MIL constantly buying baby clothes

[Aliolii]

MIL loves buying my DS clothes, she will go on a shopping spree every couple of weeks and buy him loads of stuff, he has more clothes at her house than he does at home. She keeps all the clothes at her house. She has DS one day per week, he is well looked after but she always takes off the outfits I send him in (not impractical just normal stuff from Tesco etc) and puts him in her clothes.

Why does this give me the rage so much? My DH doesn’t understand why it annoys me and I can’t articulate it either! We’re having another baby and she’s already stockpiling clothes for that one to keep ‘at her house’.

I have spares at my house but I only use them if the GC get their clothes dirty.

Maybe, she just misses having a baby and likes the outfits, I would just send DS over in PJ's and let her dress him in what she has.

Does she change him back into his original clothes before he goes home?

As GPs we look after our grandchildren quite a lot and they stay in the school holidays but only 2 at a time. Yes I have spare clothes here but just a couple of changes each plus loads of pjs, underwear, socks, sunhats etc. It is so my children don’t have to bring spares. If the grandchildren stay for a few days they will bring clothes with them. The grandchildren always want to look through what clothes we have and if they like something then they take it home with them. We go through quite a lot of pjs as they usually change into them before they go home as they will probably fall asleep in the car. Any clothes go home with them stay there.
My children are quite happy with this arrangement but OP, I do see where you are coming from. I probably looks as though your MIL wants your child to have a separate existence at her house.

Is the problem more that you think it's weird and wasteful and would prefer her to just give you the clothes so he can wear them any time, or that you actively dislike the style of clothes she is dressing him in?

If the former then I'd just shrug and file it under "mildly irritating" as PP said, while accepting that she's trying to have the fun of choosing outfits for him without imposing them on you (the re-dressing him in your original choice of outfit before he goes home is probably well-intentioned). If the latter I'd ask DH to ask her nicely to leave him in the clothes he's come in.

I think if she had spare clothes (even in access) at hers and changed him into them only when he got dirty you would probably be fine with it. It’s the changing him unnecessarily straight away that’s the issue.

For me at least that has a sense of her acting like the baby is hers. When he’s not. He’s yours (and your partner’s of course). And your mother feathers are up, pissed off, and in protective/ownership mode. At the same time all she’s doing is changing his clothes, so it’s difficult to tell her to stop. You’ll look like the petty one.

You have my sympathy. I think you might have to learn to let this one go. There might be bigger issues in future to raise.

good luck.

Does have the feeling of wanting a doll to dress up.

But I think I'd as others suggest, drop off in pyjamas/onesie to reduce the number of outfits a day?

I came her to say literally, send him in his pj's.

Are you getting back the outfits you dress him in when you pick him up?

I think I'd ask her for next week's outfit when I pick him up. Say it's a shame having to change him so just give me what you want him to wear. I'd be interested in the reply.

She doesn't like your taste. She sounds like my mother, who once warned me that any children of mine would have separate clothes at her house. She said it's because she'd want friends/neighbours to see them in those and not my choices.

This, I would start putting him in his pyjamas, then you basically have a day's less washing. I do see how it would be annoying but absolutely pick a different battle, she's obviously just a bit over obsessive about her grandchildren and believe me it's far nicer that way than a grandparent who isn't interested!

Surely if she continues to do this as child gets older they might not want to get changed or want to keep whatever she puts them in when they go home. Wonder what will happen then.

It would probably annoy me too, if any grandparent did this, as I would either see it as treating child as a doll or they disapproved of our choice of clothes. However, as giving free childcare I would have to let it pass unless they were very judgy in other areas or the child got distressed with the clothes changing (some babies are more sensitive to this than others)

I’d find it a bit annoying, mainly because if she only has him 1 day a week then it’s just so unnecessary. My gran is obsessed with buying/knitting clothes for our daughter & baby on the way but she gives them to us so that they actually get worn & used!

But then my MIL has never so much as bought our daughter a slice of toast, she couldn’t even tell you what size clothes she wears and last time we spoke thought I was due with my second child 3 whole months after I’m actually due so actually if she showed this much interest and actually wanted to be this involved it would be lovely.

Ask her why, I would (in a friendly way!)

Very weird but harmless.
You are saving on childcare and washing.

Try to find the funny side of it.
Maybe collect photos of DS in Granny's clothes to make a book for his 21st birthday - and you will all laugh and laugh.

In a couple of years you could ask if MIL has any baby clothes to donate for charity.

