. As my ability has worsened over time, I want to appreciate the “now” when I can. Every infection brought home from school since destroys a bit more of my quality of life to varying degrees, so the “now” is important. If someone had shown me several years ago what I can do now, I’d have wanted to jump off a cliff, but you find reasons to live.

In Scotland the average healthy female life expectancy is 60. The asversge life expectancy for a woman is 80.8 years. Obviously some people buck the trend but on average people have long period of poor health at the end of their lives. Partly this is to do with money, traditionally people with professional roles live longer,by about 8 years, and are healthier than their unskilled manual labour counterparts. I suspect if everyone you know is going well at 70 then you are possibly a bit better off. Certainly in some rough spots you’d probably be doing well to get to pension age. I do think raising the pension age disproportionately affects poorer workers,

And you'll be a superb organ donor helping several other people live longer lives 😁.

I’ve said it before on here, but one thing you can do is to dd a paragraph to your health and welfare power of attorney, to say in which circs. you absolutely do NOT want any ‘striving to keep alive’, I.e. any life-saving or life-prolonging treatment.

A DNR covers only resus after the heart as stopped, so much more is needed, if you don’t want to end up with e.g. dementia, and be kept going with medication and drips - just because it’s now possible to do so.

I definitely do not
Grandmother diagnosed with dementia and spent 5 years in a care home before dying
Mother diagnosed with dementia and currently 84, she said she had a living will but didnt. Always said to smother her if she got like her mother

I have pack made up in all of my homes with enough in each to kill me with instructions as to how to do it. Very simple and listing how do to it if I get a dementia diagnosis (I am 60)

On 75th birthday if no dementia diagnosis I shall give away all of my assets.

That seems awfully low, even allowing for the effects of poverty. Averages aren't much help with age though, being skewed by a whole load of factors.
I’d also wonder what ‘healthy’ meant. Without any need for drugs, I can believe it. Unhealthy meaning unable to enjoy life, less so.

I was thinking this today oddly enough. I want to live as long as live is worth living.

I know people will have their own definitions of what that means. But for me, I want to be able to look after myself well enough, still make and drink a cup of tea. Know who I am, know who my children and family are.

I never want to live to a point where someone is feeding me because im incapable, or dont recognise my spouse of children.

I want quality not quantity.

Once you have seen elderly parents go through the process of ill health and slow death it does make the prospect of old age sharper.
My mother was as fit as a flea and very active until 80 then a dreadful, miserable two years of illness until she died. She had me at 22 so that's not so far ahead for me.
So many smug comments from posters about keeping slim and fit. Those things don't stop you getting cancer or autoimmune disease which I developed after 60 despite being slim and fit.

I think that you should all go and spend 3 hours in a dementia care home
Something I do each week (its an amazing home- we visited many)
You will not want to stay alive with dementia

My cat had dementia- I had her put to sleep
My dog had advanced cancer- I had him put to sleep

My mother has no quality of life - doubly incontinent , non verbal, has no idea who anyone is and more importantly did not want to live like this - I pay £1650 a week to keep her housed in a safe space.

We value the quality of life of human below pets in the UK.

Healthy life expectancy is in part self assessed through ONS surveys like the labour force survey. How would you say your health is in general very good, good, fair, poor, very poor. Do you any physical or mental health conditions lasting or expected to last 12 months or more, if so do these effect your ability to carry out every day activities type questions.

Poverty has a massive effect though. In greater Govan in Glasgow life expectancy was under 65 in 2021 it was 83 a few miles up the road somewhere a bit nice. I suppose my point is if you’re from somewhere a bit nice then perhaps your average 70 yo is still fit and well. If you’re from somewhere deprived probably not. It does influence your opinion on what your future will look like, Possibly it’s a bit self fulfilling as if you expect to die younger you have less incentive to prepare for the future. I know someone who opted out of a generous public sector pension as a 29 year old. Honestly he was gutted to get to retirement age, felt like he’d gambled and lost. Still working as a bin lorry driver at 71 as he can’t afford to retire.

I know it's easier said than done. Don't try to look into the future. Enjoy your life and everything you have and all the people you have around you.

I disagree entirely.

Prepare for old age so that you are as fit as possible and as able as possible to enjoy it.

Looking after my very elderly parents is breaking me, just as my youngest is becoming independent. Instead of discovering being a couple again, dh and I are now transferring our caring responsibilities from our dc to our parents. No resentment at this. We love and care for our parents. But it's draining.

I agree with the poster who Asias that Covid will have a knock-on effect on people's old age. I can feel it in myself - I feel that Covid aged me very rapidly.

I see the difference between my parents: one mentally and physically prepared for old age, the other never wanted to address it. Wanted to pretend it would never happen, live in the moment because the future (ild age and death) was too scary to contemplate.

I don't mind being a caring burden on my children, as long as I can be happy, engaged, and give them a sense that their care is rewarded by me enjoying life and being able to contribute to their happiness. I do not want to be the person whose life is constantly fought for, without her having any happiness or understanding.

People often comment on an elderly person's quality of life in little glimpses. Like saying - 'she was at a wedding 2 months ago, she saw her great grandchildren born ' etc. Of course they are joyous moments, but if someone is living in pain and discomfort 24/7 I don't think a family occasion once or twice a year is a fair trade off. It certainly doesn't make the point that their life is worth living.