ADHD toddler and future

[ForLovingTealSheep]

I am at my lowest point in life and I have dealt with pretty bad stuff like cancer but this is eating me up bit by bit everyday . My 2.5 year old who’s that child who doesn’t do circle time or sit in group toddler ever and the older she gets the more difficult it becomes . I have posted many times and every time I have been told that I have Munchausen by proxy until I see my daughter being the only one out of 20 to not sit still for activities at groups and talking all the time .

We don’t have a family history of adhd and we have a total of 4 siblings between me and my partner’s family . Apart from group settings she is strong willed but generally well behaved and always follow instructions to a tee including sitting for meals at home . Sleeps 16 hours a day and eat a good diet . She is not impulsive and for her age I believe she had a good attention span around 6 to 8 minutes per activity but that’s important I guess as I have heard lots of adhd kids can focus well .

All I want to know will she have a relatively independent life and will I ever be able to go to a restaurant with her in the future without having to get up every single time or a simple coffee .

2.5 is far too young to know whether she had ADHD or not.

I have ADHD. I am also extremely well educated, with a successful high-earning professional career, a lovely husband and children. I'm the only person with ADHD in my family, and I'm objectively the most successful.

I'm a bit crap round the house and quite messy though, but I solve that with paid household help. I guess I'm not quite independent yet then 😁

Yes you are. You are asking for a 2.5 yo who doesn't act like a 2.5 yo, who is happy to sit in a coffee shop whilst you drink your coffee hot, who sits on your lap without wriggling and wanting to get down, who sits down quietly and eats a meal, who listens to a story without getting distracted.

Very occasionally you might meet a 2.5 yo who does all of the above, but most 2.5 yos don't do any of that, they are constantly moving, talking, wriggling and switching focus from one thing to the next.

Most Mums are not doing all those things to take for granted. They are accepting that for now, their lives revolve around their toddlers and not expecting to be able to go back to their pre-child lives of drinking leisurely cups of coffee and having uninterrupted chats with friends. They get to socialise when the other parent is with the child, or when a family member or babysitter can step in, or in brief moments when they meet up with a Mum friend and might get to exchange a few words in between the constant interruptions. That's how it is.

The other thing they're not doing is finding parenting difficult and looking at a way to make it the child's problem.

She's really not. There is a different level with ADHD. We were asked to leave the local playgroup song time because my DD couldn't join in and instead ran around and caused mayhem. A TODDLER song time. Set up exactly for that age group. Asked to leave a local swimming pool because she was disrupting other swimmers. In the childrens pool.

This is what we were told for 6 years. Despite the classic list of symptoms. Only to be told exactly this (classic ADHD presentation) by the paediatrician.

Parents know their own children.

I have a 14yo son who has adhd.

We can go out for meals - he likes eating in restaurants. He doesn't manage waiting very well if there is no immediate outcome for him. So he's usually pretty happy to wait for his food in a restaurant but not happy to wait for something that he views is just for me - shopping for example.

He is full of energy - will literally run and climb up lampposts, trees, drainpipes and loves being on the top of playground equipment. He can be very, very impulsive and doesn't have much verbal filter. The people who know him well know what he's like though.

He can fully focus on things he enjoys - he knows so much about things that interest him. But he finds writing longer explanations & essays difficult. He is at a special school and there he gets the support he needs to manage in a smaller class with adults who know him well.

I have a 4 yo son who is not diagnosed. It is very hard to go out to a restaurant with him if he is hungry. He is hit and miss following instructions. He can be very impulsive and has heaps and heaps of energy. I don't know if he has adhd or not but he is only 4. Many 4yos are the same. So are 3 yos and 2yos. The way I parent him is the same whether he has it or not though.

If your daughter does have adhd, you'll be unlikely to get a diagnosis before 6 or 7 in many areas. There are very long waiting lists in many areas as well. But it doesnt matter as that is years away. You need to parent the child you have. If she can't manage circle time, take her to things she does engage with. Try sports clubs, messy play, forest school or swimming. Build your life around her skills and interests not the things she finds hard. If she sleeps so well, time the coffee shop trips you desire for her nap time.
You need to look past this one voice at a class who said she could tell she was "spirited" which means she must be neurodivergent. Maybe she has adhd, maybe she doesnt. But either way she is your child. Enjoy her as she is and embrace her quirks.

I'm sorry that happened to you but that's not what she described. She described that DD wants so explore a coffee shop.

This OP has been posting under different names for over a year. She describes a long list of milestones that her daughter is meeting and then picks out one or two normal toddler behaviours that she has decided are signs of ADHD and Autism.

She then only replies to posters who feed her anxiety and ignores the majority giving sound advice.

She has not taken her DD to a GP despite countless posts on here where she is insistent that there is something wrong with her DD. It's like she WANTS something to be wrong. Honestly it needs an intervention at this point

The most bonkers thing (and there's a lot...), is the idea of you rebooking plane tickets home and cutting a visit to your family short because it unsettled your child.

