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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover

664 replies

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:06

We moved into our house almost a year ago. It hadn’t been updated in 40 years, but it’s in a great area, between two outstanding schools, and we managed to get it for £200k less than asking as the seller needed a quick sale. It’s a 4-bed with 2 bathrooms, 2 receptions, a separate kitchen and a utility room. It’s a fantastic investment and I still feel lucky to own it.

The reality is we maxed ourselves out buying it, so there’s no money left for big renovations or an extension. My DH doesn’t like the house — he would have preferred a “done” house — but we couldn’t afford that in this area and didn’t want to move elsewhere. His attitude is that everything should be done by professionals, but we can’t afford that either.

So over the past year I’ve been doing most of the work myself: stripping wallpaper, painting, redecorating etc. Recently I tackled the 40-year-old kitchen. We can’t afford new units, so I added panelling to the cupboard doors and painted them, replaced the cabinet handles, removed the lino as it was damaged, stripped wallpaper, painted the walls and the orange tiles, covered the worst tiles with panelling, and wrapped the worktops in vinyl. It’s not perfect — some of the cupboards don’t hang completely straight and need adjusting — but the difference is huge. Instead of a 40-year-old kitchen, it now looks more like a 10-year-old one.

The problem is DH doesn’t appreciate it. He still says the kitchen looks “old” and can’t see the point of me spending a few hundred pounds making it nicer. He hasn’t lifted a finger to help because he doesn’t do DIY, won’t ask FIL (apparently he will be critical because the panelling on the cabinets isn’t quite right) or his builder friend (friend will likely be “too busy”), so it’s all been left to me. His view is we need a new kitchen/extension, but realistically that’s not happening for at least 5 years. I’d rather make it more liveable now.

What’s making me doubt myself is other people’s reactions. A wealthy friend came round and just said, “so much change!” but not that it looked nice. MIL commented on how hard I’d worked rather than how good it looked. My mum loved it and thought a new tap, sink and dishwasher would make a big difference (and she went straight out and bought all of these for me) but she’s also my mum so not that objective. Now I’m worrying I’ve just “polished a turd” and made the kitchen worse, whereas I genuinely feel it’s a big improvement.

Here are the before and (nearly) after photos. They may take a while to load. Be brutally honest — have I done a decent job for a DIY upgrade, or does it look as bad as DH, friend and MIL seem to think? I’m worried I’m embarrassing myself by being so pleased with my efforts.

YABU - I agree with your DH, friend and MIL
YANBU - It looks nice!

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 22/08/2025 12:15

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:37

Thanks everyone. You’re all making me a bit tearful - it’s taken over a month of finding time at work and at weekends here and there to do it plus 10s of hours spent on YouTube trying to learn how to do stuff. In all that time I haven’t had a single bit of proper praise from anyone (except my mum) and it was really getting me down.

@Daisyvodka i am upset at my DH and we had an argument about it last night (hence my post). But I’m more upset about the fact that he clearly thinks it’s not great and the reason he doesn’t want to ask FIL to help me straighten the cabinets is because he says FIL will criticise my work.

It’s sad I had to ask you all for your opinion but I was starting to feel silly and worrying I’ve developed DIY blindness!

I removed the old lino as it was damaged and they were covering the original quarry tiles. The tiles are also damaged, there’s a lot of newspaper print and glue residue on them. I’m currently researching how to get all of that off and try to get them looking nice without spending a lot of money!

I think your FIL will criticise him - that’s what he’s scared of. But that’s not your problem.

My husband also doesn’t like me asking his brother or father to help with things, because they would expect my husband to help. And would express that criticism to my husband without restraint (while also helping me).

I would ask your FIL directly. Your husband is within his right to refuse to help you (though I think that’s an unkind way to treat someone you live with, let alone your life partner). But he’s unreasonable to refuse to help and also forbid you from getting the help you need from elsewhere.

TwistedKeys · 22/08/2025 12:15

It looks miles better.

Daisypod · 22/08/2025 12:16

Do you think DH doesn’t want to ask fil as he’s worried fil will think he should’ve done it?
Donyou think fil will be overly critical? I definitely agree with asking him yourself, whenever I’ve asked family they’ve happily agreed to show me how to do things that they have knowledge of.

