Tradesman calling me 'mate'

[Pluvia]

I've been trying for the last few weeks to find someone to do garden clearance and some landscaping for me. Know it's a busy time of year for this trade but am happy to wait for the work to be done in October, if necessary.

In the past fortnight I've contacted seven different firms/ individuals. Called all of them, only one answered and wasn't interested. Followed all up with texts/ messages, left it a few days and tried again. I am polite and friendly.

Only one has contacted me and he's called me 'mate' throughout our conversations and messages, despite knowing my name. I am very clearly female. Doesn't seem to want me to know his name, which is a red flag, so I won't be using him. BUT is it usual these days, when tradespeople are communicating with a female client whose name they know, to call them mate? It feels really disrespectful. In the days, some years ago, when I worked for a big construction firm it wouldn't have been considered acceptable.

You’d hate where I am in Latin America too haha. Everyone is ‘chicos’ or ‘amigos’ - luckily I’m a ‘love’ person so it feels natural.

Wouldn't mind being called Treacle! I really don't like the implication that we are mates. We're not. I'm employing him to fulfil a contract between us. It's about professionalism. I don't see why I should expect less from a garden landscaper or a plumber than I would a solicitor. I respect them all as skilled professionals. I'd like to feel a little respect in return. I don't want us to be friends. I want us to be adults involved in a business transaction.

How old are you? How have you lived your life not noticing these differences. Why would I need to explain this to you. Then again I've remembered some of your previous responses where you havent understood the basics.

Do you have anyone near you that can help you out with how to go about finding a trustworthy tradesman? Someone to give you recommendations?

Im over 60 and expect to addressed as 'your majesty' at the very least 🙄

Gawd. Colloquial vs formal.
If you are still outraged, I can put you in touch with a garden designer who is also an aristocrat, and she’d certainly address you as Pluvia. Unlikely you’d ever get a ‘Mrs Married Name’ though, so think carefully, in case that’s a tender point too.

(I think you are being deliberately obtuse now though, and obtained your money’s worth a good hour ago! Most interesting thread, I must say. A real eye-opener)

I’m starting to think the OP fancies the fit tradie and is annoyed he didn’t want to jump in her pants by calling her ‘love’ 😂

Lots of different professions use different tones

Shop workers, bar tenders, tradesmen, bus drivers etc... I wouldn't be surprised to hear call someone mate

Mate isn't being used in the sense here as "we are friends" but as a colloquial term between people

HTH

You sound very snobbish, he is different from you that's all. Honestly are you looking for something to be offended by.

Isn't treacle a bit thick? 😀

‘Mate’ isn’t to be taken literally! He’s not suggesting you are a mate of his; not at all.
It’s a bit of non-specific conversational punctuation (wrong word, but the one I actually want just fell out of my ear) which simply reinforces the fact that you are being spoken to as a fellow human.

All these ifs and buts over ‘mate’, when you are fortunate to be unaware of all those who go about affectionately addressing their closest friends as ‘you cunt’!
I recommend a short course in colloquial (male) speech, through immersion in the work of Martin Amis, the best ear for such dialogue there ever was.
Dive into London Fields, and you’ll soon be an adept.

I think the use of the word mate is very dependent on context and delivery. It can be very negative, or it can be a friendly and informal way to talk to someone. I don’t mind people using it, tradesmen or pretty much anyone else, in the right context and with the right delivery, and am happy to reciprocate.

I understand the accusation that “mate” is unprofessional, but I disagree. I think that’s pushing norms from the sorts of jobs that the term “profession” originally came from onto a very different working environment. Trades are generally less formal, it’s different norms and that’s not wrong. Tradesmen don’t give you the sort of advice that needs the “professional detachment” that a doctor or lawyer does. So I don’t think polite use of mate is a problem from a tradesman, nor many other people in working roles.

However, I would be bothered by someone who never used my name when we were setting up a business arrangement. I can see why it would grate in that situation and it would probably put me off too (though not nearly as much as the refusal to give his own name). I agree that it seems lazy and would make me wonder if he had a concern for the details of the project and my specific requests, etc.

🤣🤣🤣

Bloody hell OP you have done serious issues!

He does not see you as his mate at all.

I’m guessing you don’t have any real friends, else you’d know the difference.

Quite. Once I turned 65 I gave up my attachment to casual endearments like ‘petal’, ‘heartface’, or this much-debated ‘mate’, and now insist upon ‘Your Grace’, as befits an archbishop, after all.

Fucking hell. Get a grip. I'd rather not take your couple of grands if I were him rather than having a difficult customer like you.

Good luck…..

As I said previously use one if the other 7 you’ve tried!

I'm not a difficult customer at all. I'm clear about what I want (and what I want is never impossible), I make it as easy as possible for tradespeople to work quickly and efficiently. I'm always polite, communicate quickly and efficiently and, knowing what I know about the industry, I'm flexible. I've worked in construction, I understand that things overrun and how badly weather and supply lines can affect schedules. I'm a really realistic client. But if I'm doing business with someone, the very least I want to know is the name of the person I'm contracting with. And after several calls and texts, I'd like them to use my name too, and not be a generic 'mate.'

But don’t like being called mate….

So say something! 'Oh, please, call me Brenda. I'm not keen on being called Mate. Thanks.'

I bet you're one of those who thinks they're being super helpful with their "industry knowledge" but really comes across as patronising and interfering...

Meh. Lots of them do it. It’s not like he called you chick, love, sweetheart, etc. he’s probably do it with a bloke too so not a red flag. If he answers and knows what he’s talking about, that’s what matters rather than his eloquence in speech!

Exactly.

..and a friendly term too. But people are so desperate to be offended now.

Yes I'm sorry to hear he's unwilling to give you his name
Seems weird to me & I'd most surely just ask him directly, "'So what is your name btw?"' if he then informs you, he won't tell you his name 🙏
Then you will know for sure, he's hiding something
Personally I don't like being called mate either
I think it's much too casual & pretty disrespectful when he doesn't actually know you
God Bless You&Yours