Date asking strange questions

[JMaggs93]

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

He negged you, OP. It's something that small, insecure men do, because they think women need "taking down a peg or two." It's the start of abuse and will only get worse. THROW HIM BACK.

Tell him, "You know, I DO have too much baggage for you. I'm sure you can do so much better, so I'm going to let you go." Then watch his backpedal furiously. Meaning that yes, he was negging you.

She is really 25 years older, he is from Africa and they are on a spousal visa for him, know the guys

He is setting the tone for the whole relationship..negging from the off

Don't see him again. He's starting the put downs and laying the pathfinder control already.

On a more serious note, why such young man would look forward to take a woman and abuse her???

🤫

Why did you let anything go? It's the ideal time to challenge so you can walk away before you start thinking you're in love.

I've been out of dating for almost 35 years, and my gut reaction is to get out fast.

I’m not nice as the classy ladies on here.

I would….

Throw my head back and laugh and say “What, you think you’re too good for me, and you are doing me a favour? Mate, thanks for the couple of dates. It was nice to get out, but there’s no way I’m exposing my “baggage” to an arsehole like you. I’m not that desperate”.

Get rid now. He’s a twat.

In the bin!

Don't see him again.

I'm a prick. I'd think of his biggest insecurity and give that as the reason to dump him.

Unfortunately, I don't find you attractive. I didn't feel there was enough banter. I just found your gigantic nose so distracting that I couldn't concentrate on our conversation.

It’s not really important what was said. What matters is that you felt the ick. Never ignore those sort of feelings early on because that’s coming through from the non verbal part of your brain that’s only concerned with keeping you safe and passing on your genes.

The frontal lobes then get involved “what did I miss? What did he say?” turning over and analysing everything and they’ll make you doubt your judgement.

Don’t waste anymore time on this one.

She's 32.

Only question is, will you dump him by text or face to face? Your "baggage" is in human form, his is just toxic.

What's he got against karate? 5 years age difference is nothing but he seems to be making a big deal out of it. He sounds dodgy to me.

"Did you ever wonder what I saw in you with all your baggage?"

"Nope. Did you ever wonder what I saw in an arrogant cunt like you?"

He’s properly negging you. Get rid.

I HAD 10 dc.. Now have 11..
Both white British..

Bin him off, your instincts are right OP

Ahhh another man in his soft era thinking he is the price 😂

The karate question.. I'd think maybe he was (prematurely) checking that I'd be willing to give it up (temporarily) in the event of a future pregnancy.

The other questions.. nah, he can get to fuck. With the benefit of my own (dire) experiences of past dating I can recognise this as the red flag 🚩 it is even though I might have sucked it up at the time. So you should benefit from the collective MN wisdom here OP. Chuck him back, fine specimen that he undoubtedly believes himself to be 😆

you deserve someone who sees your life experience, your kids, your karate, your strength and thinks that’s the very reason you’re extraordinary, not a compromise they settled for.

Do not doubt yourself. Of course you're not unreasonable to feel like this about him. You need to get away from him and block him. Serious red flag behaviours sp early on so I dread to think what he would be like later down the line.
He is negging you hard!
Also id advice reading up about the burned haystack method.
The women who founded it looks at written language patterns.
His would fall under "im the prize" where he thinks hes the best thing and you should be grateful for him. I also bet if you posted his dating page on the FB group there would be lots of other red flag patterns.

🚩🚩🚩 omg RUN!!!! This was a test, to see if you'll put up with being put down and being controlled. Do not see him again. He will get worse and worse. Trust me, I've been there.

Keep your cards closer to your chest with the next guy you date, don't tell them about your previous relationships until you're sure of them. Too many guys will use this against you.

You are right to feel the ick! He was negging you. Bad sign, bin him. 🚩