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Original poster

Being asked to downplay my ds GCSE results.

144 replies

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 12:18

My DS smashed his GCSEs he got well over predicted and surprised everyone. He has sen and used school more for the social side of things, in all honesty he's been a shit at times. We thought he'd pass but not get 8's and 9's, we're surprised and really chuffed for him. He was always going to the local college and had chosen what his next step would be. My DSIL has a son in the same year, diffrent schools. He was expected to do amazing and go onto 6th form but unfortunately this hasn't been the case and he needs to resit. I've had a message from her asking me not to mention my ds results to anyone as she's embarrassed as she told everyone her ds was going to smash it. I don't do social media or anything but if family ask I'm not going to down play it as he did get amazing results (not saying he deserves them as he never studied or anything) One of my other DC failed their A-Levels and had to resit so whilst disappointing it's not the end of the world and she should be proud of what he got. DS and some mates are having a big sleepover in a field next weekend, in tents and I know not all of them got the results they wanted but they all should be proud of themselves and I won't stop them celebrating (she's not actually asked me to cancel yet)

OP posts:
fannieadams · 23/08/2025 15:31

RappelChoan · 23/08/2025 13:05

I have never put my DC academic achievements on social media, I hate all those smug posts and no one else is really that interested anyway. Far more dignified to celebrate their efforts than their results and no need to make anyone else feel worse.

I am sad. I put up a post on Facebook for A levels (not GCSEs as even though he got top grades he revised v last minute).

I just thought it was worth celebrating as he worked his butt off. I hardly ever post while a lot of parents post everything - star of the week even.

That is only 1 smug post in 18 years.

HangryBrickShark · 23/08/2025 15:35

She's jealous. Celebrate with freedom.

Hope he and his mates enjoying their camping.

P.s please remind him cooking on a camping stove inside a tent is dangerous, friends daughter nearly died from carbon monoxide due to doing this. Just in case they don't know x

Lavenderandbrown · 23/08/2025 15:39

Oh I would have your dd put it out on social media right now op. The nerve to ask you to minimize his success because her DS didn’t do as well as she expected and predicted and promoted. This is a learning lesson for her…don’t brag ahead of the accomplishment.

celebrate his accomplishments May there be many more but in life celebrate them as they happen because these moments of pure joy often are rare.

MzHz · 23/08/2025 15:41

Honestly, @Ohdearwhatnow4 just carry on doing whatever you would have done anyway. Nod and smile and wave at SIL, but don’t stop telling anyone who asks.

as your Ds has had to overcome so much to pull off the results he’s had, of course you’re going to be proud of him. As well you should be!

usedtobeaylis · 23/08/2025 16:08

Has she congratulated your son?

Bleachedlevis · 23/08/2025 16:11

FFS who does she think she is to try and dictate how you should react to your son’s success? Your son deserves the praise so praise him.
And she was foolish to announce her son was going to ‘smash’ his GCSEs. Who does that? Sensible people say something like “Well he’s been revising and we are hoping he does well. As long as he has does his best…”
Also she won’t be standing behind you every time you tell someone your DS has done well. Say what you want.

Original poster
Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 16:17

usedtobeaylis · 23/08/2025 16:08

Has she congratulated your son?

No but DBIL did send him a lovely text. As did his cousin

OP posts:
Pistachiocake · 23/08/2025 16:18

I would always say I'm quite happy with how he or she (depending which child I'm talking about) has done, and not go into details beyond what they need to know, as in, she's got into the college she wants. It's no one's business, except their teacher's. Not that I'm at that stage yet, but I remember a few mums trying to ask what reading level she was at/what group she was in even in Reception, and I always just said she was happy with the group the teacher put her in. When someone asked what writing levels my son had done in Yr2, even though he had them all, I knew others hadn't, so I didn't say anything beyond the teacher felt he was ok and doing as she expected. I've read here about other parents looking in their book bags on play dates, so I dread to think what they'll be like once we get to the next stage. I find it sad the way some parents, like your SIL (?) put pressure and talk about their kids to everyone. It made me so upset when I read about the kids that killed themselves over results, so from an early age I've just told my kids to do their best, and that I won't be discussing their results with anyone but their teachers, because exam results aren't the be all. Not sure if it can just be blamed on social media how things are today, but my parents/my friends' parents didn't talk to other people about our results.

usedtobeaylis · 23/08/2025 16:34

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 16:17

No but DBIL did send him a lovely text. As did his cousin

Show quote history

It seems she might be jealous then. I think tact around someone who hasn't done as well is normal but other than that, celebrate your own kid however you like. The fact she told everyone her son was going to smash suggests it's her nose that out of joint, nobody else's, and she wouldn't think twice about celebrating your nephew regardless.

