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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover

664 replies

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:06

We moved into our house almost a year ago. It hadn’t been updated in 40 years, but it’s in a great area, between two outstanding schools, and we managed to get it for £200k less than asking as the seller needed a quick sale. It’s a 4-bed with 2 bathrooms, 2 receptions, a separate kitchen and a utility room. It’s a fantastic investment and I still feel lucky to own it.

The reality is we maxed ourselves out buying it, so there’s no money left for big renovations or an extension. My DH doesn’t like the house — he would have preferred a “done” house — but we couldn’t afford that in this area and didn’t want to move elsewhere. His attitude is that everything should be done by professionals, but we can’t afford that either.

So over the past year I’ve been doing most of the work myself: stripping wallpaper, painting, redecorating etc. Recently I tackled the 40-year-old kitchen. We can’t afford new units, so I added panelling to the cupboard doors and painted them, replaced the cabinet handles, removed the lino as it was damaged, stripped wallpaper, painted the walls and the orange tiles, covered the worst tiles with panelling, and wrapped the worktops in vinyl. It’s not perfect — some of the cupboards don’t hang completely straight and need adjusting — but the difference is huge. Instead of a 40-year-old kitchen, it now looks more like a 10-year-old one.

The problem is DH doesn’t appreciate it. He still says the kitchen looks “old” and can’t see the point of me spending a few hundred pounds making it nicer. He hasn’t lifted a finger to help because he doesn’t do DIY, won’t ask FIL (apparently he will be critical because the panelling on the cabinets isn’t quite right) or his builder friend (friend will likely be “too busy”), so it’s all been left to me. His view is we need a new kitchen/extension, but realistically that’s not happening for at least 5 years. I’d rather make it more liveable now.

What’s making me doubt myself is other people’s reactions. A wealthy friend came round and just said, “so much change!” but not that it looked nice. MIL commented on how hard I’d worked rather than how good it looked. My mum loved it and thought a new tap, sink and dishwasher would make a big difference (and she went straight out and bought all of these for me) but she’s also my mum so not that objective. Now I’m worrying I’ve just “polished a turd” and made the kitchen worse, whereas I genuinely feel it’s a big improvement.

Here are the before and (nearly) after photos. They may take a while to load. Be brutally honest — have I done a decent job for a DIY upgrade, or does it look as bad as DH, friend and MIL seem to think? I’m worried I’m embarrassing myself by being so pleased with my efforts.

YABU - I agree with your DH, friend and MIL
YANBU - It looks nice!

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Umidontknow · 22/08/2025 12:29

It looks a million times better! It looks a nice functional kitchen now. The people around you sound problematic though to be honest. Your husband can not like the house, but still support his wife. And doing a house up goes a long way towards making it yours and liking it.

spiderlight · 22/08/2025 12:29

That's such a difference - well done! It looks loads better.

Grammarnut · 22/08/2025 12:30

Well, from photos it looked ok to start with (of course, I can't see the chips etc and I come from a generation that doesn't obsess about new kitchens) and the after looks much better and nicer. Your DH wants to learn to appreciate you more, you have done a very good job.

AngryBookworm · 22/08/2025 12:30

This looks so much better! Well done OP. Honestly, your DH needs to wind his neck in. He could have got involved and had an input aesthetically but he chose not to.

He needs to realise that whether he felt backed into a corner buying the house or not, he's a grown man and needs to take responsibility for his decisions. This is where you live and well done you for making the best of it! Also, a bit of perspective for him - not having a new kitchen is not exactly having to live in a hovel. Certainly what you've done now is great and an improvement - you should feel proud of yourself whenever you look at it!

godmum56 · 22/08/2025 12:31

gamerchick · 22/08/2025 11:16

Eh? It looks mint OP. Do you want to come and do mine? Grin

The problem here is your husband and his whining.

Sit him down, tell him his comments are getting you down and he either needs to step up and help or shut the fuck up. Tell him to come up with a financially working plan to get stuff up to scratch or to shut the fuck up about it.

You're going to need to be really harsh with him I think.

this totally. Come and do mine please? And more seriously can I ask what paint you used?

autumn1610 · 22/08/2025 12:32

it looks so much better than it did well done. I would have gone with a different darker colour on the cabinets as I think it would hide a few more sins and just have an impact but don’t listen to your husband if he cba to put any effort in then he can’t complain

greasyhairedwoman · 22/08/2025 12:32

I really like the new floor - much nicer than Lino IMO - it looks brilliant!

