To be annoyed mum has cancelled sleepover last minute

[itispersonal]

dd was to have a sleepover at ours with a friend. Friend was meant to come over today between 12.30 to 1.30 just had a message from dd friend to say she’s had an argument with her mum and now she’s grounded and phone being taken off.

AIBU to be annoyed. Dd is ASC so has been waiting since waking up for friend to come over. Friend could have already been here. Snacks are already brought and plans had been made.

If friend has been in an argument with her mum, surely the consequence should be after this arrangement due to cancelling it so late and not let dd down.

If the friend were my child and had done something that is worthy of being grounded, she’d be grounded!
It’s sad for your child, but her friend needs to learn to behave or suffer the consequences.

She could be making it up and made other plans.

Where do you draw the line though? Most of what teens do will be with their pals. Do we just let them do whatever the fuck they want, lest they let down a friend? Give them money to go shopping and to McDs on a Saturday afternoon after they’ve just given you a mouthful of shite for asking them to tidy up after themselves, because otherwise they’d be letting down their friend? Sorry, no.

I believe she is making it up too.
She didnt want to stay, using DM as an excuse.
It could have been anxiety or she wasn't interested.

Maybe speak to the parent of the other girl, OP. You might get a whole other story.

This thread is wild 🤣

Unfortunately it probably is real. The number of supposed parents posting that they think this is a-okay shows that clearly enough. Some are just dandy with their kids staying overnight where they don't have a scooby what other animals or people are in that house. It's mind-blowing.

OP might be doubling down, but at least she's taken from this thread that talking to other parents in advance is probably a good idea.

How on earth did parents manage before mobile phones? Honestly when I was a kid we’d just say I’m going out mum and she’s be ‘come back before dinner’. We went between each others houses, played on the street. She had no idea where we were! But we got I. Trouble if we were late!

They managed by picking up the landline phone!

That's not the same as overnight.

Can see both sides. I wouldn't be happy from your side because the arrangements were already in place and with sleepovers, you may have already bought treat food etc. However, maybe if the other Mum is having problems disciplining her daughter, it may be that she is coming down hard by taking away something that her DD was really looking forward to.

Happened to my DD once. I drove her to her friends house for guitar practice (kids stuff) she was around 12 at the time. The friend lived the other side of town through heavy traffic. Anyway, arrived and DD was told by the mother that they had grounded their child so they wouldn't be able to get together that day. No apology or anything. My daughter was upset as looking forward to seeing her friend, and I had made myself free to take her. Blows my mind how inconsiderate people can be.

Does it matter?

Whoever's fault it is, I'd write this one off as flakey and inconsiderate, and not bother again.

When DS1 was in mid-primary we had someone do this on his birthday, knowing full well we'd already bought tickets for the party activity.

This thread is crazy!

The amount of vitriol the op has got for asking a simple question

All kinds of made up stuff
Proper bossy aggression

Criticisms based on imaginary scenarios that may or may not have happened

Instead of just a bit of acknowledgement that it was a shame her child was let down last min

Crazy times

She's done the right thing by pretty much refusing to engage

I think it does matter. It makes a big difference if the mother decided to change the plan vs. if the mother didn't even know of the plan till the last minute and there were other plans the other girl was committed to instead. The last one can be improved with communication. It could be quite different to your DS's situation.

I agree with you that your party situation was inconsiderate and rude. It's not the same situation, though. An overnight stay is a different thing from a party lasting about 3 hours with other children present. The difference in safeguarding concerns is clear.

There are all kinds of elaborate stories being woven around what the other mother might or might not have done, and what she may or may not have been told by her DD. The upshot is no one here has the first idea and neither does the OP, so the judgements of her behaviour are based on a straw man.

There was a simple solution. This thread probably wouldn't have been posted had the parents spoken as a courtesy beforehand, or at least, the OP might have received a different set of responses.

If child collapses and you can’t access their phone? They forget it and there’s some emergency? Child kicking off and you can’t access their phone.

It’s not even that hard to do!!

“Mum can I have a sleepover with X”

”Yes sure, can you tell her I need her mum’s number first?” Get number then:

“Hi mum of X, the girls have arranged a sleepover for Saturday, just wanted to give you my number and check all ok. Are you ok with X coming over from 2pm and us doing (this activity) on the Sunday?”

Then at least if it has to be cancelled you could check in with the mum! Just common sense and good parenting…

What's ASC?

You clearly have very little consideration for other people’s time and feelings. If you think having manners makes me a Hyacinth I suggest you up your standards a little.

Punishing her own child is one thing, but she has punished the ops daughter as well which is unfair. In this situation I would let the sleepover go ahead but make it clear that the behaviour wasn’t forgotten and there would be another punishment incoming.

As a side note... if a child you didn't know well had misbehaved to the extent they were grounded, would you really want responsibility for them overnight?

Personally I only want children i trust at sleepovers!

Oh, it must mean autism!

That's not nice for your dd at all. It wouldn't be nice for any child, autistic or not.

In the future, perhaps schedule a sleepover later in the day. 1.30 until the next day is a bit long and it's possible the other child felt anxious about it so her mum cancelled with an excuse.

Same thing has happened to my dc, it's annoying to cancel a sleepover on the same day unless for a very good reason.

Autism

My friend was banned from coming because she hadn’t done her piano practise, another poster said it was because they hadn’t tidied their room….

Ha ha ha no they absolutely didn’t.

Mine did. "Is x there? Please ask them to come home."

Either that or she'd come and find us in the surrounding streets.