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AIBU?

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Original poster

Date asking strange questions

311 replies

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

OP posts:
WishSheWouldGoAway · 21/08/2025 16:07

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 15:31

You’re 27
You have obviously only recently come out of a horrible relationship
and you have multiple presumably very young children

Just settle in to newly single life op and enjoy it. Lots of time for men!

He is 27. She is 32.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 21/08/2025 16:09

😭😭 block and delete

What a bellend. He was 100% trying to humble you.

also, Does he not drive? 👀

Maray1967 · 21/08/2025 16:09

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 15:32

I’d have just pulled over and calmly asked him to get out of my car

Same here. I don’t have baggage. I have DC, family, friends and a life. Why didn’t you pull over and ask him what the hell he meant by baggage?

JohnTheRevelator · 21/08/2025 16:10

I'm surprised you even have to ask this!

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 16:11

JohnTheRevelator · 21/08/2025 16:10

I'm surprised you even have to ask this!

It is concerning that the Op felt the need to

Cherrycola4 · 21/08/2025 16:12

Sounds like negging.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 21/08/2025 16:13

noidea69 · 21/08/2025 15:31

I'd have karate chopped him.

bitch slap GIF

😄😄 yes

A karate chop and then a slap for good measure!

Enrichetta · 21/08/2025 16:14

this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex,

Red flag alert!!

Suusue · 21/08/2025 16:19

Do not see him ever again. You life would be hell with him.

EdisinBurgh · 21/08/2025 16:20

Also giving him the benefit of the doubt - he might be very clumsy and undiplomatic and asking these loaded questions because he doesn’t have the confidence to say what is actually on his mind?

“I have baggage as a single parent and I wonder if you relate to this when it comes to dating”
”I’d love to have another child with you but would keeping up karate be a challenge when you’re pregnant?”

I think it’s worth having a frank chat with him to find out before you walk away!

jolies1 · 21/08/2025 16:23

Best advice I was given when OLD - you don’t owe anyone anything. If you don’t like them for any reason you don’t need to continue seeing them. Obviously don’t be a dick and politely turn them down / make an excuse but if you have to question if you should keep seeing them, the answer is no. Enjoy it for what it is - an opportunity to meet lots of new people & hopefully one day someone really great.

BauhausOfEliott · 21/08/2025 16:23

am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off

No. He's a total prick.

Don't let this deter you from dating more people, though - this is one man who was a dickhead. That doesn't mean you won't meet other men who are perfectly nice.

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 21/08/2025 16:24

You're asking the wrong question here OP. It's not about him "asking weird questions", it's that he's a twat. Get rid.

LadeOde · 21/08/2025 16:34

YABU, for being 'shocked and not really giving an answer'. If you can't think of what to say, you're at the wheel...why couldn't you just pull over and tell him to, 'get out!

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 16:35

EdisinBurgh · 21/08/2025 16:20

Also giving him the benefit of the doubt - he might be very clumsy and undiplomatic and asking these loaded questions because he doesn’t have the confidence to say what is actually on his mind?

“I have baggage as a single parent and I wonder if you relate to this when it comes to dating”
”I’d love to have another child with you but would keeping up karate be a challenge when you’re pregnant?”

I think it’s worth having a frank chat with him to find out before you walk away!

Edited

Would you suggest this if your DD had recounted what the OP did in the Op?

EdisinBurgh · 21/08/2025 16:38

@Returnofjude yes if she was an adult aged 32 looking for a relationship and this happened I would be sceptical but I would advise her to have a conversation and try to get to the bottom of it before simply blocking and walking away.

Maybe he’s a twat and unsafe. Maybe not. But I teach my children never to assume and to use their voices and ears to discuss and find out what motivates people before they take an action (eg blocking).

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 16:41

EdisinBurgh · 21/08/2025 16:38

@Returnofjude yes if she was an adult aged 32 looking for a relationship and this happened I would be sceptical but I would advise her to have a conversation and try to get to the bottom of it before simply blocking and walking away.

Maybe he’s a twat and unsafe. Maybe not. But I teach my children never to assume and to use their voices and ears to discuss and find out what motivates people before they take an action (eg blocking).

When it comes to a single mother who clearly has emerged from a very difficult relationship - I would have no qualms, in fact the opposite, of telling her to trust her instincts and “assume” what the hell she wants when it comes to a man she’s seen 3x who has given her the ick and made her feel like shit

i guess we parent differently

LittlleMy · 21/08/2025 16:41

In case you’re still in doubt nope nope nope!

I remember dating someone when I was 40 and I’d set my profile to meeting age 35-45 or so and think I put in there open to kids and he so softly and patronisingly asked if I felt the 30 age range was suitable (I think he meant my ability to be attractive to) and also did I really think I’d be in a position to conceive any longer. Just gave me the ick immediately and never saw him again!

@JMaggs93 Dont let it knock your confidence, OLD is brutal and I don’t care but for every one person that says it was great and they found the love of their life on it - there’s hundreds for whom it’s like a needle in a haystack. I personally haven’t done it for 10 years and never will as the ghosting, convos going round in circles and manchild types who can’t decide what they want and of course the passive aggressive types who take rejection very hard and personal just eroded my MH in super quick time so I defused that time bomb and that’s that. If it happens naturally great of it doesn’t - well there’s more to life than a man 🙂🙃

LadeOde · 21/08/2025 16:48

@Returnofjude "yes if she was an adult aged 32 looking for a relationship and this happened I would be sceptical but I would advise her to have a conversation and try to get to the bottom of it before simply blocking and walking away."

This early on, because she is 32 and looking?..... try and get to the bottom of it." Crikey, "the standards" are low here. What utterly foolish advice.

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 17:10

LadeOde · 21/08/2025 16:48

@Returnofjude "yes if she was an adult aged 32 looking for a relationship and this happened I would be sceptical but I would advise her to have a conversation and try to get to the bottom of it before simply blocking and walking away."

This early on, because she is 32 and looking?..... try and get to the bottom of it." Crikey, "the standards" are low here. What utterly foolish advice.

Exactly

Dangermoo · 21/08/2025 17:36

Now compare this to the date, who commented on OP polishing her meal off. On this one, I do see the red flags - who wouldn't?

ormiwtbte · 21/08/2025 18:13

For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex

I wouldn't want to take it further because of this. It says a lot about a person. Of course, it could be the ex who is toxic etcetc, but it's bringing unnecessary drama into your life when you have your own children and coupled with the weird shit he said about karate and baggage, I'd hazard a guess that, in this case, he's the main cause of the poor co-parenting relationship.

Tablesandchairs23 · 21/08/2025 18:19

I'd throw him back. He's saying your not good enough for him. When you're clearly to good. He's an arse.

nomas · 21/08/2025 18:23

Bad co-parenting relationship with ex 🚩
Controlling behaviour on self defence karate 🚩
Arrogance about your age / children 🚩

Plenty of red flag behaviours to ditch this one back in the sea.

Don’t feel defeated, be glad you have your boundaries intact.

user1471538283 · 21/08/2025 18:26

It's good you found out now. How insulting! He's setting you up for being abused and controlled.

I was once told that apparently a bloke I'd been on one date with had been told by someone else how great he was taking me on (I just had DS then). Oh yes mate, so great ...

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