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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being asked to downplay my ds GCSE results.

144 replies

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 12:18

My DS smashed his GCSEs he got well over predicted and surprised everyone. He has sen and used school more for the social side of things, in all honesty he's been a shit at times. We thought he'd pass but not get 8's and 9's, we're surprised and really chuffed for him. He was always going to the local college and had chosen what his next step would be. My DSIL has a son in the same year, diffrent schools. He was expected to do amazing and go onto 6th form but unfortunately this hasn't been the case and he needs to resit. I've had a message from her asking me not to mention my ds results to anyone as she's embarrassed as she told everyone her ds was going to smash it. I don't do social media or anything but if family ask I'm not going to down play it as he did get amazing results (not saying he deserves them as he never studied or anything) One of my other DC failed their A-Levels and had to resit so whilst disappointing it's not the end of the world and she should be proud of what he got. DS and some mates are having a big sleepover in a field next weekend, in tents and I know not all of them got the results they wanted but they all should be proud of themselves and I won't stop them celebrating (she's not actually asked me to cancel yet)

OP posts:
tuvamoodyson · 23/08/2025 12:57

I’d have a banner made….well done son, onwards and upwards now!

cloudtreecarpet · 23/08/2025 12:58

By doing as she says doesn't that just make more of a thing of her child's disappointment? And signal to him that she's disappointed by what he got?

We have had similar in my family but everyone has been suitably pleased for the successful kids & sympathetic for the disappointed ones. I think fussing like she is can sometimes make it worse

DrPrunesqualer · 23/08/2025 12:59

I’ll be honest as I’m going a bit against the flow here but generally if people asked how my 3 did my response was always they got what they needed. ( They did extremely well but I wouldn’t say that as I would have no idea how their kids did and wouldn’t ask, other than to hope they were happy)

Ultimately if anyone wanted a breakdown of grades I think that’s a bit nosey and they’d have to ask my sons themselves
They’re my son’s results not mine.

Noshadelamp · 23/08/2025 12:59

That's crazy and selfish. It doesn't even sound like dsil is reting to protect her ds, but protect herself.

Specter1989 · 23/08/2025 13:01

My dd has done amazing with her exams and we are extremely proud of her.
My son failed all his exams but he has sen and learning difficulties, was in a sen school and I still feel extremely proud of him for getting up everyday even though it was hard for him and giving it his all!
Still proud of them, and will be celebrating them both.
So no you should do what you like with your own child and celebrate them in how you see fit.

blueclip · 23/08/2025 13:02

Hmmm I’m in 2 minds about this.

If your ds had worked his guts out and done brilliantly and then been told to downplay it, that would be well out of order. But you have said that your ds was “a shit”, broke rules and didn’t study. That being the case, I wonder why you are so proud. If he is that capable, then he should have got straight 9s and made plans for Oxbridge.

I’m finding it hard to believe the post actually. GCSEs are content heavy these days and if you don’t know the content, then it’s potentially very hard to get grade 9s.

Either way, seems as though your DS’s cousin’s plans are in disarray. So your other kids would be shits to gloat on social media when they know full well that their cousin/aunt are upset and in disarray.

AbzMoz · 23/08/2025 13:02

Sil counted her chickens too soon. Mad that shes drawing comparisons between the two lads - each of their successes are their own. Congrats to your DS

Nameychangington · 23/08/2025 13:04

My boyfriend when I was 16 wasn't allowed to celebrate his very good GCSE results, because his older sister had done badly in her A-levels the previous week. 34 years later, I still think that was poor parenting by their parents.

You're DS can celebrate his success without rubbing his cousins nose in it.

RappelChoan · 23/08/2025 13:05

I have never put my DC academic achievements on social media, I hate all those smug posts and no one else is really that interested anyway. Far more dignified to celebrate their efforts than their results and no need to make anyone else feel worse.

Adelle79360 · 23/08/2025 13:07

Who is she expecting you not to mention your son’s results to? Surely if it’s other family members you can’t turn around and say “sorry, I’m not telling you” when they ask, and if it’s people she doesn’t know (or know that well) then it’s nothing to do with her who you tell. Or does she mean posting on social media or something? What a bizarre request. People can be so weird.

HeddaGarbled · 23/08/2025 13:08

There’s a few places in between keeping it secret and “shouting from the rooftops” 😃

Jamesblonde2 · 23/08/2025 13:09

Tell her to get a grip. I’d be shouting from the rooftops.

blueclip · 23/08/2025 13:09

Nameychangington · 23/08/2025 13:04

My boyfriend when I was 16 wasn't allowed to celebrate his very good GCSE results, because his older sister had done badly in her A-levels the previous week. 34 years later, I still think that was poor parenting by their parents.

