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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL constantly buying baby clothes

154 replies

Aliolii · 21/08/2025 22:12

MIL loves buying my DS clothes, she will go on a shopping spree every couple of weeks and buy him loads of stuff, he has more clothes at her house than he does at home. She keeps all the clothes at her house. She has DS one day per week, he is well looked after but she always takes off the outfits I send him in (not impractical just normal stuff from Tesco etc) and puts him in her clothes.

Why does this give me the rage so much? My DH doesn’t understand why it annoys me and I can’t articulate it either! We’re having another baby and she’s already stockpiling clothes for that one to keep ‘at her house’.

OP posts:
realsavagelike · 22/08/2025 19:21

I'm surprised that so many people think this is ok. It's massively overstepping and controlling and I would do my best to shut it down.

MrJumpyLegs · 22/08/2025 21:18

My MIL did this too - changed DD’s clothes to ones she had bought, which I had never seen and would never see her actually wearing.

At the time home photo printers were all the rage - I have a wealth of pics of baby DD wearing clothes that I have not seen before or since.

I can’t quite explain but at a time when I was going back to work, I was very grateful for the childcare but also felt enough like I was losing my grip on my baby without also losing the ability to choose what she wore.

nearly 20 years later I don’t care at all. But at the time it was hard.

Wildefish · 22/08/2025 22:24

CurlewKate · 22/08/2025 08:31

I never understand this opposition to “playing dress-up.” Don’t we all play dress-up with our babies? I know I did!

But it’s not her baby.

AJLOAL · 22/08/2025 22:54

BunnyRuddington · 22/08/2025 07:53

*rock the boat. Not sure who Rick is…Blush

🤣

Itstheshowgirl · 22/08/2025 23:15

Wildefish · 22/08/2025 22:24

But it’s not her baby.

Show quote history

Exactly, I used to love dressing up my babies but MIL had this need to constantly change their outfit regarding of whether it was needed and it drove me mad, she didn’t even buy her own stuff just used to take them upstairs and claim that they had ruined their outfit so needed to be changed, I eventually went snooping in the laundry bin and realised that she was talking shit, the outfits were perfectly clean she just wanted to play with the babies like they were a doll and change them, gave me the rage and not just because it caused us extra laundry but because babies are not toys.

Cece92 · 22/08/2025 23:24

I don’t think it’s a big issue. She obviously likes spoiling him and buying him new clothes. My mum done the same my DD would stay on a Tuesday night as I was back shift and she would come back in an outfit my mum bought and trust me every Tuesday morning I had a text remind me to put the clothes in her bag 😂

Waspalert · 23/08/2025 00:01

Life’s too short to get het up over something like this. My MIL died when my children were under 5 and I now look back and wish I had been more generous and done less nitpicking over minor issues such as this. Often the older generation have weird ways, but ultimately they just love your children.

Whattodo76 · 23/08/2025 00:03

saraclara · 22/08/2025 07:27

Would it annoy as much you if it was your mum?

I'd file this under 'mildly irritating but harmless' and get on with my life.

Agreed. She's enjoying her grandchildren, let her be.

Doubledenim305 · 23/08/2025 00:26

Aliolii · 22/08/2025 07:12

@Pancakeflipper yes she babysits 1 day per week as I was only able to get 4 days in nursery and couldn’t reduce my hours. I know it’s a huge favour and he’s well looked after.

That's what u need to focus on.
She's obviously very excited and invested in the little ones which is brilliant. Such a help when u need help. Unless she is deliberately horrible to you, id definitely NOT pick any fights with her.
So what if she has millions of clothes for him. Not really a big deal

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/08/2025 00:32

Doubledenim305 · 23/08/2025 00:26

That's what u need to focus on.
She's obviously very excited and invested in the little ones which is brilliant. Such a help when u need help. Unless she is deliberately horrible to you, id definitely NOT pick any fights with her.
So what if she has millions of clothes for him. Not really a big deal

Show quote history

That's all very well.
Why keep the outfits, babies grow so quickly, why not let him wear them home, that's the part that I find controlling.
I doubt he wears each outfit more than once.
It's a slippery slope.

