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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover

664 replies

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:06

We moved into our house almost a year ago. It hadn’t been updated in 40 years, but it’s in a great area, between two outstanding schools, and we managed to get it for £200k less than asking as the seller needed a quick sale. It’s a 4-bed with 2 bathrooms, 2 receptions, a separate kitchen and a utility room. It’s a fantastic investment and I still feel lucky to own it.

The reality is we maxed ourselves out buying it, so there’s no money left for big renovations or an extension. My DH doesn’t like the house — he would have preferred a “done” house — but we couldn’t afford that in this area and didn’t want to move elsewhere. His attitude is that everything should be done by professionals, but we can’t afford that either.

So over the past year I’ve been doing most of the work myself: stripping wallpaper, painting, redecorating etc. Recently I tackled the 40-year-old kitchen. We can’t afford new units, so I added panelling to the cupboard doors and painted them, replaced the cabinet handles, removed the lino as it was damaged, stripped wallpaper, painted the walls and the orange tiles, covered the worst tiles with panelling, and wrapped the worktops in vinyl. It’s not perfect — some of the cupboards don’t hang completely straight and need adjusting — but the difference is huge. Instead of a 40-year-old kitchen, it now looks more like a 10-year-old one.

The problem is DH doesn’t appreciate it. He still says the kitchen looks “old” and can’t see the point of me spending a few hundred pounds making it nicer. He hasn’t lifted a finger to help because he doesn’t do DIY, won’t ask FIL (apparently he will be critical because the panelling on the cabinets isn’t quite right) or his builder friend (friend will likely be “too busy”), so it’s all been left to me. His view is we need a new kitchen/extension, but realistically that’s not happening for at least 5 years. I’d rather make it more liveable now.

What’s making me doubt myself is other people’s reactions. A wealthy friend came round and just said, “so much change!” but not that it looked nice. MIL commented on how hard I’d worked rather than how good it looked. My mum loved it and thought a new tap, sink and dishwasher would make a big difference (and she went straight out and bought all of these for me) but she’s also my mum so not that objective. Now I’m worrying I’ve just “polished a turd” and made the kitchen worse, whereas I genuinely feel it’s a big improvement.

Here are the before and (nearly) after photos. They may take a while to load. Be brutally honest — have I done a decent job for a DIY upgrade, or does it look as bad as DH, friend and MIL seem to think? I’m worried I’m embarrassing myself by being so pleased with my efforts.

YABU - I agree with your DH, friend and MIL
YANBU - It looks nice!

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
sweetpea85 · 22/08/2025 12:02

Your ‘d’h is the turd not the kitchen! Awesome work.

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 22/08/2025 12:02

I very rarely post , but you have done exactly what I have done / would do. It looks miles better , is it a brand new kitchen , well no , but you have very cleverly worked with what you have and put in masses of time / effort/ thought and the result is fab !!!

Its the "easy" option ( in many ways) to just get someone in to do it ( not that you have that option anyway) you've done the hard option.

shame on your DH , my exh was like this , wouldn't lift a finger to sort something unless it could be , in his eyes, "perfect" but then criticises what I did when nothing else was being done.

For instance , new tiles was the best option for my bathroom , but I've had painted tile / used tile stickers for years and I'm happy with it. does my bathroom it look as good as it could ? , no, does it look miles better than it did ? , yes.

its brilliant what you have done.

Gettingfitorbust · 22/08/2025 12:02

Great job OP, it looks really good.
We cleaned up our quarry tiles when we took up vinyl, it was a lot of work but I was really pleased with the result.

Agapornis · 22/08/2025 12:02

It looks great! Well done.
You could rehang the doors that won't close properly - replace the hinges with soft close ones, they're not that expensive. Looks like you have 15 cabinets? They sell 20 hinges for less than £40 and you only need 1 per door.

Don't get a new kitchen, get a divorce from your lazy, incompetent, unappreciative husband.

TheBeesTrees · 22/08/2025 12:02

I agree with the others that the window area needs softening, either a blind or maybe a shelf above with trailing plants if you don't want a blind. The tiles will be fab too!

You should be so proud of yourself for doing all of that!

Tabitha005 · 22/08/2025 12:03

You've done a fabulous job, OP!

