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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being asked to downplay my ds GCSE results.

144 replies

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 12:18

My DS smashed his GCSEs he got well over predicted and surprised everyone. He has sen and used school more for the social side of things, in all honesty he's been a shit at times. We thought he'd pass but not get 8's and 9's, we're surprised and really chuffed for him. He was always going to the local college and had chosen what his next step would be. My DSIL has a son in the same year, diffrent schools. He was expected to do amazing and go onto 6th form but unfortunately this hasn't been the case and he needs to resit. I've had a message from her asking me not to mention my ds results to anyone as she's embarrassed as she told everyone her ds was going to smash it. I don't do social media or anything but if family ask I'm not going to down play it as he did get amazing results (not saying he deserves them as he never studied or anything) One of my other DC failed their A-Levels and had to resit so whilst disappointing it's not the end of the world and she should be proud of what he got. DS and some mates are having a big sleepover in a field next weekend, in tents and I know not all of them got the results they wanted but they all should be proud of themselves and I won't stop them celebrating (she's not actually asked me to cancel yet)

OP posts:
Sarah2891 · 23/08/2025 12:20

That's ridiculous. Tell who you want! Congrats to your son.

ninjahamster · 23/08/2025 12:20

Course you should tell who you want!

MamaElephantMama · 23/08/2025 12:20

Nope. Celebrate your child loud and proud.

IDreamOfElectricSheep · 23/08/2025 12:23

Seriously? And that’s what she’d do if the roles were reversed? It doesn’t sound like it.
Show your ds how proud you are of him and share it with whoever you like. It’s only family and close friends who care anyway.

fannieadams · 23/08/2025 12:26

If anyone asks I would just tell them. Otherwise, you would have to say dsil asked you not to, which is weird. Congrats to your son.

StrokeRecovery25 · 23/08/2025 12:27

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 12:18

My DS smashed his GCSEs he got well over predicted and surprised everyone. He has sen and used school more for the social side of things, in all honesty he's been a shit at times. We thought he'd pass but not get 8's and 9's, we're surprised and really chuffed for him. He was always going to the local college and had chosen what his next step would be. My DSIL has a son in the same year, diffrent schools. He was expected to do amazing and go onto 6th form but unfortunately this hasn't been the case and he needs to resit. I've had a message from her asking me not to mention my ds results to anyone as she's embarrassed as she told everyone her ds was going to smash it. I don't do social media or anything but if family ask I'm not going to down play it as he did get amazing results (not saying he deserves them as he never studied or anything) One of my other DC failed their A-Levels and had to resit so whilst disappointing it's not the end of the world and she should be proud of what he got. DS and some mates are having a big sleepover in a field next weekend, in tents and I know not all of them got the results they wanted but they all should be proud of themselves and I won't stop them celebrating (she's not actually asked me to cancel yet)

just ignore her!!

Do whatever you would have done before she thought she could tell you not to.

you bet if it ad been the other way around she'd have taken out the front page in every newspaper & whatever the equivalent of is online!!

whatever you think of ggd work he out in, you should be making a big deal of it because he's fond spectacularly well in spite of his 'differences'

🎖️ ✅

Thebigonesgetaway · 23/08/2025 12:29

That would be so unfair on your son. I’d message back and say hope you guys get it all sorted, nothing to be embarassed about, but of course I can’t hide little Charlie’s achievement.

Redshoeblueshoe · 23/08/2025 12:30

congratulations to your son. If I were you I'd tell everyone.

InOverMyHead84 · 23/08/2025 12:31

Shout it from the rooftops! That's spectacular!!!

dottiedodah · 23/08/2025 12:31

He needs to tell all and sundry! WTF like she wouldnt have shouted it from the rooftops .I would just say Hi Jane ,Im sorry about Toms results .But I will be telling everyone how pleased we are with Ben .He has SEN as you know and we need to encourage him as much as we can.My own Son was quite quiet and it surprised many that he got into a top school sixth form I think

ShesTheAlbatross · 23/08/2025 12:32

Well she wasn’t equally considerate when she was telling everyone her son was going to smash it. How can she possibly expect you not to mention his results to anyone? If your parents ask how it went, is she wanting you to refuse to tell them??