CurlewKate · 23/08/2025 04:35

Wildefish · 22/08/2025 22:24

But it’s not her baby.

Show quote history

No. He is her grandchild though. Do you have a list of things it’s OK for a grandparent to do?

YoungSoak · 23/08/2025 04:52

My MIL did this too. Only with my daughter, not my son. Silly frilly dresses all the time. It only stopped when she was about four. Very annoying.

sunshineandrain82 · 23/08/2025 07:01

My mother did this with my eldest. It got worse. Started with clothes then toys. Then I found out accidentally she had taught her to call her mum and would be secretly correcting her when she was called nanny.

I stopped contact for over a year.

my eldest is now 12 and things are better. But she still does the clothes and toys for her house thing but I just ignore it and let her waste her money and shut down any conversation that she complains about wasting money on stuff for her house. (Yes she complains about buying stuff for her house and not getting the use)

What annoys me more now is she gets dd to spend her own pocket money because they must go shopping but it has to stay at her house.

but it’s the entitlement she now thinks she has that bothers me the most. Demands 2 weeks of holiday with her. (Only 1 of my 4 kids btw) instead of asking me. She and my sister will go to my eldest ask her, arrange it with her and then attempt to tell me what is happening.

i believe sometimes my siblings will say something to her. But only because im 1 of 4 and she only behaves this way with my eldest. She actually has 7 grandchildren and she’s never done anything like this with the other 6.

Wildefish · 23/08/2025 07:08

CurlewKate · 23/08/2025 04:35

No. He is her grandchild though. Do you have a list of things it’s OK for a grandparent to do?

Show quote history

I am a grandparent and I would not dream of changing my grandsons clothes because I had my own and I look after him 5 days a week.

Wildefish · 23/08/2025 07:10

Itstheshowgirl · 22/08/2025 23:15

Exactly, I used to love dressing up my babies but MIL had this need to constantly change their outfit regarding of whether it was needed and it drove me mad, she didn’t even buy her own stuff just used to take them upstairs and claim that they had ruined their outfit so needed to be changed, I eventually went snooping in the laundry bin and realised that she was talking shit, the outfits were perfectly clean she just wanted to play with the babies like they were a doll and change them, gave me the rage and not just because it caused us extra laundry but because babies are not toys.

Show quote history

I’m a grandparent and the only time I change my grandsons clothes is if he is dirty or the weather changes and he needs warmer or cooler clothes on. He is my grandson not my baby.

saraclara · 23/08/2025 07:36

Why is it a sin for grandparents to have toys at home for their grandchildren to play with when they visit or are being cared for by them?

Because it turns out that I'm clearly unwittingly breaking this 'rule'. But then I'm only a MIL to their dad, so maybe what I do isn't viewed through the 'overstepping lens' that MILs of DIL's have to endure.

Snapplepie · 23/08/2025 08:02

My mum looks after our two preschool age kids one day a week and honestly as long as they are safe and happy, we are so grateful that she can do whatever she wants! Im glad that having the kids gives her a chance to do things she enjoys, like dressing them up, feeding them all their favourite foods and taking them out.

Livelovebehappy · 23/08/2025 08:10

Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? A bit odd, but it’s not detrimental to your child’s safety or wellbeing.

crumblingschools · 23/08/2025 08:27

@saraclara I think when GPs have clothes, toys etc at their house and they exercise some form of control over them, then it can be seen as a problem. OP’s MIL has a huge collection of clothes at her house, but none of these clothes can be worn by the baby to go home in. Why?

I would understand if MIL needs to keep some clothes at her house in case of accidents or messy play but this is much more than that.

