Tradesman calling me 'mate'

[Pluvia]

I've been trying for the last few weeks to find someone to do garden clearance and some landscaping for me. Know it's a busy time of year for this trade but am happy to wait for the work to be done in October, if necessary.

In the past fortnight I've contacted seven different firms/ individuals. Called all of them, only one answered and wasn't interested. Followed all up with texts/ messages, left it a few days and tried again. I am polite and friendly.

Only one has contacted me and he's called me 'mate' throughout our conversations and messages, despite knowing my name. I am very clearly female. Doesn't seem to want me to know his name, which is a red flag, so I won't be using him. BUT is it usual these days, when tradespeople are communicating with a female client whose name they know, to call them mate? It feels really disrespectful. In the days, some years ago, when I worked for a big construction firm it wouldn't have been considered acceptable.

My pal from sarf London calls everyone mate and she's always done this. We’re in our 50’s. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was ready to say YANBU, because you are entitled to not like being called 'mate.' In my experience, men call a woman 'mate' to make sure she knows he is not romantically interested in her. Usually when he is in a happy marriage, and doesn't want any woman 'getting the wrong idea.' (Yes, some women do, if a man is friendly and jovial.) But not all men who call women 'mate' will be doing it for this reason of course. Some just use the word as a casual way to address someone, (men or women) as it's a friendly way to address someone.

However @Pluvia you saying that he won't get the job now for calling you 'mate' is inexplicably petty and rather mean spirited. Sounds like he dodged a bullet not getting the job to be honest, as I can imagine you would be very picky and persnickety.

So yeah YABVU. And ridiculous! Also ludicrous to make out most posters are 'wrong' and 'don't get it' because most people think YABU! I don't normally like this saying, and I very rarely say it, but you sound like hard work!

Interesting that you made sure you didn't post a poll!

What the fucks it got to do with you mate?

You're not my mate, but you demonstrate how mate can be used negatively.

I'm (much) older than 60 and being called 'Mate' wouldn't bother me at all.

I use mate, as do alot of people from my area. Think it's ridiculous you'd not use him for that when no one else is interested in the job.

That's awful, Hun.
Sending hugs.

Ha ha, my DH does this. He calls everyone ‘Mate’ including females and children.

Where is mate gendered?

I talk about mates of mine.

Where I live everyone is ‘duck’. In some places ‘hen’.

You are coming across as very precious tbh. Chill!

What’s the problem? It’s a friendly, neutral term and not remotely offensive. It’s got nothing to do with age or whether someone’s male or female.

I’m a woman and I call people ‘mate’ all the time. I also get called ‘mate’ sometimes and I like it. It’s pretty standard where I come from if you want to indicate that you’re being friendly to someone.

It's considered the "safe" alternative now because using things like love, pet, duck (even as a regional thing) will get you called sexist

Seems to be a case of making a mountain out of a molehill.

I agree that him not wanting you to know his name is definitely off-putting.
I don't think the mate-calling would bother me really. Mind you, DH and I were both called cocker by a man doing some work for us recently, but we're in Lancashire so not unusual here! Mate sounds tame in comparison!

I think I could live with mate, it could be worse he could have called you Hun😱

I think mate is OK

I objected to being called “my luvver” in a Bristolian accent, or really anything in that accent.

Londoner here. You must have been living under a rock if you think ‘mate’ is only used for men. It’s neutral. My cockney grandmother (born in 1910!) used to call women ‘mate’ all the time.

Me too, and I’d welcome ‘mate’ very gladly but my god, someone I scarcely know making free with my first name would have my back up all the time.
This really has to be my advanced age I guess, but that seems creepily over-familiar, and in my own home/garden with such a bloke I’d feel invaded and even vaguely threatened. Certainly sort of backed into a corner.
It’s the assumption of familiarity and of matiness, ironically, which would make me bristle with anticipatory affront. Stupid waste of energy, but there it is.
Please, strange men, just call me ‘mate’ or ‘my duck’ etc, and we’ll all be grand.

Im guessing you dont work in the police?

Surely "mate" puts him on equal terms, rather than suggesting he is more powerful and important than you. I would find something like "love" quite patronising, but "mate" just feels quite friendly.

We had a painter and decorator who used to call me treacle ☺️ I thought it was nice, even though he probably did it because he couldn't remember names! 😂

That’s sweet 💥! (I’ll get my coat!)

My BIL who I'm close to is a builder, somehow when he's over doing something for us at home he starts calling me "dear" its just his professional shtick he's slipping into. I have another friend who's a consultant doctor and if she talks about medical stuff ever you see her slipping into her professional persona as well.

How the hell are you offended enough by this to post?!

Please, kindly get a life!!

Im surprised you haven’t rang his boss or better still why don’t you pop a post on FB about him and see how that goes down?

TREACLE! 😆 That's so cute. Didn't Dirty Den uses to call Sharon that in Eastenders?

Good grief, whilst being totally unaware it looks like you are doing him a favour by not employing him to carry out the work.