Instead of a blind, I'd hang some lightweight cafe curtains on a pole you can adhere to the window reveal with adhesive... however, you're clearly super-handy, so treating yourself to a spanking new super-drill that can handle anything you throw at it will never be money badly spent.

And, when I'd got the drill, I'd also put up a shelf over the window to put plants on.

As far as the quarry tiles are concerned, try some patio cleaning solution on them or paint over them with garage floor paint.

Hotmess101 · 22/08/2025 12:03

So confused by people suggesting putting lino over gorgeous terracotta tiles - am I missing something?? We’re about to rip our nasty plastic stuff out and have bought tiles to replace it with?!

@Malahala you have done an amazing job. I’m awful at looking closely at details so may have missed the odd patch job or wonky door but to me it looks great!

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 22/08/2025 12:03

We have always had to buy homes that needed work and that means not putting us into more debt and doing what we can, when we can afford it, so we can now decorate, tile, plumbing, woodwork, change blown glazing units.... so we've done the same, rubbed and scrubbed, painted and glued and that includes painting kitchen units!! You've done a great job and given the kitchen a happy face. I happily live with 'stuff' that needs updating, to avoid stressing about money and a house is more than the fittings, it's how you live in it. Great job.

Giggorata · 22/08/2025 12:03

EuclidianGeometryFan · 22/08/2025 11:40

So what was your DH doing whilst you were doing all this work?
Did he take on all the routine housework? Cook the meals whilst you were working on the house?
Or is he just a lazy whinger?

What would have been his actual solution? Magic up the money? He gets a second job to pay for the kitchen he wants? Or does he just dump his complaining onto you and expect you to work miracles? Does he think you should have got a second job? Taken out a big loan?
Does he actually come up with positive suggestions or is he one of those people who is just a drain on everyone else?

Sit him down and have it out with him. You should not put up with this.

Agree with the above thoughts.👆🏻
You've done an amazing job and all those hours of work have paid off.
It looks smashing!
I know what it's like trying to do a place up a bit on a shoestring budget and you have to be creative and resourceful - as you have been. And also remember that Rome wasn't built in a day… sometimes you just have to do a bit here and there.
Your husband is being very negative and unkind.h

Titasaducksarse · 22/08/2025 12:03

It looks great but I couldn't cope with the doors not hanging properly. You've definitely refreshed it.
We moved into a house where the kitchen had been put in a dodgy lean to utility to create more living space.
12 months we coped with this whilst we saved and then had an extension. We had no oven so looked on Gumtree and picked one up for £5! Honestly how we managed in what literally was a few units and sink cobbled together but we did! I miss those days of making do then seeing the fruits of your labour. Literally in my case as OH fitted the new kitchen lol

Smallsalt · 22/08/2025 12:03

Both your before and after are better than my kitchen!
You have done a great job.

NCReceptor · 22/08/2025 12:03

It looks wonderful - you should be so proud of yourself. Ask your FIL yourself - I think he will be gruff but secretly chuffed to help too - and proud of that you have done.

Letsbe · 22/08/2025 12:04

Its your husband needs renovating now you have done the kitchen,

Aperolspritzoclock · 22/08/2025 12:05

That is fantastic .I wouldnt know where to begin - our kitchen desperately needs updating but I wouldnt have a clue how.You should be so proud of the improvement> Well done!

Mauvehoodie · 22/08/2025 12:06

Mewling · 22/08/2025 12:01

The kitchen looks fantastic. Your DH is the real problem, he sounds enormously entitled and obviously used to getting his own way. I think the kitchen is a mask for what’s really going on here.

I totally agree with this.

I think you've done such an amazing job - I'm now eyeing my horrific kitchen wondering if I can pull off such a feat!

I can't believe how mean spirited and unsupportive your DH is being. Like he wants to bring down your achievements. If he says anything I'd respond "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all..." with a stern look. Or just say "well, I love it so I'm super happy I put all that hard work in!" with a big smile and walk away. Keep reminding yourself how much YOU love it, don't let him bash down your achievements. You should be really proud of yourself.

Surely your FIL has seen the kitchen anyway? Maybe next time he's round you could just ask his advice about how to rehang the doors and he might swoop in and offer to do them?

