To be shocked women still try to stop aging?

[jillyiam]

With alllll the progress we've made within the feminism movement, why is trying to look younger (neck aging, face-lifts, longer hair is 'youthful') still a thing.

Every being is aging right, why do women still carry the shame of it? Being told you look even three years younger is actually intended and received as a compliment.

If we all collectively shun this shit, the industry that forces us to buy its crap, we'll be so much better off. Mentally, financially everything really.

One of my dear friends has had botox for work. She is a smart woman at director level for mid-sized businesses, with decades of experience, but as she pointed out "there are no middle-aged women in my industry, only young people and middle aged men". I don't judge her for it, but I feel sad for her that this is still the expectation.

It's because a) we are living much longer b) women want to stay in the workforce for longer c) culture has continued to become more visual d) it makes money.

I am not a special snowflake. But I don’t have procedures because I think I look pretty good aged 52😏 I don’t need them!

I read on here once that there are two choices. To look older or to look weird. I am inclined to agree.

Yes exactly. My husband is going to get a hair transplant when his hair reaches a certain point. Why not, if we can comfortably afford it?

When will we all look back at paying money to inject literal toxin into our faces to stop us looking our age and be horrified.

Never! I'm that special kind of snowflake that resists that shit 🤷🏾‍♀️.

On there reverse, the young women with a face full of fillers and those dead spider eyelashes always look 20 years older!

I came of age in the 90's and having a puffy face was not desirable... but now, it seems, looking kind of plump to the point of hangover-bloat is sexy!

I think it’s an important topic. We aren’t talking about a bit of lipstick. We are talking about some women feeling pressurised to inject stuff into their faces and lips to look ‘good’.

I am relieved that my kids and their friends (early 20s) have not fallen victim to start this stuff early. They are busy with university, hobbies, grad jobs etc and do not emulate this look at all. The opposite in fact; they dislike the Love Island look. But my daughter (21) said when she is 50, will everyone be having botox and will there be anyone left ageing normally here? It’s a valid question.

I do not think having procedures to your face to look younger is the way to go. Whilst the OP is goady, I think the rise of cosmetic procedures needs to be discussed. It’s not about ‘slagging off women’. Not for me anyway.

Nobody forces us to buy anything. 🙄

We do it because WE think younger looks better, so WE wear make up to hide what our face really looks like. We get surgery so we can appear to look younger than we really are. We wear padded bras to make our boobs look bigger because WE think it looks better. We wear fake eyelashes because WE think it looks better. We get chemicals injected into our face and lips because WE think the results of makes us look more attractive.

WE do it. Nobody forces us to do it. We don't do it for the men. Men don't force us, and contrary to the Mumsnet Massive hive mind, most men think it looks awful and would prefer us without all the added crap.

We just think that youth is better, which it is. Who wants to be old and wrinkly?

But ageing is inevitable, still doesnt stop us trying to put it off for as long as we can.

If you can tell they've had it done its a bad job.
I can guarantee there's women out there who have expert work done and you wouldnt know.

Quite odd that you first ask why women have stuff done, and then call them special snowflake for not getting anything done.
Anyway I am 53 and will never be tweaking my face. Happy as I am.

For me the sadness lies not in the fact that people use methods to try and look younger but that society tells us younger is better.

Some cultures value, older women with far more respect than we do in the West. I don't know if they have the same pressures?

I went to buy some new glasses, I would have liked to have browsed in peace but a man and women ,staff members, wanted to assist.

They were both trying to get me to try some multi coloured glasses, so the arms were red and the main part blue for example.

They repeatedly told me ‘they will make you look younger’ like they had discovered the fountain of youth was wearing Timmy Mallets cast offs.

In the end, I asked them why I had to look younger? Honestly, they both acted like I had said something embarrassing and almost subversive.

I agree that women are still expected to constantly be trying to perform being younger. Bizarre and a waste of time

I'm sure you do too ☺️

I am from such a culture. No one in my family has had anything done, so yeah, much easier to resist. My 80 year old mum looks great in my eyes, just as she is

Its what happens when you live in a youth worshipping culture and instead of seeing that (generally speaking) with age comes wisdom, there seems to be this belief thst the older you get, the less you know about anything and the less you are worth or valued.

It seems shallow, like all that matters is a smooth face but I think thats just hiding the truth which is fear of death.

I agree with you in principle, but I’m surprised you are shocked. There are few things I find less shocking.

It's very complex. I think it's perfectly natural to want to look and feel your best, but billions are spent on advertising things to women. It's impossible then to be truly objective about what 'your best' is or should be.
I wouldn't like my daughters to get fillers or botox because we don't really know the long term effects of them. Doctors used to advise people to smoke. I believe that beauty treatments are researched to the degree that gets them approved for use, not researched to the absolute highest standards possible.

I think OP was just trying to pre-empt a thread of 28 pages of anecdotes "well I haven't had anything done and I am 45"

the point being that there is a multi billion dollar industry doing very well so clearly many many women do have stuff done.

one of my favourite things about my skin colour is that visible aging concerns is not a thing for me 🤣 but the physical part (my back 😭) is another story haha

I looked younger for years till I hit peri and had a couple of traumatic experiences, and it aged me overnight.

I had a choice to make, put in a ton of effort to try and look a bit better or just not bother and live my life. I chose the latter. Mainly because I was tired of making the effort and still being treated as "ugly". For years I would make sure my hair looked nice, wore make up, clothes that flattered me. I was naturally slim. But because I was not attractive to begin with, it made very little difference. Men would still make derogatory comments to me. Women not so much, but no one ever said "you look nice" or anything positive. This all hit harder because I'd put in so much effort.

So now my hair is grey, I rarely wear make up, I'm overweight. I wear clothes I like whether they flatter me or not. I'm sure people would think I've "let myself go". I haven't. I've just finally stopped caring what anyone thinks. Making an effort made me feel worse. So I wasn't doing it for me, I was doing it for other people, who never appreciated it anyway. I actually get less negative comments now, probably because no one notices me!

I probably look older than I am now but I don't care. Turning my back on that societal pressure has made me happier than I've ever been.

I know very few women my age (mid fifties) who have any work done. We are friends from university in professional careers. We like going out, getting dressed up and are at the age where we have that inner confidence. Only one women gets botox and her eyelashes done. The rest of us are ageing pretty well and gracefully and without injections. Sorry, beauty industry. Some of us are happily resisting.

I find this discussions quite interesting - while no one should feel pressured into paying money to have procedures done to help keep themselves looking young - I do wonder why others are trying to tell other women what to do? So much for choice!!

Obviously, it is completely different if people are being forced into procedures etc because of societies expectations - but it kind of reminds my of the whole stay at home mother debate - it should be your choice if it makes you feel good no one else's business - end of story!

For me, it’s not about individuals or telling anyone what to do. It’s about society and the legacy we are leaving for the next generation etc. The messaging around these procedures and expectations on women is really important.

I agree it has a significant impact yes, you could also add how you act towards others and self confidence - projecting self confidence, even if false has a massive impact on how others see and treat you.

But - physical attractiveness trumps these from what I’ve seen - particularly in women - think of how many women are desired (in the world of celebrity as well as the real world) and they don’t necessarily speak ‘well’.

I couldn’t care less in what other women do, entirely their choice what they do with their bodies and faces! I just resent the attitude displayed upthread that if you don’t choose to do it, then you don’t take pride in your appearance.