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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover

664 replies

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:06

We moved into our house almost a year ago. It hadn’t been updated in 40 years, but it’s in a great area, between two outstanding schools, and we managed to get it for £200k less than asking as the seller needed a quick sale. It’s a 4-bed with 2 bathrooms, 2 receptions, a separate kitchen and a utility room. It’s a fantastic investment and I still feel lucky to own it.

The reality is we maxed ourselves out buying it, so there’s no money left for big renovations or an extension. My DH doesn’t like the house — he would have preferred a “done” house — but we couldn’t afford that in this area and didn’t want to move elsewhere. His attitude is that everything should be done by professionals, but we can’t afford that either.

So over the past year I’ve been doing most of the work myself: stripping wallpaper, painting, redecorating etc. Recently I tackled the 40-year-old kitchen. We can’t afford new units, so I added panelling to the cupboard doors and painted them, replaced the cabinet handles, removed the lino as it was damaged, stripped wallpaper, painted the walls and the orange tiles, covered the worst tiles with panelling, and wrapped the worktops in vinyl. It’s not perfect — some of the cupboards don’t hang completely straight and need adjusting — but the difference is huge. Instead of a 40-year-old kitchen, it now looks more like a 10-year-old one.

The problem is DH doesn’t appreciate it. He still says the kitchen looks “old” and can’t see the point of me spending a few hundred pounds making it nicer. He hasn’t lifted a finger to help because he doesn’t do DIY, won’t ask FIL (apparently he will be critical because the panelling on the cabinets isn’t quite right) or his builder friend (friend will likely be “too busy”), so it’s all been left to me. His view is we need a new kitchen/extension, but realistically that’s not happening for at least 5 years. I’d rather make it more liveable now.

What’s making me doubt myself is other people’s reactions. A wealthy friend came round and just said, “so much change!” but not that it looked nice. MIL commented on how hard I’d worked rather than how good it looked. My mum loved it and thought a new tap, sink and dishwasher would make a big difference (and she went straight out and bought all of these for me) but she’s also my mum so not that objective. Now I’m worrying I’ve just “polished a turd” and made the kitchen worse, whereas I genuinely feel it’s a big improvement.

Here are the before and (nearly) after photos. They may take a while to load. Be brutally honest — have I done a decent job for a DIY upgrade, or does it look as bad as DH, friend and MIL seem to think? I’m worried I’m embarrassing myself by being so pleased with my efforts.

YABU - I agree with your DH, friend and MIL
YANBU - It looks nice!

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
queenofthebongo · 22/08/2025 16:11

I love it. I would maybe seal the gorgeous floor tiles though to deepen the colour and make them easier to clean. Well done!

Londonmummy66 · 22/08/2025 16:11

I think that is impressive. I'd approach FIL directly and explain that you've done what you can but that there are a few things you'd really appreciate his help with. I'm sure he'd be happy to be asked to help. Just bite your tongue if he is critical of the finish at any point and ask for tips on how to do it in future.

You do have a DH problem and I think the only way to deal with that is to sit him down and have a firm talk. Tell him that he needs to cough up or shut up and come up with a plan to raise the money for the extension....

LBFseBrom · 22/08/2025 16:12

I think you've done jolly well, don't know what he is complaining about because it looks nice. It does not look old to me, it's normal. Fashions in decor change frequently, who can keep up with them? I don't think it's worth bothering.

Tell him you had can have it revamped in a few years, when you've both saved a bit of money and that he has no reason to moan, you're not in competition with anyone.

What garnerchic said above.

heartsinvisiblefury · 22/08/2025 16:13

It looks amazing!!!

Chairings · 22/08/2025 16:14

Amazing job.
Your husband sounds like a dim twit.
You lost money on the last house after SEVEN years.....his choice.....you think he'd learn🙄.

You picked up a bargin for £200k less in a fab area.

Location is everything with children.
You sound so resourceful.

Pity about the dud husband holding you back.
I'd get the Ick for such an unappreciative whiney man.

YourTipsyDog · 22/08/2025 16:17

You’ve done a brilliant job, well done! You should be really proud of yourself :)

EmilieDuChatelet · 22/08/2025 16:18

I think your kitchen make-over looks fab. Can't believe your DH isn't supportive. Does he want to be miserable about the state of the room - is that his angle? Anyway, enjoy your kitchen space.😃

FunnyThing2 · 22/08/2025 16:19

Looks amazing!

Sugargliderwombat · 22/08/2025 16:19

I wonder if your husband feels emasculated that youve done such a great job.

notomato · 22/08/2025 16:21

Honestly, it looks great. So much better than the before photo. Hanging cupboard doors straight is a pain and I hate doing it but it's not that hard, ask someone if they can show you (if you've got a local hardware shop, they might be happy to chat with you about it) or have a look on YouTube for some "how to" videos.

ForNoisyCat · 22/08/2025 16:22

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:06

We moved into our house almost a year ago. It hadn’t been updated in 40 years, but it’s in a great area, between two outstanding schools, and we managed to get it for £200k less than asking as the seller needed a quick sale. It’s a 4-bed with 2 bathrooms, 2 receptions, a separate kitchen and a utility room. It’s a fantastic investment and I still feel lucky to own it.

The reality is we maxed ourselves out buying it, so there’s no money left for big renovations or an extension. My DH doesn’t like the house — he would have preferred a “done” house — but we couldn’t afford that in this area and didn’t want to move elsewhere. His attitude is that everything should be done by professionals, but we can’t afford that either.