CoffeeCantata · 22/08/2025 12:17

Wow and double wow, OP! That’s fantastic. I’ve tried to get better over the years but my DIY skills are very basic. So are my husband’s, and since we’ve never been high earners, we’ve had to put up with less than ideal decor.

I’m full of admiration for handy people, male or female. And jealous…😀

Montasaurus · 22/08/2025 12:18

A very ungrateful DH. I hate men like this.
You’ve done brilliantly.

SquirrelFan · 22/08/2025 12:18

I love the floor! Don't cover it with lino!
I think it is a huge improvement.

TheOpalReader · 22/08/2025 12:18

I think you've done a great job! I wouldn't listen to your husband, tell him he's more than welcome to help and/or do it himself.

Notellinganyone · 22/08/2025 12:20

Huge difference! Well done you. Your husband sounds frustrating.

Nextdoortomeis · 22/08/2025 12:20

Well done OP
I'd be telling DH, Mil and anyone else with a horrible opinion to either keep it to themselves or piss off.

AngularMerkin · 22/08/2025 12:20

Wow that’s a great achievement! It looks SO much better. A lovely linen Roman blind to soften the window and a nice Boston fern or a cute little lamp would be the perfect finishing touches. Your husband sounds like a miserable, obstructive prick.

Notellinganyone · 22/08/2025 12:20

The floor is fab do definitely keep that.

Bigbackbiscuits · 22/08/2025 12:21

Wow looks amazing OP, well done. You should be really proud of your efforts.

Your husband sounds like a misery guts.

CraftyYankee · 22/08/2025 12:21

For the window you can get a tension rod pretty inexpensively and hang a light cafe curtain off it, costs peanuts and looks elegant. Don't love the floor, if you can clean it up then great, otherwise peel and stick tiles or lino are pretty inexpensive.

It looks great! People who don't do diy themselves have no appreciation for the time and effort involved. I relaid flooring in our reception room, installed dado rails, repainted, and more. My DH praised the work at least! But no real understanding of the work involved. I get huge satisfaction from it and you should too!

Stillreadingalot · 22/08/2025 12:21

I think you've done a great job. DIY is a learning process and you'll get better as you do more and gain in confidence. YouTube is fab - when I started doing DIY it didn't exist !
Why don't you ask your FIL to show you how to rehang doors/cabinets - most good DIYers are happy to share their knowledge

Hiphopahip · 22/08/2025 12:22

Can I just say, it's really nice to see a genuine DIY job with the real finishes by someone who really does have to consider every aspect of the budget, like what you've said about new blinds and paying someone to fit new lights, etc.

I am also living in a major do-er upper so my reels are filled with people's "DIY" projects which actually make you feel so deflated because they look perfect and honestly, it's just not realistic. The cost of EVERYTHING is so much, even just getting someone to change a light fitting or rehang cupboards is not cheap.

You're restyled kitchen looks lovely and I'd be really chuffed if I'd achieved that myself.

onetrickrockingpony · 22/08/2025 12:22

Firstly, OP you’ve done an amazing job. Just need to clean up those tiles and sort a blind out.

I really think your DH and FIL are being truly awful here. Somehow DH seems not to be accepting that he can’t afford a new kitchen or the professional work and so is refusing to appreciate the immense amount of work that you’ve done.

I’m also dismayed to read that your DH would rather not get your FiL involved in case he criticises your work. Is he potentially avoiding criticisms of “why is your wife doing all of this and you have done nothing”.

What is your relationship with FIL like? Within a family I am surprised he’s not wanting to help, would not be delighted to lend you his drill, or generally would not be open to spending an afternoon with you with tea and cake refreshments sorting out the cupboard doors and giving you tips. But, based upon your description of your husband, I suspect that if you reached out directly that this would go down badly with your husband. And that’s a real shame because these kinds of home tasks do wonders for family relationships.

You’re making your family home nice, for the benefit of your family, within reasonable and understandable restrictions. It’s really sad that you’re not getting more support.

