Tradesman calling me 'mate'

[Pluvia]

I've been trying for the last few weeks to find someone to do garden clearance and some landscaping for me. Know it's a busy time of year for this trade but am happy to wait for the work to be done in October, if necessary.

In the past fortnight I've contacted seven different firms/ individuals. Called all of them, only one answered and wasn't interested. Followed all up with texts/ messages, left it a few days and tried again. I am polite and friendly.

Only one has contacted me and he's called me 'mate' throughout our conversations and messages, despite knowing my name. I am very clearly female. Doesn't seem to want me to know his name, which is a red flag, so I won't be using him. BUT is it usual these days, when tradespeople are communicating with a female client whose name they know, to call them mate? It feels really disrespectful. In the days, some years ago, when I worked for a big construction firm it wouldn't have been considered acceptable.

Did you tell him that? He's not a mind reader, hes a stranger, he cant know or care about your preferences 🤣

What a sad outlook you have of people.

I work in construction and I can just imagine the reaction if OP told him off and told him call her by his name 🙈 although the only part she might pick up on is being dumped and potentially having the word spread locally to other traders what a swear word she is.

Do wish him to use DeBretts for nomenclature?
Mate is a neutral term

You would hate me i call everyone mate im shit with remembering names so its easier

I think a lot of people use these words without even thinking, they're on autopilot.
I've been called "Lady" by a couple of workmen. A lad in Morrisons called me "babe" the other week. I looked askance at him and he blushed hard and said "sorry, that just popped out". I 😅 🤣 laughed. I'm 60. Poor lad.

It's because of the tone of your posts which makes many posters discount what you're actually saying

Only on mumsnet!

I have lived in different countries and now in the UK. I move in a variety of circles and mix with different generations, I have never heard of or witnessed a lady/female being called 'mate'. And I am not old.

I wouldn't hire him.
If anyone called me mate (in this context), I would correct them. Definitely, not my kind of interaction or person. Not for me.

My window cleaner calls me mate. I call him by his name, but he probably has hundreds of customers and I only have one window cleaner.

Sympathies trying to get hold of a trade though OP, I want to get my house painted before the autumn, but think I might have to wait until Spring until I find someone!

I work with a woman who calls everyone mate, male and female and young and old, she’s a Sarf Londoner. It’s a pretty universal term

I pray I never become so unhappy in my life that I turn into some old misery guts.

Mate is widely considered a gender neutral term

But obviously in too lower class for the likes of you

Mate wouldn't bother me at all. It's gender neutral and far better than sweetheart, darling etc which I would immediately correct.

If you don't know his name, then he doesn't get your business. Any tradesman should be transparent. Ask for insurance documents and look his business up on the .gov website.

I’d prefer mate to love or darling. I definitely wouldn’t be bothered about being called mate, as long as he could show he’s good at what I need him to do. I would however be put off by him not telling you his name even when you’ve specifically asked for it. That is a bit weird. Most normal people would say oh yeh sorry my names X

He is probably in contact with tons of people and calling them all mate is just a lot easier. It's a friendly, inoffensive term and I have no idea what your issue is.

I'd find this neutral and wouldn't be bothered by it

What .gov website has all tradespeople on?!

Omg your special sent you?

find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/

I'm in my 50s and call men and women 'mate' - and have been called it myself frequently.

OP is batshit. He's a gardener, not her date to a debutante ball. There's no power play, it's just casual vernacular.

(The bit about avoiding giving his name is weird, though)

I don't know about class.
But it's not for me. Same for multitude of others too.

And it seems multitude of others that it is okay for them.

Wonder at your response. Seem to be taking it personally.

Don't know if you'd prefer hiring female tradespeople. If so, this is a good source: https://www.taskher.co.uk

Uh OK?

I’m from Lincolnshire, where it’s very common for people to refer to one another as “mate” (or “duck”). It’s gender neutral and it’s not meant offensively.

I don’t use it because I moved away, but my brother, parents and grandparents all do. I find it a bit funny, but that’s just because I’m not used to it and it stands out to my ears.

If “pet” is OK, then I think you are being unreasonable and/or a snob to take umbrage against “mate”.