So over the past year I’ve been doing most of the work myself: stripping wallpaper, painting, redecorating etc. Recently I tackled the 40-year-old kitchen. We can’t afford new units, so I added panelling to the cupboard doors and painted them, replaced the cabinet handles, removed the lino as it was damaged, stripped wallpaper, painted the walls and the orange tiles, covered the worst tiles with panelling, and wrapped the worktops in vinyl. It’s not perfect — some of the cupboards don’t hang completely straight and need adjusting — but the difference is huge. Instead of a 40-year-old kitchen, it now looks more like a 10-year-old one.

The problem is DH doesn’t appreciate it. He still says the kitchen looks “old” and can’t see the point of me spending a few hundred pounds making it nicer. He hasn’t lifted a finger to help because he doesn’t do DIY, won’t ask FIL (apparently he will be critical because the panelling on the cabinets isn’t quite right) or his builder friend (friend will likely be “too busy”), so it’s all been left to me. His view is we need a new kitchen/extension, but realistically that’s not happening for at least 5 years. I’d rather make it more liveable now.

What’s making me doubt myself is other people’s reactions. A wealthy friend came round and just said, “so much change!” but not that it looked nice. MIL commented on how hard I’d worked rather than how good it looked. My mum loved it and thought a new tap, sink and dishwasher would make a big difference (and she went straight out and bought all of these for me) but she’s also my mum so not that objective. Now I’m worrying I’ve just “polished a turd” and made the kitchen worse, whereas I genuinely feel it’s a big improvement.

Here are the before and (nearly) after photos. They may take a while to load. Be brutally honest — have I done a decent job for a DIY upgrade, or does it look as bad as DH, friend and MIL seem to think? I’m worried I’m embarrassing myself by being so pleased with my efforts.

YABU - I agree with your DH, friend and MIL
YANBU - It looks nice!

I think you e done an amazing job!! Your ‘new kitchen’ looks clean and inviting. I too have a 40 year old kitchen and it won’t be upgraded properly for 5+ years - I was wondering how to tackle it. Your post is an inspiration to me, so thank you 🙏

RosenWilloughby · 22/08/2025 16:23

Is this a wind up because the after looks seriously fantastic. Are they jealous of your ability and is your DH ashamed he had no part in the transformation?

Libertysparkle · 22/08/2025 16:23

I think it's fantastic. I hope you feel happy when you walk into it. An amazing job!

dietstartstmoz · 22/08/2025 16:26

It looks fabulous and your DH can obviously see that. Does he just not want to give you the credit?

We desperately need a new kitchen too. You have done a fabulous make over.

Needanadultgapyear · 22/08/2025 16:30

There is a lot to unpack:

  1. last time round you went with his choice of house and when you came to move you lost money. This maybe compounded with him looking at the house value in 2021 or 2022 and thinking the he would make money.
  2. This time round you have gone with your choice which is not ‘perfect’.
  3. There is no money to make the house perfect even though it was a bargain. There is no plan yet as to when the house can be perfect.
  4. He doesn’t do DIY, his Dad does and his wife does.
  5. You wanted another baby he didn’t and he finally admitted this to you in the horse buying process.

Sounds like he needs some tough love, the house is what it is, you are working your socks off to make it a little bit nicer. He should get over himself and ask his Dad for help, but he is embarrassed as you have done all the work so far.
He needs to work out a plan as to when and how you can afford the new extension and kitchen.
He needs to realise what a diamond he married who can roll her sleeves and work very hard to do so much work.

deelishiS0 · 22/08/2025 16:31

You’re an amazing woman! You’re doing great. This really resonates with me as I have a 40 year old house we bought last year, great area etc but we are doing it together painting etc he’s doing bigger jobs that need doing.

I really feel for you, so hard moving house to renovate and then having to do it on your own. You sound lovely he doesn’t know how lucky he is! How are you going to keep going with his attitude and lack of support?

TimeForATerf · 22/08/2025 16:33

Bloody hell OP, bravo! What an amazing job you should be so proud, your twat of a husband is obviously jealous of your talent xx

InTheRW · 22/08/2025 16:35

I don’t know you OP but I am proud of you!!

ConstitutionHill · 22/08/2025 16:37

It looks way better. Well done. It's true the cabinet doors don't hang quite level and having tried to adjust mine, it's not so easy. That would make a big difference though if you could go on YT and work out how to do it.

PrissyGalore · 22/08/2025 16:37

I think the after looks fantastic compared to before! Do t worry about people not crying out how fantastic it is-they may think it’s just obvious. To me the one who said so much change sounds pretty impressed! You’ve done a great job but don’t overthink people’s reactions.

HideousKinky · 22/08/2025 16:39

Great job OP! Your DH should be ashamed of himself for being so unappreciative when you've made such an improvement, with no help from him, on a very small budget. He should be proud & grateful to be married to someone willing to put time & effort into something that he's not prepared to do himself

Mirabai · 22/08/2025 16:39

I much prefer the new kitchen to your husband I have to say.

Terriblytwee · 22/08/2025 16:40

It’s really lovely! You’ve done brilliantly.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/08/2025 16:42

Its difficult to tell from photos like that because we can't see what the finish is like, but from what I can see it looks like you did a good job! I think the lighting looks too harsh and changing the light fitting could really lift it. Maybe one of those big copper pendant lights?

Nevereatcardboard · 22/08/2025 16:43

Does your husband realise he is lucky you aren’t divorcing him as you want another child? (I know it’s not what the thread is about)

The kitchen looks much better - so much brighter!