Bewareofstepfords · 22/08/2025 12:23

AyeDeadOn · 22/08/2025 11:10

Omg that's an amazing improvement! Well done. Your husband is a tit and doesnt deserve you.

Yeah, it seems that too many men are still punching well above their weights even in the younger generations - which is disappointing.

tealandteal · 22/08/2025 12:24

I think it looks amazing- the worktop especially! If I was being super critical I would put up a blind or something to make the window look more “finished”. Is that a mat on the floor by the sink?

InfoSecInTheCity · 22/08/2025 12:24

Right, as a really easy and cheap window treatment, you could get a push to fit/tension rod, they come in pretty much all colours at Dunelm or The Range and fit it wall to wall ver the top of the window. Then a short ‘cafe’ length tab top curtain running across the top half of the window. You can hem it with a sewing machine or if sewing isn’t your thing with iron on hemming web.

I think it looks much much better, I’m just a big fan of colour and think injecting a small pop of colour around the window or in accessories like the Toaster or hand towel would look fantastic.

Renoonabudget · 22/08/2025 12:25

OP I'm in exactly the same situation! Bought the dream house fixer upper, but with little budget to fixer up properly yet! You've done a brilliant job, well done! I can't believe your husband is being such a bastard about it, he hasn't done anything, you can't afford to have it fully ripped out and redone yet, so you've done a bloody brilliant job with the resources you have!

Its not a polished turd at all! It looks like its a lovely kitchen that will suit your needs for years to come. He should be getting you a massive bunch of flowers and arranging a lavish meal out with all the money you've saved and work you've done to make your house a lovely space. Xx

Sending solidarity, (I'm currently pulling the carpet out of the downstairs loo and laying some laminate flooring) 😅

Alltheyellowbirds · 22/08/2025 12:26

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:51

This is probably the heart of it. He said yes to this house because he felt he couldn’t say no.
With our previous house, he backed out on the day of exchange because he felt it was too much work and we ended up buying the house he wanted instead - I didn’t like the house, we bought it fully done up from a developer as it was what DH wanted. But I got over the fact that it wasn’t my first choice and we were there for 7 years. We ended up losing money when we sold it because it’s hard to make anything on done up houses. He also agreed to the house because around that time he finally admitted after leading me on for several years that he didn’t want a second child which absolutely devastated me. So yeah, he probably owed me one!

So basically he only likes new builds with brand new fixtures and fittings, and there is nothing you could have done in the kitchen that he would praise because he’s sulking. Sod him. You lived in a new house last time that you didn’t like, now it’s his turn not to get his first choice. He needs to grow up and not be such an entitled dick! You’ve honestly done such a lovely job of the kitchen, and it will be even better when you’ve cleaned and polished those beautiful quarry tiles.

And def pull in FIL’s help for the finishing touches, I’m sure he’d love to help you straighten the doors and hang curtain and lights. It will be a nice bonding thing fur the two of you, and if DH feels left out all the better. He should have been helping you all along.

You are going to love living in this kitchen. It’s warm and inviting and it has character. Plus it reflects all the love and labour you’ve poured into it - you don’t get that in a new one.

Squirrelsnut · 22/08/2025 12:26

You've done an amazing job - well done!
100% your DH feels somehow diminished by the fact you tackled a major DIY project successfully.

Climbingrosexx · 22/08/2025 12:27

You have done a lovely job and I love original features like the floor tiles, I would definitely not cover them

WookieWoo · 22/08/2025 12:28

OP, your 'D'H, MIL, friend etc have all sowed that horrible seed of doubt but not one of them have achieved what you have to achieved.

It looks bloody brilliant and so much nicer than before. It may not be perfect, but so what? I can't stand the expectation that DIY should be perfect (don't get me started on people on Insta who strip all the paint of their woodwork. Who has time for that?!).

I think a new blind will finish it all off perfectly and nothing more needs to be done. Great work 💪

Chipsahoy · 22/08/2025 12:28

God with family like that who needs enemies. You’ve done a fantastic job. Honestly. Truly.
We are doing a self Reno and we did the kitchen on a budget a few years ago. There is nothing wrong with doing that.
Be proud of yourself.