TroysMammy · 22/08/2025 12:06

I'd be very happy about that, nothing wrong with it. It's a decent job and marked improvement with your skills and budget.

If your DH wants different either does it himself or he works more to fund it for professionals to do it.

Vaxtable · 22/08/2025 12:08

It’s a good job.

Horrace · 22/08/2025 12:08

You've done a cracking job.
We can't always have everything we want in one go. What you have done is the sensible option and your kitchen looks lovely. Dont let other peoples negativity get you down. Miserable lazy fuckers. I bet your husband is just embarrassed that he couldnt do it. Be proud of yourself.
Well done.

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 22/08/2025 12:10

A "stop gap" solution for the doors would be a small nail hammered into just under where the door closes against the cabinet. When closing the door you basically just "lift" it up onto this nail so the bottom corner of the door is supported.

It doesn't have to be very big and is only seen if you really look for it.

If a small nail is an issue with DC in the house then glue/ screw on a very small bit of wood, paint it the cabinet colour. You soon get used to the "lift" when closing the door and it really does make a difference.

FigTreeInEurope · 22/08/2025 12:11

Lovely job that. It looks miles better. You can't expect it to be perfect if you're without experience. I rebuilt our house in Italy including a new roof and extension, all without previous experience. You get it wrong, until you get it right! It's an obvious improvement and shows you can work stuff out as you go along. Personally, I'd be embarrassed if my wife had done that, to that standard, and I hadn't lifted a finger. It's his house too.

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 22/08/2025 12:11

I can’t believe that your DH didn’t lift a finger and then moaned at you. And the FIL sounds a joy too.

You sound way too resigned to your DH acting like a prick. Adults generally need to accept the situation they’re in (and have at least partly put themselves in) and muck in to make the best of it.

Raise your bar, OP. Apart from anything else what is it teaching your kids about relationships?

latetothefisting · 22/08/2025 12:12

Minxny · 22/08/2025 11:18

You've done a brilliant job. Your husband should just be saying "thank you". It belongs to a different decade. I wonder if the floor is maybe a bit marmite hence the mixed reviews?

If the cabinets are annoying you and cash allows, you could get a handy person to come and straighten them for you. It wouldn't take long/cost much and depending how wonky they are (photo doesn't show) it might help them feel more "expensive".

yes, if I put my hand up to cover the floor it looks absolutely amazing, but when looking at it as a whole I think the 'after' actually looks worse (sorry!), the red floor just looks completely different to everything else, making the whole kitchen looks unfinished. At least the 'before' was a cohesive albeit very dated kitchen where everything matched even if it didn't look good.

It would have been good to see the old flooring with everything else.

If you can put new fake wood flooring down (in a shade to match the vinyl wrapped countertops) I think it will look really good, and would absolutely believe it was a new kitchen.

I do agree with everyone else that your DH is a knob though. Rather than moaning at you, what does he actually want to do? Saying 'I want a brand new kitchen done by professionals' doesn't actually solve anything. Either he starts finding a way to make more money to get that done, or stops whining and works out a compromise rather than watching his wife slave away and then moan about the end result.

FatherFrosty · 22/08/2025 12:14

I think it looks great. You’ve done a brilliant job. Well done.

Badger17 · 22/08/2025 12:14

You bought a house you couldn’t really afford so the pair of you will just have to make do. I suspect your DH isn’t happy with this and wasn’t keen on the purchase from the outset.

Houses are no longer an investment. They are somewhere to live. You won’t make money out of them.

I would never stretch to purchase a house that needed work doing. The cost of decent refurbishment is huge and on the current economic situation you have a depreciating asset.

Maloobu · 22/08/2025 12:15

I think it looks great OP. You've given me inspiration to add our kitchen to our to do list.

I've recently done quite a big DIY job at home (and a lot of smaller ones) and my husband is basically mute on it. Its amazing imo, its saved us an absolute fortune and looks 100% better than what was there.
But hes let slip accidentally on his feelings on it - its making him feel bad that I did it and he didnt. He looks bad in front of family and friends, less manly because he can't do DIY.
That was all OK when none of us did DIY, but me doing it has bruised the fragile male ego.

I couldn't give a shit tbh. My two girls want to be a builder like Mummy. He'll just have to get over himself.