The level of anxiety that you must have, to think that's a reasonable solution to an unsettled child absolutely blows my mind. You could take your child for a walk, you could try introducing a family more slowly, maybe one at a time, a thousand different things, cancelling the entire trip. What the actual hell.

If this is representative of how you parent, are all on you.

And of course you are toddler doesn't want to sit in a buggy of what you have an espresso. That's why parents (half) joke about not finishing a cup of coffee in 5 years. Your expectations are crazy. Yes, you'll get a few toddlers that will sit at circle time and sit nicely for a drink (probably not in that buggy!) but the vast majority won't, and those won't be at circle time, because and they'll choose more active activities.

If you're a vegetarian you don't go to a steakhouse. If you've got a lively child, you don't go to libraries rhyme time 😂

Oh and my child who was pretty good at circle time, now, she's at school, is being investigated for ADHD. Do I think of her as disabled - no. That's my other child.

Stop looking for problems. If they're there, you don't need to go hunting, they'll find themselves.

Not sure if it's been mentioned but there will be a sampling bias as to what is normal based on circle time because all the parents with children who do run around and are disruptive will have self selected out of the situation. So you are left with the placid quiet children and suddenly your normal toddler looks loud and disruptive in comparison.

OP, I'm a bit further into this parenting gig than you are and tbh I'm still a bit shit at it so don't feel you have to give any headspace to what I think.

But here's my tuppence-worth from a sample size of 2. It may be that your 2yo is just very confident. She doesn't feel the need to stay close to you in public and in new situations. She's curious and unafraid and she pushes boundaries to see what will happen.

My older one was that child. Hanging out the window and trying to set off the fire extinguisher while the other kids were nodding along to "Five little men in a flying saucer".

Fast-forward a few years and we have had very few complaints from school about DC1's behaviour. DC1 is still confident and full of energy but knows the rules and has no trouble complying with them. Has breezed through school so far.

DC2, on the other hand, behaves like an angel in toddler classes. Looks disapprovingly at all the other children running in circles. Truth is that DC2 is a cling-on and I'm a human comfort blanket. The same child at home is a little demon.

Different kids, that's all.

1. At 2 1/2 there is no point going to the GP about ADHD. It won't be addressed until 6. Even at 6 it is virtually impossible to get them to consider it. Private is really the only option.

2. Plenty of milestones can be met, or exceeded. My DD walked at 9 months and reads well. Still ADHD.

If you haven't been a parent of a ND child, you won't understand. No one ever thought my DD had anything wrong with her, other than lively behaviour and being a bit naughty. My neighbour however knew, because they had an ADHD son and she could see ALL the signs.

Thank you and thank you 🙂 yes my 2.5 appears confident in the house when people / family are about .. like showing off and talking her hat off .. but if we take her to an open coffee shop she gets like “ mommy and daddy come with me .. she is itchy to going exploring but wouldn’t move without us . Certainly time to mature is going to help her .. I am not sure if I should persevere with classes or take a bit of a break . If me or my husband stop to talk to someone she generally stay quiet in the buggy or hover around bringing things to show to the people we are talking to .

Yes I agree there is no point in taking her to the GP or any paediatrician at this point and ND or not her brain will mature with time . It just feels a bit isolating for me at the moment but thank you for your words

Yes of course I will embrace everything she has to offer to me offer 🙂to me and to the world . I am just hoping that the school system won’t isolate her if she has adhd or doesn’t feel different . I have heard parents having reallly tough time with school not being able to accommodate their child’s needs

Yes , We were not asked to leave but I am so sure it would have come to that and the stares from other parents are not worth the stress on a regular basis . normally if I see she is dysregulated I take her home . I am just hoping this phase will pass

That makes me so happy to hear .. ☺️any parenting tips if you have a child similar to mine ?
what can I do to help her with social anxiety

I offered advice as someone who has adhd and also who has a child with adhd.

is there a particular reason you have ignored my posts?

I am sorry I haven’t ignore your post I am trying to reply to everyone 🙂 I am just trying to get through and find some parenting tips on how to help her with social anxiety outside and the incessant talking the moment she wakes up like she is narrating her day .

Many many 2.5s do that.

she sounds normal.

I wish I could give you an example of that .. she narrates about things that makes no sense like a long string of sentences ..

Stop labelling her perfectly normal behaviour and seek support for your excessive anxiety is the only advice you need.

Yes. My 2.5 year old grandson does the exact thing when he is playing. I watched him do it on Saturday morning. A load of nonsense talk.

Yes exactly she does all the time from the moment she wakes up not just when playing but I figure a lot of them might do as they explore the language . A lot of family members have commented how “ lively “ she is but obviously that doesn’t mean much at this stage . I think what’s peculiar to them is she tends to talk over them because she is excited when they come over and find it a bit too much . I understand them but I don’t know how to teach her this particular social boundary if I can do it at this age 🙂

She’s. Two. And. A. Half.

she’s normal. From what you’ve described here. She is. Completely. Normal.

please just enjoy her. It’ll be no time til she’s grown up and you’ll do her no favours pathologicalising every behaviour.

Honestly, I think you need help.