You're DS can celebrate his success without rubbing his cousins nose in it.

Not necessarily poor parenting. People can feel suicidal over fucked up A Levels and future plans.

GreyCarpet · 23/08/2025 13:10

DrPrunesqualer · 23/08/2025 12:59

I’ll be honest as I’m going a bit against the flow here but generally if people asked how my 3 did my response was always they got what they needed. ( They did extremely well but I wouldn’t say that as I would have no idea how their kids did and wouldn’t ask, other than to hope they were happy)

Ultimately if anyone wanted a breakdown of grades I think that’s a bit nosey and they’d have to ask my sons themselves
They’re my son’s results not mine.

That's fine (and my response was always similar) but it's one thing that being a personal choice and another if someone is insisting on it through their own disappointment.

JoshLymanSwagger · 23/08/2025 13:10

Not sure why you've stopped his older siblings from posting on SM. They're obviously very proud of the little bugger. 😁

SIL is the one with the issue. She shouldn't have boasted.

DO NOT tell your DC to cancel his camping party. He's earned every minute eating cold baked beans under soggy canvas.🏕

MummaMummaMumma · 23/08/2025 13:11

It's unfair and wrong if her to ask that of you.
You're allowed to be proud of your son and shout it from the roof tops if you like.
Your nephew is nothing to do with it.

WimbyAce · 23/08/2025 13:12

I'd ignore her. That is amazing for your son, congratulations!

SirBasil · 23/08/2025 13:13

i would say that i sympathise but i will not be hiding my DS light under a bushel.

Unless you are saying "nya nya nya my DS did way better than you" to your nephew and family, carry on.

Well done your DS!

withgraceinmyheart · 23/08/2025 13:13

I’m not sure how you not telling anyone DCs results is going to solve her problem, people are going to ask her about DNs regardless.

I don’t think you have to lie or specifically hide it but you don’t have to rub it in either (I’m sure you wouldn’t!)

I’d just reply something like:

‘Sorry to hear DN didn’t get the results he was expecting. Hopefully he can find the right way forward soon. Of course I’ll be sensitive about discussing DS results when DN is around, that’s absolutely no problem. Lots of love you to all.’

Either that or just heart her message or something.

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/08/2025 13:15

Ignore her and celebrate your child's achievements. She is only upset because she boasted about him before the results came out and that's her fault. Obviously don't rub it in your nephew's face but I'm sure you wouldn't have done that anyway.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 23/08/2025 13:16

If the situation were reversed, you DSIL would be shouting it from the rooftops. In fact she's already done that it seems, so more fool her.

It's for your DS to tell everyone he wants to however he wants to do it.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 23/08/2025 13:16

Ignore.

Well done to your son!

Original poster
Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 13:17

blueclip · 23/08/2025 13:02

Hmmm I’m in 2 minds about this.

If your ds had worked his guts out and done brilliantly and then been told to downplay it, that would be well out of order. But you have said that your ds was “a shit”, broke rules and didn’t study. That being the case, I wonder why you are so proud. If he is that capable, then he should have got straight 9s and made plans for Oxbridge.

I’m finding it hard to believe the post actually. GCSEs are content heavy these days and if you don’t know the content, then it’s potentially very hard to get grade 9s.

Either way, seems as though your DS’s cousin’s plans are in disarray. So your other kids would be shits to gloat on social media when they know full well that their cousin/aunt are upset and in disarray.

He got a 2 9's in his chosen options and a 8 in the other, a 8 in English language and 6 in literacy and 6 in maths, science was 6/5. Won't mention the language he took as he didn't pass that. He has autism, adhd and touretts so was never about the academic side was always that he didn't focus. I have no reason to make this up as what would I gain?
I'm going to just carry on as I had planned and if people ask I'll answer but won't broad cast it, like I said ds so relaxed about it, he's more interested if a certain girl will be at the sleepover. Just to add its boys sleeping in tents but girls will be their in the evening.

OP posts:
Corfumanchu · 23/08/2025 13:18

I never felt the need to brag about my kids' excellent results and neither did they. Why would anyone feel the need to 'shout from the rooftops'?

Nameychangington · 23/08/2025 13:18

blueclip · 23/08/2025 13:09

Not necessarily poor parenting. People can feel suicidal over fucked up A Levels and future plans.

Show quote history

She wasn't suicidal and would probably have done better if she hadn't spent so much time bunking off but even if she had been devastated, it wasn't her 16 year old brother's fault or his job to make her feel better by not being allowed to celebrate his own achievements.

I've a friend with twins, one finds academia extremely easy and the other has to slog for every grade 4. Should my friend stop the child who got all 8s and 9s from saying so, because the other twin got 5 4s?

OPs son has achieved good grades and should be free to say so whatever his cousin got.