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Original poster

MIL constantly buying baby clothes

154 replies

Aliolii · 21/08/2025 22:12

MIL loves buying my DS clothes, she will go on a shopping spree every couple of weeks and buy him loads of stuff, he has more clothes at her house than he does at home. She keeps all the clothes at her house. She has DS one day per week, he is well looked after but she always takes off the outfits I send him in (not impractical just normal stuff from Tesco etc) and puts him in her clothes.

Why does this give me the rage so much? My DH doesn’t understand why it annoys me and I can’t articulate it either! We’re having another baby and she’s already stockpiling clothes for that one to keep ‘at her house’.

OP posts:
Cheesetoastiees · 22/08/2025 12:24

I think somebody above hit the nail on the head calling it claiming behaviour. My MIL and own mother are quite similar in behaviours. They also constantly refer to DS as 'my ds's name' in quite territorial way.
However I'm quite lucky that I don't need to use either for childcare very often as I think it would drive me mad. I don't think there is much you can do as it's nothing damaging just very, very annoying and he'll get bigger/likely not want to get changed more often than necessary as he gets older anyway (my DS would put up a massive fight at this now at 2 years old).

NotAMessiahJustAVeryNaughtyBoy · 22/08/2025 12:27

I’d be annoyed she’s treating your child like a doll. I wonder how many times she’s redressing him while he’s with her? If she was buying all this stuff and giving it to you to be worn day to day then fine, it’s very generous. But this seems like it’s gift for her, not your baby.

phoenixrosehere · 22/08/2025 12:27

never understand this opposition to “playing dress-up.” Don’t we all play dress-up with our babies? I know I did!

If you mean toy babies and Barbie dolls yes, but not my actual babies other then for a small photo shoot I did for my mum when they were born but I told her one outfit (which she brought) and she lived 4,000 miles away. I send pictures to my mother and MIL of clothes they buy that we put on the children.

If my children choose to play dress up, also fine.

SimoneHere · 22/08/2025 12:30

phoenixrosehere · 22/08/2025 12:27

never understand this opposition to “playing dress-up.” Don’t we all play dress-up with our babies? I know I did!

If you mean toy babies and Barbie dolls yes, but not my actual babies other then for a small photo shoot I did for my mum when they were born but I told her one outfit (which she brought) and she lived 4,000 miles away. I send pictures to my mother and MIL of clothes they buy that we put on the children.

If my children choose to play dress up, also fine.

I think that’s disingenuous (or very unusual).

You really didn’t ever buy them clothes thinking “aw, that’ll look nice”, or give any thought to what you put them in? Always just purely practical, couldn’t give a damn so long as they were covered up?

saraclara · 22/08/2025 12:50

They also constantly refer to DS as 'my ds's name' in quite territorial way.

He's her grandchild. He's 'hers' in that sense @Cheesetoastiees .
My DGDs are 'my girly' 'my poppet' 'my sweetheart' 'my (their name)' and multiple other endearments. It's nothing to do with being territorial, it's about how we all belong together as a family group.

Thank goodness their parents just appreciate and enjoy the love I and my DGDs have for each other, and demonstrate to each other.

Cheesetoastiees · 22/08/2025 12:57

saraclara · 22/08/2025 12:50

They also constantly refer to DS as 'my ds's name' in quite territorial way.

He's her grandchild. He's 'hers' in that sense @Cheesetoastiees .
My DGDs are 'my girly' 'my poppet' 'my sweetheart' 'my (their name)' and multiple other endearments. It's nothing to do with being territorial, it's about how we all belong together as a family group.

Thank goodness their parents just appreciate and enjoy the love I and my DGDs have for each other, and demonstrate to each other.

Sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your Grandchildren.
However it’s more a tone and a look when said and surrounding possessive behaviours alongside their difficult personalities.

If it was just terms of endearment I’d think that was nice. Anyway I don’t say anything and let them carry on because it’s not harmful to anyone as annoying as it can be but neither have my child alone so I let them play mummy.

CurlewKate · 22/08/2025 12:58

TorroFerney · 22/08/2025 11:49

Err no that sounds really odd to me. It’s a human a living being not a doll.

Show quote history

So you never bought for or dressed your babies in things you thought looked sweet or cute? Never dressed them for Christmas or Halloween? Never dressed them up for a party? No hats with teddy bear ears?

rocketrabbit · 22/08/2025 12:59

SquishedMallow · 22/08/2025 12:14

I can imagine how you felt.

It's really insidious and weird behaviour isn't it ? I think it's something in them that needs fixing.

My MIL used to do this really irritating squeaky drawn out voice, she'd play with the kids and do things like crawl around me on the floor (with the baby/toddler) whilst I was cooking tea and opening oven doors. I literally had to step over her crawling like a baby on the floor. Then I'd say "tea time !" (Would always have to make her tea too as she never took hints on when to leave ) And I was more gullible and easily manipulated back then. And she wouldn't even look at me (she'd keep her back to me whilst pretending to be a fellow 2yr old ) and say (for my child ) "we don't want noooo tea do we ? We say we're busy plaaaying " (yes the grammatical mistake was hers in the "no tea" not mine 🤭.

I could give you so so many examples like this. To be honest, I was relieved when she lost interest as I felt I could finally breathe. When they were really small every opportunity was a "wind up" opportunity for her. She made me life a real misery at that time.