Nameychangington · 22/08/2025 12:33

Keep the kitchen, replace the husband!

Going on your updates, this. A man who sulks because he can't afford what he wants, who played brinkmanship with your last house to get his own way, denigrates your efforts to make the house better and refuses to help or let others help you, and worst of all lies to you that he wants another child when he doesn't?

You can do better.

godmum56 · 22/08/2025 12:34

Eddielizzard · 22/08/2025 11:59

Can you ask FIL yourself? Do you have that kind of relationship? I bet he'd be a great asset and with luck, teach you a load of DIY.

this. Is your husbands problem that your fil will think he's a lazy useless so and so?

Pivotpivoooot · 22/08/2025 12:34

Wow you've done a great job. The people that don't help are always the biggest critics.

godmum56 · 22/08/2025 12:35

autumn1610 · 22/08/2025 12:32

it looks so much better than it did well done. I would have gone with a different darker colour on the cabinets as I think it would hide a few more sins and just have an impact but don’t listen to your husband if he cba to put any effort in then he can’t complain

the problem with darker colours is they do make the kitchen darker (bitter experience)

MistressRoydon · 22/08/2025 12:36

Wow 🤩 well done- wish I could do something like this but am rubbish at DIY. Very impressed and so much nicer !

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 22/08/2025 12:37

You’ve done an amazing job!! You should be proud x

Definitelyrandom · 22/08/2025 12:37

Looks hugely better. Love the tiles. Maybe add a few plants and get a more contrasting mat in front of the sink?

eatreadsleeprepeat · 22/08/2025 12:37

It looks good, it doesn’t look as if it was done by someone not very experienced. If you wanted to make it more different you could add a blind, possibly quite statement pattern or colour and then pick that colour up in accessories.

roshi42 · 22/08/2025 12:37

It’s gorgeous!! A huge improvement!! It actually looks quite a bit like my kitchen - I also did a ‘facelift’ when I moved in because no way can I afford a new one. We have the same tiles! And the same issues with the ‘behind the scenes’ not being so great - wonky cupboards and the inside shelves etc being really old. But I think it looks a million times better than before. And why wouldn’t you improve it now, knowing you can’t do it properly for a long time?! The only difference is I had to pay for new doors and tiles etc - you’ve done it all yourself!! That’s so incredible, I’m really impressed. Well done OP! 👏 I hope the praise of internet strangers helps. Boo to your DH, he’s being rubbish on this one.

lifeonmars100 · 22/08/2025 12:38

It looks great, well done on all your hard work, may I ask what paint you used on your cabinets as I have been thinking of painting mine as there is no way I can afford new ones.

CrispieCake · 22/08/2025 12:38

Looks great. Shame about your DH though. It's not the kitchen that's making you feel down, it's living with a moany arse.

Tweedled · 22/08/2025 12:38

To be honest your husband sounds like a selfish twat.
You have done a fantastic job of updating a tired old kitchen and should be extremely proud of all your hard work.
I would speak to FIL and say you know things aren’t perfect but that’s the best you could do so please don’t point it out. Ask if he could help with the cupboard doors and teach you how to do it at the same time.
Your husband should be ashamed of his attitude.

Miner4aHeartofGold · 22/08/2025 12:40

That is a HUGE change! So very much nicer. Well done OP! I'm amazed your DH can't see it. But never mind him - enjoy your lovely kitchen

Tablesandchairs23 · 22/08/2025 12:40

You've done a good job. Your husband is an ungrateful arse.

charliearm · 22/08/2025 12:41

I see everyone has already said this – but just wanted to add another big pat on the back and well done. You should be incredibly proud of yourself and your work, it looks great. Ignore your husband, he doesn’t sound particularly kind at all and rather selfish (that’s the only big problem here!). Hugs. Xxx

TheQuirkyMaker · 22/08/2025 12:42

I do a lot of DIY and I think you have done very well! My God, your husband is negative. There is nothing stopping him developing some DIY skills himself and being helpful. (The hinges are not too difficult to adjust btw, there will be tutorials on YT).

Hellohelga · 22/08/2025 12:43

Well done, looks great. Hope your DH has other redeeming qualities as he sounds dire.