Again, useful to have a collection of toys at your house, especially if you provide regular childcare. But to exercise strict control over them would seem slightly mean. It’s like a power thing. Like changing the baby in to GP’s desired clothes when in their care. What happens if new baby doesn’t like getting changed, would it still be okay for MIL to change its clothes as soon as she is in charge. What about when the child has the means to be able to say they don’t want to get changed, just because granny wants them in a different outfit, is it okay for granny to change them against their wishes. At what age should the changing of clothes stop?

And I would feel the same about a GP being controlling be it MIL or DM (and grandads too)

Peggydragon · 23/08/2025 08:33

Is it so that she's not creating extra work for you? Your child is going to come home in clean clothes that maybe won't need laundering?

You're upset because your territorial instincts are kicking in, which is natural, but your human instincts need to take over and tell yourself that it's okay. Read The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters and you'll understand!

phoenixrosehere · 23/08/2025 10:16

CurlewKate · 23/08/2025 04:35

No. He is her grandchild though. Do you have a list of things it’s OK for a grandparent to do?

Show quote history

Why would you have to tell someone not to change your child unnecessarily?

That is or should be common sense.

Different if the child’s clothes have gotten wet, soiled, impractical for the activity/ activities etc.. but when they’re is nothing wrong with what they’re wearing other than you personally don’t like what they look like is ridiculous.

Plus, does the child even like being changed?
Many children don’t.

CurlewKate · 23/08/2025 11:29

phoenixrosehere · 23/08/2025 10:16

Why would you have to tell someone not to change your child unnecessarily?

That is or should be common sense.

Different if the child’s clothes have gotten wet, soiled, impractical for the activity/ activities etc.. but when they’re is nothing wrong with what they’re wearing other than you personally don’t like what they look like is ridiculous.

Plus, does the child even like being changed?
Many children don’t.

Show quote history

Why is it common sense?

TheignT · 23/08/2025 21:26

My exDIL was very particular about clothes for her and the children. I looked after them two days a week and trying to make sure their clothes were kept pristine was a pain. I asked her if it was ok if I got them a couple of Primark outfits each so I didn't have to worry. She agreed and the kids loved it. Sometimes there is a reason for clothes at granny's and their mum might agree if asked.

Original poster
Aliolii · 23/08/2025 21:36

TheignT · 23/08/2025 21:26

My exDIL was very particular about clothes for her and the children. I looked after them two days a week and trying to make sure their clothes were kept pristine was a pain. I asked her if it was ok if I got them a couple of Primark outfits each so I didn't have to worry. She agreed and the kids loved it. Sometimes there is a reason for clothes at granny's and their mum might agree if asked.

Yes I agree this makes sense. It’s not a couple of Primark outfits though it’s an entire wardrobe of clothes, shoes, coats etc. I saw MIL yesterday and she mentioned she had bought DS 2 winter coats, a pair of boots and shoes (I say baby he is 10 months old and can walk).

She is actually the same with toys, he has boxes and boxes full at her house that have to stay there. Nursery mentioned he had become quite attached to a particular toy, DH and I were wondering whether to buy him one and DH mentioned it to MIL, next time I see her he’s got one ‘for her house’!

It feels like we are sharing a child.

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 24/08/2025 01:52

Honestly this would do my head in. … a couple of outfits and toys for grandmas is one thing, but when GP’s start decorating a whole room for their grandkids and having a whole wardrobe of clothes and tons of toys… it’s like they think the children are theirs….
But if their father isn’t backing you then you can’t really do anything.. You either talk to her and tell her that this is OTT or just try to bury your annoyance and hope she realises that kids this age grow so fast that the clothes are barely worn and she’s wasting her money… Also STOP telling her toys you’d like to buy your kids… that would really piss me off!!
personally I’d be preparing myself for when grandmother decides she’s going to take the kids on holiday without you and without your permission…. I had a friend at work who felt it was her right to take her sons children abroad - if the mother wasn’t keen she was painted as being a helicopter mum… I felt sorry for the children’s mum as I wouldn’t want my DD going away without me when she was little.