I could give you some more malicious examples. (Very passive aggressive woman)

Show quote history

It was definitely something in my mother. She'd remarried not that long before I had DD and in hindsight I think she was playing a game of pretend this is our baby with the new husband. Now she wonders why our relationship is broken and I can barely be in a room with her.

rocketrabbit · 22/08/2025 13:07

saraclara · 22/08/2025 12:50

They also constantly refer to DS as 'my ds's name' in quite territorial way.

He's her grandchild. He's 'hers' in that sense @Cheesetoastiees .
My DGDs are 'my girly' 'my poppet' 'my sweetheart' 'my (their name)' and multiple other endearments. It's nothing to do with being territorial, it's about how we all belong together as a family group.

Thank goodness their parents just appreciate and enjoy the love I and my DGDs have for each other, and demonstrate to each other.

There's a difference between having positive family relationships, and trying to manipulate the natural order of those relationships so that you are more important to the child than their mother. I get that this seems like a crazy thing to do, but this is what some of us have faced within our own families, and early on it often looks like a grandparent marking their territory with a child through clothes and toys. My mother bought my DD her first shoes and sent me photos of her wearing them without any discussion of it in advance.

ginasevern · 22/08/2025 13:15

Burn the evil, twisted witch and then take a financial hit and reduce your hours at work. That way you get to look after your own child! Much easier than blowing a blood vessel over someone who loves their grandchild and is doing you a massive favour.

SquishedMallow · 22/08/2025 13:31

rocketrabbit · 22/08/2025 13:07

There's a difference between having positive family relationships, and trying to manipulate the natural order of those relationships so that you are more important to the child than their mother. I get that this seems like a crazy thing to do, but this is what some of us have faced within our own families, and early on it often looks like a grandparent marking their territory with a child through clothes and toys. My mother bought my DD her first shoes and sent me photos of her wearing them without any discussion of it in advance.

Edited
Show quote history

I agree with you

I don't think posters like that get these types that we're talking about.

Lizzy7596 · 22/08/2025 13:33

My MIL did the same in the 90s - even toys !

Haven’t spoken to her in almost 20 years 😂.
Watch out it may be the start of things to come .

BustyLaRoux · 22/08/2025 14:27

CurlewKate · 22/08/2025 11:36

What’s wrong with a baby being a dolly? I loved dressing mine up!

Me too!

Moveoverdarlin · 22/08/2025 14:30

My MIL bought my baby bugger all, never helped out and paid very little interest. I can see why it’s a tad annoying, but I really wouldn’t get funny about it. She clearly adores him and wants to dress him on the days she has him.

Murdoch1949 · 22/08/2025 15:08

It's not unusual for grandmothers to behave like this. The weird part for me is why does is get you so mad? If MIL wants to play dress up, let her, it's no skin off your nose. She's doing you a favour one day a week, let her have this little bit of joy.

crumblingschools · 22/08/2025 16:16

There is an element of control where she doesn’t allow the clothes to come home to OP. If she only has DS once a week MIL must have more baby clothes than she actually needs.

Wonder what will happen when DS is old enough to give an opinion on clothes he wants to wear. Will MIL allow him to have a choice?

Willoo · 22/08/2025 16:20

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2025 10:50

So wasteful and mean with the clothing.
She's a controlling MIL, prepare yourself for the future challenges.

Get a grip

CurlewKate · 22/08/2025 16:30

This is my dd after spending the afternoon shopping with my MIL. She appears to be having a lovely time! Not my taste, I admit….🤣🤣

MIL constantly buying baby clothes
Marylou2 · 22/08/2025 16:31

Do you know your MILs history OP? Just wondering if she came from a poor background or if she didn't have money when your DH was small. I used to buy so many clothes and shoes for DD as a reaction to having very little as a child and being teased at school.

Original poster
Aliolii · 22/08/2025 16:35

The clothes she buys aren’t expensive or ‘nice’, a lot of them are second hand or Primark anyway. No nicer than the stuff I buy for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aliolii · 22/08/2025 16:36

ginasevern · 22/08/2025 13:15

Burn the evil, twisted witch and then take a financial hit and reduce your hours at work. That way you get to look after your own child! Much easier than blowing a blood vessel over someone who loves their grandchild and is doing you a massive favour.

If you read my OP you’ll see that I’ve tried to reduce my hours or put DS in nursery longer and I can’t.

OP posts:
curtaintwitcher78 · 22/08/2025 16:39

Aliolii · 22/08/2025 16:35

The clothes she buys aren’t expensive or ‘nice’, a lot of them are second hand or Primark anyway. No nicer than the stuff I buy for him.

In that case she is just nuts. I hope this doesn't manifest in other ways as your son grows up.

pushthebuttonnn · 22/08/2025 16:40

CurlewKate · 22/08/2025 16:30

This is my dd after spending the afternoon shopping with my MIL. She appears to be having a lovely time! Not my taste, I admit….🤣🤣

Omg my eyes ..what in the Waltons is that 😂

crumblingschools · 22/08/2025 16:47

Who the hell buys anything like that @CurlewKate

CurlewKate · 22/08/2025 17:09

crumblingschools · 22/08/2025 16:47

Who the hell buys anything like that @CurlewKate

My very lovely but slightly bonkers MIL! It was a very long time ago, to be fair. And it is wonderful blackmail material.