ADHD toddler and future

[ForLovingTealSheep]

I am at my lowest point in life and I have dealt with pretty bad stuff like cancer but this is eating me up bit by bit everyday . My 2.5 year old who’s that child who doesn’t do circle time or sit in group toddler ever and the older she gets the more difficult it becomes . I have posted many times and every time I have been told that I have Munchausen by proxy until I see my daughter being the only one out of 20 to not sit still for activities at groups and talking all the time .

We don’t have a family history of adhd and we have a total of 4 siblings between me and my partner’s family . Apart from group settings she is strong willed but generally well behaved and always follow instructions to a tee including sitting for meals at home . Sleeps 16 hours a day and eat a good diet . She is not impulsive and for her age I believe she had a good attention span around 6 to 8 minutes per activity but that’s important I guess as I have heard lots of adhd kids can focus well .

All I want to know will she have a relatively independent life and will I ever be able to go to a restaurant with her in the future without having to get up every single time or a simple coffee .

Right 3 kids here.
They are all different. What one does another doesn't. There is nothing wrong with that.

My eldest wouldn't entertain anything but the dinosaurs at playgroup/stay and play. If the end story was about a dinosaur he was there if it wasn't no chance. Only said dinosaur roar ro anyone non family till he was nearly 3!
Middle was shy and quiet at first. she is reserved now shes older. She would sit for every activity once over the nerves, and she wanted to join in. She stood and watched first 2 weeks.
My Third engaged in what she was interested in, she tried it all once decided what she liked and didn't and that was that! She knows her own mind. At one playgroup she would sit for story time at another she wouldn't.

There is nothing wrong with any of them they were just all different to each other, different to the other children around them. This is normal.
Just let your daughter be. She is exploring and learning how she wants to, encourage her.

FGS you think because your 2.5 yo isn't very good at sitting still in circle time , which is about 80% of 2.5 yos, she must have ADHD so severe she might never live independently?! You really are giving Munchausen vibes.

Yes that’s right .. I am aware that back in the day things were different ( meant my parents ) ( especially for girls ) but I thought that it would have been noticed in my two other siblings or me growing up if that was the case

I followed the advice of an adhd mum who also works with SE kids

I've seen your previous posts and you need to get some help. Your DD is completely normal and most importantly lovely - I get the sense you want a label because that will make you feel better about your "parenting journey". Kids are different, they like different things and most importantly they change as they grow. You might not get the kid you expect, so you adapt and grow with them, leaning into what your kid is like is the best way to parent them rather than some narrow view of what you think a 2.5yo should be doing.

Well she's talking nonsense. I have read all your posts and you are describing a completely normal 2.5 yo. Teachers are not qualified to diagnose ADHD and no-one diagnosed ADHD in 2 yos.

i did reply to her how can you tell if a toddler has adhd by simply not being able to do circle time and she replied “ in teaching circles “ spirited child “ is always associated with adhd and went on saying “ trust me , you can pickle them out , even at that young age .

OP you are ill not your child. Go and seek help.

Who is this person and why do you believe them over all those posting here...

I met her at a toddler group and noticed I was struggling to keep my child sit on my knee and we got talking and said that she is a special education teacher with an adhd child and one who’s not and is able to tell if a child is presenting abnormal traits and also adhd is not about hyperactivity or inattention .

To the people saying you can't be diagnosed at 2.5, you absolutely can. My DS was diagnosed high functioning, low diagnosis autistic then, and many of the tendancies swing ADHD. He was unable to participate in circle time until about 2.5. I will say things recently have gotten much better and at just turned 3 I noticed last week that two nights in a row he stayed at the table and ate his dinner with his sister which a few months ago was unheard of. He gets occupational therapy at nursery for one hour a week (started at 2.5) which i really do think has helped. She has tried a lot of tools like using wobble chairs and special timers to help. I hope there is light, because I think i am seeing the light at the other end of the tunnel.

Well that was very unprofessional and ridiculous of her to say. There's a reason why psychiatrists diagnose ADHD and in most areas will not accept a referral before the age of 6. I find it quite worrying that a teacher holds such an arrogant opinion of their own abilities in something they are not qualified in.

