MIL constantly buying baby clothes

[Aliolii]

MIL loves buying my DS clothes, she will go on a shopping spree every couple of weeks and buy him loads of stuff, he has more clothes at her house than he does at home. She keeps all the clothes at her house. She has DS one day per week, he is well looked after but she always takes off the outfits I send him in (not impractical just normal stuff from Tesco etc) and puts him in her clothes.

Why does this give me the rage so much? My DH doesn’t understand why it annoys me and I can’t articulate it either! We’re having another baby and she’s already stockpiling clothes for that one to keep ‘at her house’.

Please don’t deprive your MIL and your child of time together because of this.

People on mumsnet who use grandparents for childcare can’t win. They’re either taking advantage and should be grateful for every ounce of help and let their ILs get away with anything. Or they are depriving them of time together!

It is not taking advantage of family, children should have as many people who love them in their life.
The adults in their life should have their best interests at heart, that includes not using them to point score, working with the parents not against them.
If it becomes difficult, nursery is an option.
Just keep an eye on the situation.
For now opt for the pj's, save yourself a job.

If this were me I would drop him round in pjs, give her some clean ones to put him in for coming home, and say I’m looking forward to seeing today’s outfit and get her to send you a pic. It’s weird but it’s only annoying if you let it be.

Of course, I care. I dress them in what is nice AND practical.

I don’t change their clothes just for funsies. I change them out for a reason, usually because I notice an item has gotten small, dirty, stained, or has a noticeable hole in it.

How does not playing dress up equate to not caring how your child looks?

That's the thing that would bother me as well. A child is not a doll to play dress up with. Also changing clothes is a hassle for the children that you don't want to do without valid reasons ex. A birthday party etc. She's being quite ridiculous and I would definitely be miffed about this and ask her is she wanted me to buy her a reborn doll to play dress up with because my child is a person.

But if you really need her to babysit you better just keep the annoyance within you. I'm sure if it was your mum you'd had told her to stop it immediately. Since it's Mil it's better if your DH says something. It can just be a neutral question like "mum why are you changing clothes on Tom all the time? Are they dirty?"

Of course it isn’t. She does it because she wants to play dress up and relive the baby years with “her” child dressed in her clothes that she bought.
I’d be watching very warily.

What would bother me about this is that she's almost treating your baby like a doll. I understand that it can be fun to dress up a baby but it's not her baby, and if you already sent him in clothes to her house, then it's a little overbearing for her to then change the outfit to one she bought. I feel like it is a symptom of a broader mindset.

It would make much more sense for her to give you the clothes she bought for him, as your mother has done. Buying these clothes, keeping them, and then changing the baby when she has him gives an "ownership" vibe that would really unsettle me. He's a child, not an accessory.

I suspect that your MIL will all too soon begin overstepping in other areas.

This is overstepping and it's a waste. She sounds like she has poor impulse control.

Instead of spending all this money on clothing your baby doesn't need would she consider a savings account for fun days out etc when he's older?

If not send him in pyjamas and he can wear her things there.

We used to shuttle clothing back and forth between my DF and I with just a few spares.

Maybe because some of us know how bloody tough is it without any family support and how sad it is for our children not to have any loving grandparents. So to hear someone bitching about clothes isn't going to make us sob. I mean, call me weird if you like, but her behaviour hardly amounts to "getting away with anything" is it? And quite frankly yes, you should be grateful. She doesn't have to help and you've pretty much said you'd be stuffed without her.

It would have annoyed me when I had little kids but on reflection and a good few years, I'd let it go. She loves him, is looking after him.

They can win, you know. They can be appropriately grateful and not weird and not go on about “overstepping” because a grandmother-actually, let’s be real, a dad’s mum- is excited about and enjoys her grandchild.

The thing is, the other “people on Mumsnet” are not a homogeneous group. They are people with different opinions and may not agree with each other.

So no, you can’t “win”, because there is no single person or group to win against.

Pick your battles, she loves your baby and in this world you cannot have enough people loving your child (he/she is very lucky) just smile it makes her happy and baby is happy so a win win. Honestly life is too short & if this is the only “awful” thing she’s doing as a MIL your not doing too badly honestly try thinking “be kind” it will make you feel good & happier

It's very weird but if you're getting free childcare out of it I'd just send him in his pjs (don't waste a clean set of your clothes) and let her

It would infuriate me, but it’s tricky to complain when she’s doing you a favour looking after him.

You could ask her whether her parents/parents-in-law used to change DH into other outfits, ones they’d bought, whenever he went to their house (assuming he did ever go). When she asks why, tell her you were wondering why she does it. Presumably she chose the clothes DH used to wear, and now it’s your turn to make the clothing decisions for your baby.

I do wonder whether you’ll have more problems as he gets older, with her wanting to act and make decisions as if he’s her baby.

But he’s not MIL's baby! She had her own baby/babies to dress up, and now it’s OP’s turn.

But why can’t she play dress up while she’s looking after him? I really don’t understand.

I totally get why this pisses you off.

Is your Son her first Grandchild? This seems to send MIL’s absolutely loopy and do some really odd things and it feels as though they’re criticising the clothes you buy etc and it is slightly overstepping.

I would let it go and try and look past it (even though it is weird and annoying). I found once I had my second baby I didn’t care about her odd behaviour anymore as I was too tired.

leave her to it and just secretly think she’s annoying!!

Or leave her to it and think how lovely it is that your son has someone else to love him.

@CurlewKateI did say to leave her to it.

It gives you the rage because it’s like she’s treating him like her own child. It’s slightly irrational but I think is very common between DiL and MiL so let yourself have the rage just don’t voice it! And don’t worry too much about it either. Let her get on with being weird - your son will have a good relationship with her if she looks after him well and she’ll probably stop doing it as he gets older and the clothes are less “cute”. And he won’t think of her any differently- you’re Mum and she’s granny to him. End of

I wouldn’t care one jot. I would however be grateful of the free childcare.

From my experience, babies don't particularly like being undressed and dressed. OP's MIL changing him from a perfectly good outfit that OP has chosen into one of the outfits that she has bought is just thinking about herself. Babies don't care what they are wearing, as long as they are comfortable.

It is a bit weird but life's too short, surely? She's not actually causing him or you any harm, just let her be a bit batty.