Being asked to downplay my ds GCSE results.

[Ohdearwhatnow4]

My DS smashed his GCSEs he got well over predicted and surprised everyone. He has sen and used school more for the social side of things, in all honesty he's been a shit at times. We thought he'd pass but not get 8's and 9's, we're surprised and really chuffed for him. He was always going to the local college and had chosen what his next step would be. My DSIL has a son in the same year, diffrent schools. He was expected to do amazing and go onto 6th form but unfortunately this hasn't been the case and he needs to resit. I've had a message from her asking me not to mention my ds results to anyone as she's embarrassed as she told everyone her ds was going to smash it. I don't do social media or anything but if family ask I'm not going to down play it as he did get amazing results (not saying he deserves them as he never studied or anything) One of my other DC failed their A-Levels and had to resit so whilst disappointing it's not the end of the world and she should be proud of what he got. DS and some mates are having a big sleepover in a field next weekend, in tents and I know not all of them got the results they wanted but they all should be proud of themselves and I won't stop them celebrating (she's not actually asked me to cancel yet)

Yep, I can’t help wondering if she has been very vocal that her DS is pretty much guaranteed exam success so now everyone is asking how he’s done and it’s excruciating for her. I also think she might have been comparing her DS’s abilities favourably over OhDear’s DS. Otherwise why would she go as far as trying to silence OP? OP’s DS’s results are irrelevant to the results of the SiL’s son, unless of course, she has been comparing them a lot herself and now everyone is asking how they both did.

I get the idea of not talking about the results constantly and not rubbing his nose in it but no way should your DS need to downplay or hide his results to everyone else. This is about her own delicate feels not her DS! She sounds very competitive.

Yes that was my approach too.

I would tell your DS how brilliantly he’s done but maybe suggest he is kind around people who haven’t done as well.

Completely agree.
So wrong of you to stop your older children expressing pride in their sibling.

Bloody hell, give your head a wobble.

Nah. You got a trumpet, blow it! Not I. Front of her obviously.

So. Because he didn't work really hard and found it easier he shouldn't celebrate. What? 🤣.
Some kids struggle some kids don't. So we shouldn't celebrate those that don't because of those that do. Great message here

Id message back and say

Whilst I can understand the disappointment for your son, You can't ask me not to let people know how well my son has done in passing his exams - especially as he has SEN. Life will always be different for all the cousins, whilst some will do well at some stuff, others will do badly - we have to all muck in and take the highs with the lows, accepting that they are all different. If there is any way I can support you with the retakes, let me know as been there done that with one of mine. Hopefully as a family we can support each other and take joy at the successes.

OMG that’s batshit!! Absolutely sing it from the rooftops! Just winds me up when people do this! Had it my whole school life and see it from parents on the school run now and it’s embarrassing! When I was younger, it was “bobs on x book and, what’s super girl on?…oh she’ll catch up eventually blah blah” and I went on the achieve far better than them without my parents boasting!

Shout it loud and proud my love. I had DD diagnosed insulin dependent diabetic in holidays between year 6 and high school in and out of hospital even going in taxi from hospital to high school for a few months. Smashed her gcse's despite 57% attendance and I acted like she had won a nobel peace prize. When our kids are special in any way and 'expected' to underachieve we owe it to them to shout louder and prouder than anyone else. Tell your son to keep on being him and breaking down those walls. So flippin proud of him and you ❤️

Well done to your son. My daughter sat her exams this year and I am telling anyone that asks the truth she did brilliantly!

Your SIL should never have asked you to underplay his results. You are a proud mum and your son also needs to hear you tell people how well he has done too. Shout it from the rooftops he did amazing!

I had a similar situation at work. My daughter got into our first choice school where as my colleagues kid didn't even get into a school on their list. Another colleague just politely mentioned maybe not to scream my news from the room tops when colleague 1 was around, so that's what I did. I downplayed it, but only when that person was around, when she left I made a big deal, loud and proud.

Be proud and show your child how proud you are! Don't let someone else ruin this achievement.

Ridiculous. Downplay nothing! Tell who you or your son wants. Life and children are full of surprises!!

I agree with this. But I hate bragging of any sort. And I also don’t like other kids to feel upset.

When anyone asks me I say she did brilliantly but I then add that she worked really hard. She did work really hard but maybe I feel it sounds less like i am bragging as she worked so hard, therefore deserves good grades. On no account would I mention the grades though only to my family of course.

Celebrations definitely. That is amazing, and what an achievement.

Yes, it's unfortunate that your DSIL's son hasn't done so well but that's no reason for you not to celebrate your DS or to be totally up front if anyone asks.

Students fail exams. It happens often and whilst it's a pain, it's not the end of the world.

This! ⬆️

Sorry but do you honestly think if your son had failed and hers had got all 8’s and 9’s she would be ‘keeping it quiet???’ Hell no…… I mean christ she was bragging in advance that her son was ‘going to smash it!!’…..
Id reply and say ‘I’m so sorry that X didn’t do as well as you thought he would, it’s unfortunate and I’ve every sympathy, but DS did so well and we will be celebrating.

its so unfair of someone to ask this if someone else!