To be shocked women still try to stop aging?

[jillyiam]

With alllll the progress we've made within the feminism movement, why is trying to look younger (neck aging, face-lifts, longer hair is 'youthful') still a thing.

Every being is aging right, why do women still carry the shame of it? Being told you look even three years younger is actually intended and received as a compliment.

If we all collectively shun this shit, the industry that forces us to buy its crap, we'll be so much better off. Mentally, financially everything really.

It's a bizarre comment because it implies everyone is having these things done when it's estimated 1-7% of women are having these procedures.
The strange thing is I know more men than women who are getting it done and it's pretty extreme.

Well aren’t you a delight.

I agree. While reiterating that I believe it’s totally the right of women to do whatever they want with their faces/bodies, if you look at the women entering Love Island for example they often look far older than their years due to the fillers etc. I wonder if that’s the aim?

My DM always looked 10 years younger than her actual age. She wasn't a health nut and was a bit overweight and smoked for a lot of her life. It was mostly her attitude and joie de vivre, and she was healthy until the last few months of her life. My DF had a resting grumpy face which made him look older. Though he was always a fit man and he had absolutely lovely skin, he would have looked younger had he smiled a bit more!

Maybe having things done makes women feel better. What's wrong with taking care how you look. Theres nothing wrong with doing nothing to your face or going grey. What's not liberating is womtn judging other women for what they do. Each to their own

Perhaps the better starter questions are "Why are older women treated with dismissal, contempt and distain? Why are there special names for us, like old hag/crone? Why do we tell each other that only youth is attractive? Why do we create and perpetuate negative stereotypes for our older selves?" Because when we answer these questions and challenge these attitudes, then your question would likely be superfluous.

I don't want to name the poor girl but there is a great young actress who is only 21 who could be double her age in some pictures and on the red carpet especially. Brow lift, filler, botox- she has erased all the youth from her face.

Let people do what they want it makes them happy.
And tbh all this neddle jabbing just makes them look older.
I dont do any of it i have a good moisturiser and chap stick no makeup.
I dont look my age either.
But its peoples choice.
If women loved themselves more they wouldn't need work done.
Being negative and moaning hating and being a bitch to others will eventually age anyone.
Stop being living like a miserable cow and laugh abit more makes a difference.
Look in the mirror and love whos looking back at you.

I think some people would be surprised at who has these procedures. I get minimum dose Botox every 12-18 months and I go to an upmarket cosmetic clinic. A couple of the receptionists have that overdone Botox/fillers/extensions look that we all know, but in the 5 years I've been going, I've never seen anyone in the waiting room who looked like that. We are all very boring and ordinary looking people. Occasionally there's someone who has severe acne or something so I would make a guess that that's what they're having done (although I don't know, of course), but for the most part it's just very normal looking people like me that you wouldn't look twice at on the street. Surprisingly high number of men, too. The clinic offers a lot of procedures, but statistically, Botox is by far the most popular so I'd guess that's what most people were there for.

I totally expected people to notice my Botox as my 11s were very deep but nobody did, not even my husband or my mother (although I told them later). I think people just thought I looked a bit happier and less tired, which was the plan. I don't look younger, I didn't intend to look younger, I just look like me without a permanent scowl.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having things done to make yourself feel better and I agree that nobody should be judging anyone else. My response was on reply to the poster who was saying that anyone saying they are growing old gracefully is basically lying because we're obviously going to be dyeing our hair and using lots of products. My reply was to say that actually people do exist who don't feel the need to do all that and that alot of people would probably be happier if they didn't feel the pressure to look young

I am not ashamed of being my age and have never lied about it if someone asks (I’m 53). I also have never had botox or fillers nor would I have a face lift. I personally have a philosophy that one can never look ‘young’ again, you can look older or weird because you messed with your face too much. So I choose older. Having said all that, I think women can look beautiful in their age. I take care of my skin, wear makeup, get facials, color my hair and workout regularly. I love my longish hair and buying beautiful clothes. There is a difference between aging well and slavishly trying to look younger. I want to age well. I see a lot of women my age who appear to have given up on their appearance, loke oh I’m not a hot 20 year old anymore so why bother. I think how you look can affect how you feel, and I refuse to go around with dull grey ‘sensible’ hair, practical clothing, and no make up because that’s what older women ‘should’ do.