Original poster
Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 16:42

Pistachiocake · 23/08/2025 16:18

I would always say I'm quite happy with how he or she (depending which child I'm talking about) has done, and not go into details beyond what they need to know, as in, she's got into the college she wants. It's no one's business, except their teacher's. Not that I'm at that stage yet, but I remember a few mums trying to ask what reading level she was at/what group she was in even in Reception, and I always just said she was happy with the group the teacher put her in. When someone asked what writing levels my son had done in Yr2, even though he had them all, I knew others hadn't, so I didn't say anything beyond the teacher felt he was ok and doing as she expected. I've read here about other parents looking in their book bags on play dates, so I dread to think what they'll be like once we get to the next stage. I find it sad the way some parents, like your SIL (?) put pressure and talk about their kids to everyone. It made me so upset when I read about the kids that killed themselves over results, so from an early age I've just told my kids to do their best, and that I won't be discussing their results with anyone but their teachers, because exam results aren't the be all. Not sure if it can just be blamed on social media how things are today, but my parents/my friends' parents didn't talk to other people about our results.

My DS never got his 'pen license' at school due to his handwriting, his reading was always above but he couldn't explain things. My DD has just graduated and I'm so proud but again not told people her results as she's a adult xx

OP posts:
Frostynoman · 23/08/2025 16:51

Shout it from the roof tops - never make yourself small for someone else

BMW6 · 23/08/2025 17:13

I'd tell her to get stuffed - more fool her for bragging how well he was going to do!

Sarah2891 · 23/08/2025 17:20

fannieadams · 23/08/2025 15:31

I am sad. I put up a post on Facebook for A levels (not GCSEs as even though he got top grades he revised v last minute).

I just thought it was worth celebrating as he worked his butt off. I hardly ever post while a lot of parents post everything - star of the week even.

That is only 1 smug post in 18 years.

Show quote history

You don't owe anyone an explanation. Ignore the killjoys. It hardly sounds like you're a bragger.

TheGreatWesternShrew · 23/08/2025 17:22

Your son smashed his grades even with special needs as a barrier… shout it from the roof tops just not in front of the upset other child.

AngryBookworm · 23/08/2025 17:31

Absolutely no reason to play that down. It's awful when families try to drag people down who work hard and do well just in case it makes someone feel bad. In time the situation may be reversed, or may have been in the past, with your DN doing well and your DS not so well. It sounds like you're not the type to put it on social media (I mean that as a compliment!) but if someone asks, there's absolutely no reason to downplay the results, or how proud you are. And well done to your DS!

gamerchick · 23/08/2025 17:37

The question you need to ask is, if it had been the other way around. Would she have?

You tell who you want

mrsm43s · 23/08/2025 17:48

Fine to tell the truth when asked, obviously. Bragging, however, is never OK, nor is being insensitive to kids who might be feeling bad because they didn't get what they needed.

perfectstorm · 23/08/2025 18:01

So she told everyone her DS was going to do amazingly, with no concern at all about how that could make your DS with SEND feel, but now your DS has done brilliantly without anyone expecting that and her DS has done badly, she doesn't want you to tell anyone?

She's being a selfish cow. Your son deserves to feel everyone is proud and thrilled for him, just as she wanted her son to feel, when sure the positions were reversed. Of course nobody should go on about it around her son - no need for a young man to be made to feel small - but otherwise, this is your DS's moment in the sun and how dare she demand he be shoved in the shade, just to spare her and her son's ego?

She sounds as if she always felt her son was better than yours, and she can't bear for that to be proven untrue. Neither boy is better or worse, in reality, because people are not stratified (least of all on how well or badly they do in their GCSEs...) but on this single occasion your son has done brilliantly and deserves to know how proud everyone is, and to be proud of himself - regardless of how his cousin has done.

His success didn't cause his cousin's failure.

newnamehereonceagain · 23/08/2025 18:03

I’d respond if asked but wouldn’t mention it otherwise. That would have been my approach with or without the specific request. PS your son has a nice and generous spirited cousin.

DeadMemories · 23/08/2025 18:07

Rosscameasdoody · 23/08/2025 14:22

Wow, literally not a good word to say have you ?

Show quote history

I know, really fucking nasty post. Calling OPs other children “shits” for being proud of their brother and wanting to post on their social media accounts, they might not even know what the cousin got so hardly gloating.

MrsPositivity1 · 23/08/2025 18:13

fantastic news for your son. I’d be telling anyone that asked

Judecb · 23/08/2025 18:14

Your sister in law should be telling everyone how proud she is of her nephew!!

m00rfarm · 23/08/2025 18:18

I would have to ask her if she would have been so accommodating if her little darling had "smashed it" as she had told everyone he would have done, and your son not done that well. Of course not. I would definitely shout it from the rooftops.

autienotnaughty · 23/08/2025 18:24

I’d encourage brothers to post it like she would have done the same for you!!

GiveDogBone · 23/08/2025 18:24

No need to keep quiet about it, but equally no need to shout it from the rooftops, Nobody likes a show off and there’ll be plenty of people in your SIL’s camp who need time to grieve.