Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

[Thatsnotmynamee]

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.)
But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

He's being ridiculously paranoid. Paedophiles on a ferry?

I would be seriously wondering why he thinks like that.

He’s loopy.

I was just going to say something similar.
It sounds as though he himself is sexualising a four year old and that is very concerning.

He’s being ridiculous. Paedophiles are attracted to children because they are children, not whether they wear shorts under a dress or not. If they’re going to target a child or take photos it won’t make any difference. Your dd should be comfortable first and foremost and making her wear shorts under a dress during the summer is just going to make her self conscious and uncomfortable.

This. It's not normal to think of a child that way.

he's already noticed men looking at her??

she's 4?
I would push that further, it's very weird.

There are A LOT of anxious parents putting shorts underneath little girl's dresses, usually mums but that's very common. If you are that bothered, why putting a dress on full stop, just stick to shorts. (when it's not school uniform obviously)

On that aspect, it's the same as all these parents, his comment is just a bit weird.

It’s a rather extreme reaction. Not something I’d have even considered. I agree with you.

The lunchtime supervisors at my dds school tell my 5 yo and 8yo to do this so when they are playing no one sees their pants. I feel quite conflicted about it as I don't particularly want their underwear on show (obviously!) but also think it's over sexualising small girls and making them more self conscious than they need to be when running and jumping around a playground. Particularly a playground that isn't visible to the public at all.

My very rule abiding older daughter is particularly rigid about it in case she gets told off if she doesn't do it.

I think this is really sad. It makes girls feel so self aware far too early and makes it their responsibility to police the behaviours of adults - which is wrong. But then I am mid 40s and come from the generation where we did PE in our knickers and vests a lot of the time!

Why isn't it weird when mothers do it then?

In this day and age, I think op is naive and I'm with the father here. Better to be safe that sorry. Why on earth wouldn't you?

Dd likes to wear shorts underneath as she wants to wear dresses, but also wants to run and play and roll about without worrying about showing her pants. It's fairly common around here. I would be more worried about online pictures though, even in a private account.

Get proper knickers and it shouldn't be a problem. Amazon do thick cotton shorty ones that don't gape. Cheap supermarket ones are crap and do gape and reveal everything.

I agree he seems overly concerned and I'd be questioning why he is so focused on this.

You think ferries are packed with men looking at 4 yr olds who are not wearing shorts under their dresses?

Local primary schools here ask parents to ensure their daughters have shorts on under their dresses and skirts if they aren’t wearing skorts, shorts or trousers.

I think short style underwear are better under dresses as they dont gap when sitting crossed legged or playing.

I'm not paranoid about paedophiles or anything like that, but I do have my dd wear bike shorts under skirts and dresses. Because of their height (short, so the skirt is short), the constant playing around doing cartwheels etc, and the way kids normally sit on the ground, I find underwear is basically constantly on show with kids. I suppose that's no big deal but I think it's nicer to cover it. It also protects their legs a bit more when sitting on the ground.

Also when I wear dresses, I always wear undershorts myself, it's more comfortable and keeps my legs rubbing together. So I feel like it's comfortable for kids as well.

I wouldn't, leggings on small kids are so exposing. It's essentially the same thing.

was she doing actively showing off her underwear on ferry? His reaction is odd. But your reaction of being grossed out by him says a lot more..

listen to what your hunch is telling you

We do put shorts under a dress for the four year old, but for practicality and keeping her from flashing people when she does cartwheels, not because we're worried about paedophiles. I think that's a very odd place for your DH to go to.

Wearing shorts makes them LESS self conscious as they can then play and tumble without their pants showing.

i would say the same if boys wore clothes that could show their pants

I haven't voted as not sure what your stand is, as to whether YABU or not, but he is clearly being vvv unreasonable.

I am another who wonders how his mind went to that, on a ferry.

Ours would always wear this style pants / briefs. Not shorts but a more secure pant. Great for playing / twirling on the bars whatever they like. I don’t think your husband was sexualising your daughter, that’s a disgusting thing for others to accuse him of, he’s just being aware. I was too. There are too many of these sickos about unfortunately.

Obv OP if you have some sort of gut feeling about your husband being inappropriate- that’s an entirely different matter.

We had this thread last week. What’s happening on this subject?!

Unfortunately, he is not wrong. My cartwheeling, legs akimbo- sitting, little ones are innocent. But there are disgusting people everywhere. It's just a pair if short. Why is this an issue?