This is so weird and stupid. It's not political. For the most part people don't want to die. They don't want to move to old age where they are less able and more vulnerable to illness and injury, where their odds of dying in the coming decade increase significantly. And how we look is part of the ageing process. If the person we see in the mirror looks younger, we'll feel younger and feeling younger can be part of having a lower biological age. Because age isn't strictly about how old you are, obviously you have the age you are based on when you were born, but biological age is also real and it's malleable.

I'm late forties, people tend to assume I'm early thirties, part of which is genetics but a larger part of which is my fitness level and biological age. I specifically keep myself aware of what kind of cardiac, strength and mobility a very fit woman in her twenties would have and I work to keep myself there. There are people who pass their hundredth birthdays with fitness levels people a third of their age don't have, and we should all be following their examples for as long as is possible. We don't have control over every aspect of our ageing and our health, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't put in the work where we can. Because ageing and death are inevitable, but early, sustained decline isn't.

When I had a baby a few years ago I never bounced back. I am mid-40s and look much older. I would like to look less haggard if possible but I don’t know where I would start.

What unpleasant posts, @jillyiam. Ironically your own misogyny shines through, along with what sounds remarkably like jealousy towards women who don't have the same desire for a facelift that seems to be eating you up.

If we want freedom to age in a relaxed way we have to fight ageism. At the moment it’s largely unconscious.
moany old people
hag
old lady perfume
blue rinse brigade
Social media hatred toward boomers

start naming agism as hate speech, and given time women will feel free to age gracefully.

Is everyone who says they will age gracefully those people who are ageing well I wonder?
If you're say 45 but look 65 would you feel the same?
Just curious...not out to inflame.

I'd love to hear someone say...'im 50 but regularly mistaken for 65 but im OK with that'

Possibly with Botox, if you already have decent skincare in place. The frown lines from stress and tiredness can bring a face down. There will be lots of advice about using retinols on MN too which are shown to be the most effective topical anti aging, apart from sunscreen of course.

I think the interesting thing is that we all think this is somehow our choice, to fall in line with trying to look younger, be prettier etc. It isn't.

Because these feelings don't exist in isolation, our (extremely patriarchal) society has made us think we need this (to look younger, prettier) because a) you can only sell a beauty product or treatment to someone who is made to feel dissatisfied by their appearance and b) there is very little acceptance of women ageing in general.

Women are discriminated against in all sorts of ways and how they look is one of them. Older women are often portrayed as hags or witches or cows, there's very little portrayal of older women that's positive. Youth is valued over experience at work, in the media, all over the place and women often feel as if they need to conform to be accepted in the world. Look at the opprobrium heaped on the esteemed historian Mary Beard for her hair. Men don't get that to the same extent although I think it is starting to affect them more than it used to.

Although Naomi Wolf has become a bit strange I think her book The Beauty Myth is interesting on this subject.

Quite.

I know you asked the OP, but I’ll bite.

I was told I had some of the worst peri menopausal symptoms my specialist menopause GP had ever seen. She gave me HRT. I took it for a couple of months and it made me feel awful.

I dumped it and got my head down and took up running, weights and Pilates. I changed my diet. I put my health first and 7 years ( it took 6 months to feel better) later I am the fittest I’ve ever been, have good MH, and am the weight I was when I got married. I feel great. I’m now post menopausal and bouncing off the walls.

I think HRT is good for some extreme cases but I see it as a quick go to when other things work better long term.

OP, nobody forces you to buy anything.

I look younger than my age (62) but without buying anything more than UVA protection/moisturiser and a pair of decent running shoes.

I don't drink or smoke, through choice and I cook from scratch.

I run Parkrun, practice martial arts and cycle & swim regularly. It means I am still flexible, fit and full of energy. My posture is upright and natural and I retain my shape. It makes me feel good. Why would I stop?

As a glasses wearer I would left the shop, and taken my business elsewhere . How dare they imply there’s anything wrong with how you look and infer their glasses would be a magic age reversal wand !

This is very reassuring. I'm late 40s and not menopausal yet, but not keen on the idea of HRT. I won't rule it out if it comes to it but I'd prefer not to. I love staying fit and challenging my body, so it's great to know that is enough for some women. I find myself tired and stressed when I don't exercise but energised and positive when I do. I often have friends tell me to ask for HRT if I say I mention being tired but so far it always clears up with exercise.

It's a class thing - if you've got no class, you fill your face with dangerous rubbish 🤷

I am also not keen on HRT so very interested in your approach Autumn. Is there a chance you could start a thread about it, maybe on a less combative board?