MIL constantly buying baby clothes

[Aliolii]

MIL loves buying my DS clothes, she will go on a shopping spree every couple of weeks and buy him loads of stuff, he has more clothes at her house than he does at home. She keeps all the clothes at her house. She has DS one day per week, he is well looked after but she always takes off the outfits I send him in (not impractical just normal stuff from Tesco etc) and puts him in her clothes.

Why does this give me the rage so much? My DH doesn’t understand why it annoys me and I can’t articulate it either! We’re having another baby and she’s already stockpiling clothes for that one to keep ‘at her house’.

I think it's odd, because she is keeping them all at her house rather than giving them to you so that he can get proper use of them. If she has him one day, she doesn't need to have a full wardrobe at her house getting hardly any use before they are outgrown, and keeping them to herself is kind of like she's playing dress up with a doll or something. The clothes should belong to the person who wears them and it's odd that she's keeping them.

Gosh, it's like dress up with a doll.

She'll get bored when she realises he outgrows them quicker than he can wear each garment.

Why she doesn't give them to you is weird.

Is she doing babysitting for this 1 day a week?

@Pancakeflipper yes she babysits 1 day per week as I was only able to get 4 days in nursery and couldn’t reduce my hours. I know it’s a huge favour and he’s well looked after.

I suspect in some families it would be normal but it would annoy me - not her keeping spare clothes at her house, but changing him unnecessarily out of a perfectly good outfit his parent has chosen just so she can pick his clothes. It would feel somewhere between criticism of my clothing tastes and trying to play at being Mummy to my child. Buying and choosing clothes is for the most part a parental not grandparental role.

If she’s doing you a favour I don’t think you can do much about it though.

Well it’s pretty weird, isn’t it, have such a huge stash of fast-outgrown baby clothes for a baby that only is there one day a week?

It probably also feels like a bit of a veiled insult to you and your DP, in the sense that you don’t know how to put him in outfits like she does. And as pp said, it all is very suggestive of playing dress up.

I bet your DP does get it - but doesn’t want to rock the boat.

Hope you get full-time nursery sorted out eventually. It often makes life emotionally quieter.

Would it annoy as much you if it was your mum?

I'd file this under 'mildly irritating but harmless' and get on with my life.

I hope this will calm down over time.

i also definitely think it’s a win that you don’t have to keep her choice of clothes at your house!

It does sound as if she is playing at being a Mum again, and I can see that’s annoying, but it also isn’t harmful if it’s literally just an unnecessary change of clothes a day. I’d bite your tongue on this.

My mil used to do this and I can’t articulate why it annoyed me either however as DD got older she started sending the clothes to me or DD would want to take them home so it’s now quite useful

Pick your battles!

she is happy. It’s not harmful. You have the childcare you need.

My DM does this for my DB and Dsil kids, it's actually because they have a dog and she's highly allergic and their clothes are always covered in hair. So she changes the girls as soon as they get to her house into something clean, and bags their clothes up for their house. Sil also finds it annoying but doesn't accept the health implications.
Could it be something similar here OP?
Even if not I would find it annoying but it's harmless. It's her money and her time with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think she will gradually calm with age too. At the moment it’s mildly annoying but nothing to stress over. She’s not going to be doing it when he’s 15 so it’s a very temporary situation.

If he’s a baby or toddler you could change his nappy but not bother changing his sleepsuit on the days she has him.

And I can understand your DH not wanting to Rick the boat. She is doing you a huge favour afterall.

As with a pp I’d ask yourself if you’d be so annoyed if it was your
mum and file it under a bit irritating. And let it go. I’m sure it’ll calm down.

Could it be that she doesn't want to ruin the clothes you sent him in? I look after DGC a couple of days a week and have spare clothes here for when we have messy play (which is often!) also useful to have spares in case of accidents.

If, however, you MIL is changing your DS just for fun then that is a bit odd.

My MIL did this. At first I thought it was a bit odd but then I dropped my kids off in pj's and she did all the washing, dressing etc and it helped so much. There are definitely worse things that she could be doing.

My MIL does this too. She changes him and then changes him back before I collect him. It’s not even anything that different to what I send him in. Just different t-shirt & shorts etc. Not always, but sometimes when looking after DS she will post a pic in the family chat and he’s wearing random clothes that iv never seen. soo weird!

It’s ‘claiming’ behaviour…

if a kid gets dirty and needs clean clothes that’s fine to change them into spares - but to change a child out of mums choice and put on grannies choice for no reason is really weird and I wouldn’t like it at all - it’s inappropriate and overstepping boundaries between parenting and grand parenting.

It gives her pleasure and presumably you are getting a day’s free childcare? I don’t see a problem.

I don’t know if it would annoy me if it was my mum because she wouldn’t do it! She does sometimes buy clothes for DS but gives them to me with the receipts in case I want to change them.

*rock the boat. Not sure who Rick is…

My gran used to this (also the mil) and it used to piss my mum off too! It’s like they are playing dress up, it’s a baby not a doll. I think it’s weird too. It would annoy me but if she’s helping out while ur working I certainly wouldn’t say anything. Just have the silent rage 😆

She wants to dress your child to her taste, not her place to do this, she had her chance to do this with her own child/children. It would annoy me too.

She loves your child and gets enjoyment from buying clothes and dressing him in them. I wouldn’t let it bother me.

Urgh. What a waste of money. I would feel offended that she thought I wasn't dressing him well enough, although in reality it's probably just "to her taste", but i think the rage would be because she's treating him like a little toy, dressing him up etc. Does she change him back into your clothes? Just roll your eyes and ignore, it's not worth it.

This.

I never understand this opposition to “playing dress-up.” Don’t we all play dress-up with our babies? I know I did!