Just let her get on with it be grateful that she cares enough about your child to put clothes on him
My mum wants babysat my three week old and forgot to give a bottle for pretty much the entire duration. She was there nearly 24 hours.
Apparently, she didn’t cry but then she wouldn’t. She was in a bloody coma almost.

It’s an expression of her love for your ds. It’s only one day a week so I’d just let it go. Shrug and smile.
Tbh, I’d prefer she put some of the money spent on clothes into some sort of savings account but it’s her money. A bit wasteful though.

I think she's gotten over excited 😌.

Grandmothers do tend to do that , especially over a first grandchild. It's cute in a way...

It's odd that she doesn't give the clothes to you but keeps them at her house .

I wonder if she just enjoys playing "dress up the baby ".

I get why you find it irritating. I would too to be honest. But once he gets older and more grandchildren come along, my guess is she'll calm down and all the excessive clothes buying will cease.

My MIL (she's an odd character bless her 😵‍💫) is very socially awkward and somewhat underdeveloped maturity wise. Anyway, babies were her thing (particularly boys 🙄) and when our children were born she was very obsessive and suffocating. She nearly broke me 😭.

Once the kids hit 6/7 she literally lost all interest overnight. Lives in ridiculously close proximity and barely sees them and takes very little interest. Seems to me she liked it when they were "cute" and easy to manipulate but didn't like it once they were able to start talking and thinking ! 🥴

I was going to suggest this. Send him in his pyjamas. If she’s going to do it, you might as well take advantage. One less job in the morning and one less outfit to wash.

Meh, seems foible that does no harm. She is sending him back in his own clothes.

and he’s probably messing up her clothes and saving yours. It’s weird but In the grand scheme of things not a big deal and nothing wrong with him have spare clothes at his nans

So wasteful and mean with the clothing.
She's a controlling MIL, prepare yourself for the future challenges.

I have to know what you responded to that!

My mother was like this, except she is obsessed with girls instead of boys. Lost all interest once they started walking/talking (funnily enough NO GRANDMA was one of DD's earliest phrases). She actually told me at one point that she likes babies but doesn't really like children because they're boring.

I told her she was insane, but it's a moot point because I've ended up not having children😂
She'd have been the one to suffer because I wouldn't have allowed her to stress out my children about clothes the way she did me. So concerned with other people's opinions and so old fashioned. One opinion being "Babies should wear only white or cream until they're 2 years old."
Ok Mum...

I would find this annoying - and would still find it annoying if it was my mum doing it.

My mum does this with toys actually. She has more toys for DS at her house than we have at home. She is also always buying him extra toys and clothes. For example , she visited us 2 weeks ago and brought 2 new Lego sets; we visited her last week and she wanted to give him another 2 sets, plus 2 large toy cars with buttons and lights (we said no). When he was a baby she would buy him lots of new clothes too.

It really annoys me for a whole bunch of reasons:

• DS now has the expectation that seeing her means new toys and is looking for them when he sees her. Then he is overexcited and doesn't play with things as well (wants to open it all, gets everything out, gets overwhelmed about how to choose what to do). So she's almost undermining her own relationship with him because it's more transactional and they get less time really playing and doing stuff together. And DH and I have to manage the associated overwhelmed/stressed child behaviour.

• DH and I also like to buy the odd thing for DS, but we can't do that as much, because we need to manage the sheer volume of toys/plastic clutter/mixed up Lego sets/mess and also DS's expectations around new stuff so that he doesn't get spoiled. We're quite strict on what he can bring home with him, but that means she is wasting so much money on things that are barely played with (yes it's her choice, but still frustrating, particularly as she is not really well off). Similarly with clothes, if she buys all the clothes he needs, we don't get the pleasure of choosing things for him ourselves.
• We have to be so strict about what she gets him for birthdays/Christmas (especially if we travel to see them) because otherwise there would just be too much stuff. And again that cuts down what we can get. And doesn't feel that special because she gets him so much stuff anyway.

It ends up feeling like our family and DS are there to entertain her - through buying things for him, even when it's not what we need/want and isn't always in his best interests. And it winds me up that I have talked to her about this several times and suggested alternatives and talked about why it's not helpful. So she knows we don't like it. But she does it anyway and just looks guilty/sheepish when she gets something else out of her bag for him. So then I feel like I'm the mean one for saying no.

(Sorry for hijacking the thread with my massive rant!)

It's so shallow isn't it ?

MIL was very jealous/possessive/emotionally immature. She liked to try to get the toddlers to favour her instead of me.

I don't think she liked it when they got old enough to display a bias towards mum (as most children naturally do )

What goes through some people's heads !?