I am also a teacher, have ADHD and have two children, one diagnosed and one with suspected ADHD and I can tell you you're being ridiculous.

She sound like a complete charlatan. Why do you put so much stock into this stranger. Seriously please for your child's sake speak to a professional about your anxiety and stop listening to people like this women.

DC2 and I used to have a babycinno and a cappuccino together every Friday after dropping DC1 at school.

DC2 loved going for a coffee. The cafe staff made a big fuss of them.

Everyone/s different.

Autism can be diagnosed younger in some cases. I have never known anyone to be diagnosed that young with ADHD and as stated above most psychiatrists won't even accept a referral before 6.

It is completely normal for a 2.5yo not to want to stay in a buggy or sit still a coffee shop. Mine needs to explore walk around etc and will entertain colouring or stickers or a table top toy for all of 2 mins max. He wouldn't play independently at all even in a play cafe. If you think it's reasonable for her to sit there bored just watching you and for you to refuse to entertain then I'm sorry but you need to adjust your expectations of toddler behaviour

Of course they are all different. The OP is trying to pathologise her child for entirely normal behavior. No one is saying that no child would enjoy this or struggle to focus on the activity, but it's perfectly normal that hers does not.

My mother is a world renowned SEN Expert and she didn’t spot that one daughter had ADHD and the other ASD before we were diagnosed in our 40s.

My profoundly ASD nephew lived with her and it was a surprise when the HV said something was amiss at 18 months (nephew diagnosed by 2 on a rapid pathway pilot scheme).

You have got to get yourself some help. You won’t, but maybe if other people say it enough you might get out of this utterly pointless groove and actually enjoy your child rather than watch like a hawk for traits you couldn’t do anything about anyway.

She doesn’t sound like she has ADHD. You’ve posted before, haven’t you? Pathologising normal 2 yo behaviour. Please get some help.

I had a 2.5 year old, who when we were on holiday at a restaurant was face down having a tantrum in the middle of the street outside because they didn’t want to sit down.
They have big feelings, don’t want to be touched or hugged when they are experiencing big emotions.

I have no idea whether they can do circle time as they don’t do circle time in their toddler room and the activities we go to are much more dance and movement related.

Will sit in a cafe as long as there is food to keep them preoccupied, but would prefer to be running around.

Everyone comments on their ‘personality’

Second child, not worried that there is anything developmentally concerning with them… but they are def going to big a very strong willed person as they grow!

Honestly, to the extent that her behaviour is unusual at all it’s probably because of your insane level of anxiety and the impact it is having on her. You need professional help.

It's far too early to diagnose ADHD, as most healthy toddlers have traits of ADHD. Your child seems to be doing really well and their concentration is better than mine. My DD is nearly 2.5 and despite being on target and advanced in some areas , she cannot concentrate on most activities for more than 5 minutes. Please just enjoy your child. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Okay, I will humour you OP. If by ‘spirited’ you mean your DC was born wide awake (was never a ‘sleepy newborn’), cried a lot as a baby, was a nightmare to get to nap, woke every 2 hours overnight for years, wanted to be entertained none stop, screamed with frustration until they reached the next milestone, spoke extremely early in complex sentences and never shut up, could not cope with any kind of independent play, had big tantrums, never stopped moving and was absolutely not interested in complying or pleasing adults, then I absolutely had one of those with DC1.

And lo and behold, he is neurodiverse! AuDHD, actually, although the -DHD is definitely the main issue with the Au- being more small print, He’s still very hard to parent! But he’s also epically clever, very observant and an all round cool human.

Would knowing he wasn’t neurotypical at 2 made any difference? No, I genuinely don’t think it would have done. I would have still just had to accept I’d been blessed with a child who was extremely hard work and get on with it.

If you think she might be neurodiverse then just keep your mind open and jot down anything that concerns you but don’t dwell on it too much or allow your imagination to spiral. It might be useful in the future if the wheels start really falling off at school for example. Or equally, it might be something you can look back and laugh at when she’s 18…

Honestly, it feels like you are trying to label her with a disability to “explain” your experience of motherhood not being what you wanted it to be. You need to get help because she will feel the impact of your feelings and this could be super damaging.