Ruined my life I’m a stupid idiot

[Nope11]

Been with DH 14 years and the past year or so between us has been hell. I don’t feel loved, cared for, nothing. We sleep together 1/2 times a week. He’s always saying something about my weight. Just needed someone to talk to so I signed up to a dating website. Long story short me and someone ended up exchanging pictures/videos.

I feel utterly sick. I’m a horrible person and I’ll admit to what I did later on. If he leaves me and tells my family so be it. I deserve it.

I sound like I’m self pitying and maybe I am but I feel sick with my actions and will own up

I'd just delete the app and make sure any traces were gone and keep quiet!

You made a mistake, it's not worth ending the marriage over.

Don't be too hard on yourself and don't unburden yourself to your husband just to ease your guilt. That would be unfair on him.

Focus on what you want next and move on

The main people on dating sites are Nigerian scammers so sharing anything intimate might mean you are open to blackmail.

Would he miss you if you left? He wouldnt notice or be bothered??

No unfortunately

Of course your children are innocent. Nobody is saying otherwise.

Unfortunately OP, you have automatically involved your family in “this shit” by choosing to do what you have done.

The marriage sounds dead, I’m sorry to say. Your husband doesn’t sound like a nice person and neither do you for choosing to actively use a dating site and send photos of yourself to another man.

You need to sit down with your husband and have an open and honest conversation about getting a divorce.

I'm sorry to hear that, how devastating.

OP another vote for not saying anything to DH - wouldn't do any good. Don't beat yourself up; try to sort out your head (and heart). You haven't ruined your life and you're not permanently a stupid idiot, everyone does idiotic things sometimes.

What stands out to me is you saying that you don't feel loved or seen, but you have sex at least once a week. That would seriously mess with my head. Could it be that this is part of the reason why you ended up doing something that is now causing you to call yourself a stupid idiot?

Why are you still sleeping with him? What would happen if you said you didn't feel like it? Are you scared of his reaction? Or do you want to keep up the appearances of a loving relationship?

Whatever it is, it sounds to me like you need some distance (including physical) and calm, and to decide what kind of change you want: couples therapy, separation, divorce?

You may have done yourself a favour by creating a situation where you can't ignore the problems any more. Doing something about them is going to be hard, surely, with an autistic child in the picture. I'm sorry you've ended up in this place. All the best for finding a way forward. And again, don't kick yourself pls.

This is exactly my take and said so well. OP, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have not committed adultery but do sound very unhappy. Is there any way of turning the situation around in your marriage although your DH sounds pretty unpleasant

So you’d not consider it cheating or a huge betrayal of trust if your husband joined a dating site and exchanged photos with other women? Give over🤣

Betrayal yes but not cheating

Of course it’s cheating😂 if you don’t think so then just tell him. You know it’s wrong, you know it’s cheating, that’s why you feel guilty.

Tell the truth and then walk away from the marriage. Nobody should stay in a relationship they aren’t happy in, absolutely, but don’t cheat. If you want to chat then absolutely do that- with a friend, family, or charity service like Samaritans- with your clothes on.

I just want to clarify the voting. I voted yanbu because I was referring to your estimation of your actions. I agree with you that you have made unwise choices. Alongside talking with your husband, I think you need a trusted friend to whom you can run by your ideas.

You can talk to them about anything.

Are you sure that poster was being sarcastic and deserved to be called a bitch?? It didn’t sound sarcastic to me

I’m pretty sure. But also pretty sure they’ll claim innocence too

There are some really nasty people on this thread

Have you got anyone else to talk to about your relationship? I understand what you're going though. Talking to randoms online probably isn't the best idea. Do you have a freind who you can trust?

I think you are wrong and are just being horrible to people now. You even edited it to be more horrible to her. Totally out of order

Bye then

I actually wasn't, at all. That is genuinely devastating! Although I find it very hard to believe, there could be a child out there on the spectrum who is absolutely incapable of making any connection with anyone and that could be your child. So instead of doubting a stranger on the Internet, I decided to put myself in your shoes and imagine how awful that would be, and I would be devastated. That was my train of thought. No need to call names or be so hostile. Maybe you should take a break from the interest, it really isn't going well for you!

I have no reason to exaggerate on my son’s condition. If i am wrong then i will apologise

Depends on the husband and the context. Stop being so bloody sanctimonious and downright nasty

Didn’t say I was going anywhere. I said you were being horrible, which was true. What do you even want out of this thread?