TinyTeachr · 23/08/2025 12:36

By all means be proud of your son and tell friends/family that he has done very well and you are proud of him.

Perhaps she just means to be subtle around her son? Nothing wrong with being a bit sensitive and not bringing up a sore point.

tinygingermum · 23/08/2025 12:38

Congratulations to your son. You should be proud and shouldn’t keep quiet about his results, that would be unfair to him.

HMW19061 · 23/08/2025 12:38

So if the roles were reversed and your son had done shit would she be down playing how well her son had done?? I doubt it. Tell who you want…in fact tell as many people as you can.

OwlsR · 23/08/2025 12:39

Celebrate except too much when in contact with cousin. You know it’s not the end of the world but it probably doesn’t feel like it.

DSil may absolutely be unreasonable but there is another 16 year old that may be upset, embarrassed, possibly envious or anxious for their future.

limescale · 23/08/2025 12:40

TinyTeachr · 23/08/2025 12:36

By all means be proud of your son and tell friends/family that he has done very well and you are proud of him.

Perhaps she just means to be subtle around her son? Nothing wrong with being a bit sensitive and not bringing up a sore point.

This. Many nieces and nephews did exams the same year as my 2 DSs.
The adult might share their results and the cousins choose to share or not, but everyone is sensitive to feelings. Answer if asked but don’t blather on at a family BBQ (sounds like you would never do that, but maybe that what she meant?)

Original poster
Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 12:41

He's not bothered by his results, I'm proud of him for doing them as like I said he's not a angel, he struggled with all the rules in year 11 as they pull him up on wrong colour socks, when in previous years as long as you couldn't see them it didn't matter. Just told his 2 older siblings about it and they said they're putting it on social media. I've talked um out of it for now. Meant to get easier as they get older

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 23/08/2025 12:43

Sarah2891 · 23/08/2025 12:20

That's ridiculous. Tell who you want! Congrats to your son.

This. Tell who you want to, well done him.

Original poster
Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 12:43

limescale · 23/08/2025 12:40

This. Many nieces and nephews did exams the same year as my 2 DSs.
The adult might share their results and the cousins choose to share or not, but everyone is sensitive to feelings. Answer if asked but don’t blather on at a family BBQ (sounds like you would never do that, but maybe that what she meant?)

Show quote history

I don't think DN is bothered as much as she is. He done his best and that's all he could do. My other kids all struggled with exams and pressure my youngest wasn't bothered.

OP posts:
Jeschara · 23/08/2025 12:45

SIL, should have kept her mouth shut. I think she has a cheek to ask you to play down your sons results, she would not do this for you.

Well done to your son. Be that proud parent if asked and tell them his results. Your SIL sounds jealous and resentful, has she congratulated your son?

Louoby · 23/08/2025 12:49

I would be shouting from the roof tops if I were you, I would be so proud and you can absolutely feel this and let everyone know. Ignore her and her jealousy.

alwaysthesamechild · 23/08/2025 12:49

Congratulations to your son (and cheers to you as his success no doubt hinged on the support you provided)

id pop the local paper or online equivalent and as if they want to do a story!

ChocHotolate · 23/08/2025 12:51

Presumably if the results had been as expected for both boys, she would be shouting about her DS’ results loud & proud and not affording your son the considerations which she is now asking for

Oblomov25 · 23/08/2025 12:54

I wouldn't say anything to her, I'd just ignore and do what I want.

GreyCarpet · 23/08/2025 12:55

Completely ridiculous ask on her part but I suppose that's what happens when people pre-emptively brag about their children's future successes and measure their own worth by their children's academic success 🤷🏻‍♀️

She's just jealous and bitter and neither are attractive qualities.

Let his siblings be proud of him too.